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(Matt Carroll rushes into the Mavericks locker room..)

Carroll: (excitedly jumping up & down) Joshua Jay Howard! You’ll never guess what i’m gonna be for Halloween!

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Legendary soul-singer Nappy Brown is not only a basketball aficionado; he’s a bit of a football buff as well. Every week Nappy will make his NFL predictions..

Week Eight

Spooky Halloween Edition!!! BOO! (more…)

HEY NERD!

You like gettin’ spooked?

Join us back here at 8PM Eastern Standard Time, 5PM Cool People Time for a special Halloween-themed Lowposts Liveblog!  (By Halloween-themed I mean pictures of girls in slutty costumes..)

The Spurs & The Bulls! Doesn’t get any more blood-curdling than that!

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Hello. And welcome to Y’all Don’t Know. I’m your host, Anthony Mason.

Y’all Don’t Know is an ongoing exploration into all that is sinister, weird, creepy-crawly and loosey-goosey around us.

Did you know that there are mysterious, unexplainable energies whirling all around us as we speak? NO! ‘Cause Y’ALL DON’T KNOW!

Today on Y’all Don’t Know, we’re gonna talk about Chupacabra! (more…)

(Previously on The Matt Carroll Saga..)

Cuban: Well, well, well! If it isn’t The Bobbsey Twins!

Carroll: (chortles)  What?

Cuban: Where do you two think you’re going? Gonna skip practice?

Howard: Fucks yeah!

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(Anthony Mason, “famous for shaving slogans in his hair” according to this tax blog buffoon, owes more than $1.8 million in state & federal taxes in Wisconsin. His only solution? A comeback..)

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As you probably know, lowposts.com is a wildly successful NBA blog. We didn’t get to the top without making a few mistakes, here’s a list of what to avoid.

The dreaded NBA team preview formula:

is there a difference between a formula and an equation?

Every blog site in the world has NBA team previews. Kelly Dwyer’s will be better and he doesn’t even care about your favorite team. Don’t bother.

Here’s the standard team preview:

[greetings]

[personal pledge of fandom]

[ill-advised metaphor about upcoming season]

[inane preseason babble]

[2 or 3 excuses re: last season]

[new additions, we've got 'em!]

[story about how much we've grown]

[500 words on a rookie that will not play at all this year]

[who was lost]

[good thing we didn't need them!]

[700 words on this year's locker room chemistry]

[projected starting 5]

[ranking of starting 5]

[who SHOULD be starting at point guard]

[list players who start the game on bench]

[arbitrary bench depth grade]

[Sun Tzu quote to fire up reader(s)]

[worthless prediction]

[countdown to first regular season game]

Gambling feature

Last year I went 44-22291…we’re due for a hot streak! Today’s the day we turn it around!

Nobody wants or cares about your shitty picks. Degenerate gamblers are plenty good enough at gambling to lose all of their money without your help.

Clip has nothing to do with gambling, but it’s from a movie called Casino.

PRO TIP: EVERYONE LOSES.

Fake Twitter

Played. Out.

It’s almost 2010. Time to move on.

Game previews

Acceptable previews:

1. regular season game with post season implications
2. playoff games

Team A gets a check mark because their bench is deeper!

Team B gets 2 check marks because they have more black guys!

Team A gets 1.5 check marks because their coach calls more time outs!

Team A gets -1 check mark because of rape allegations!

Final tally: whogivesashit to whogivesashit.

Liveblogs

If your liveblog has more writers than readers, quit. Or post porn.

I'm sorry I missed this

Attended game recaps

Potential to be great, but there are a couple pitfalls to avoid:

this picture makes me want to throw a puppy off a cliff for 100 different reasons

Emperor Dong Bong Long of the 19th Century Qing Dynasty and his concubine Mushi Mushi run down the Eastern Conference..

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