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"I was born to be an American TV star!"

Can it be true?  The Maloofs are considering making a Sacramento Kings televised reality series with Mark Burnett, the creator of hit shows such as “The Survivor” and “The Apprentice.” I haven’t been this excited since Woody Allen became my hero — er, I mean Mitch Richmond won All-Star Game MVP.  Why, you ask?  Well, let’s see…

*Listing Shelden Williams’ name in the final credits will secure the team’s first W in the closing seconds.

*Kings fans can always blame Vlade Divac if the show flops.

*We can finally see footage of those priceless locker room conversations between a blazed Brad Miller and Kings rookie Bobby Brown:

“Dude! Did you, like, bring Whitney with you?”
“Nah, Brad. It’s not funny anymore. For the last time, I’m not that Bobby Brown!”
“Pssshht — stop playing, son!  [Starts singing off-key] AND IIIIIIIII EEEEE IIIIIIIIII EEEEE IIIIII will always love YOOOUUUUUUUU…”

Brown rolls his eyes and walks away in disgust. [End scene]

*Cameos from those naughty Kings cheerleaders (here’s the NSFW version)…

*It’s the Tribal Council’s best chance to vote Kenny Thomas’ cap-killing contract off the island…

*They already have a catchy theme song:

*The Maloofs’ company also produces the E! reality show “Living Lohan” — just three more years, and Ali can be all yours, Beno!

*Rumor has it that Spencer Hawes‘ Michael Phelps imitation is uncanny…

*I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I only wish the Kings still had Ron Artest…happy four-year anniversary!