www.lowposts.com

The NBA All-Star game is supposed to showcase the league’s best players, but deciding who should be selected is hardly an exact science.  Top teams are generally rewarded with multiple All-Stars, while conversely, players who put up good numbers on losing teams are oftentimes overlooked.  In addition, position scarcity (most notably at center), sometimes leads to otherwise undeserving players getting chosen by the two sweetest words in the English language — default.  All that being said, some names just look wrong in the All-Star game boxscore under any circumstances.  I present to you, the Non-All-Star Team.

1. Jamal Magloire (2004): Magloire had a career year in 2003/04, averaging 14 points and 10 rebounds per game, which was enough to make the ridiculously weak Eastern Conference squad. He’s since played for five other teams, and convinced the Heat to sign him to a two-year contract after coming off a season in which he put up a whopping 2 points and 3 rebounds for the Nets and Mavericks. All because he’s a “former NBA All-Star.”

2. Dale Davis (2000): I guess this is a “lifetime achievement award,” where coaches decide a player deserves to be recognized for doing the dirty work on a bunch of good teams over the last decade. Right, Dale Davis, who averaged exactly 10 points and 10 rebounds in 1999/00, was one of the top forwards in the Eastern Conference. Since I don’t have much more to add here, let’s all laugh at Davis getting Tasered by the cops after resisting arrest in 2006.

3. Tyrone Hill (1995):  Hill averaged a respectable but unspectacular 14.5 points and 11.5 rebounds in 1994/95, which were both slightly lower than the 15.0 points and 12.4 boards he averaged the year prior…and the Cavs were around .500 in both seasons. So what gives? The only explanation I have is that the league wanted to provide Halloween costume ideas for their young fans (Black Skeletor?) .

4. Chris Gatling (1997): I remember two things about Chris Gatling — his colorful headbands and the time he shook Shawn Kemp’s hand after being viciously dunked on by the Reign Man (number five in this highly entertaining video). But Gatling is also a former NBA All-Star after being named as an injury replacement in 1997. Sure, 19 points and 8 rebounds are decent numbers, but Gatling was an energy player and the ultimate NBA journeyman (8 teams in his last 7 seasons). In fact, the Mavs traded him to New Jersey just weeks after the game — now there’s an All-Star, if I’ve seen one.

5. Theo Ratliff (2001): A poor man’s Ben Wallace, Ratliff was an exceptional shot-blocker and…um, did I mention that he was good at blocking shots?  He never averaged more than 8 boards in a single season, and was basically rewarded for playing on a Finals-bound Sixers team.  Ironically, Ben Wallace didn’t make the team that year.  Oh, and also contributing to this debacle?  You, the fan, by voting Alonzo Mourning, who hadn’t played a single game that season, as an All-Star starter.

6.  Antonio Davis (2001): I’ll never understand why the commissioner chose Antonio Davis to replace the aforementioned Ratliff, who fractured his wrist prior to the game, instead of going with say, Elton Brand, Marcus Camby, or Ben Wallace. The Raptors were a 47-win team that season, so it wasn’t the team record. It must’ve been those Magloire-esque 14 points and and 10 rebounds that sealed his case.

7. Nick Van Exel (1998): The Lakers had the best record in the league in 1997/98, but did they really need a fourth All-Star to go along with Shaq, Kobe, and Eddie Jones? And on top of that, Van Exel was averaging an uninspiring 14 points and 7 assists on 42% shooting, down from 15 points and 9 assists the year prior. Fittingly he shot 5 of 14 (36%) in the game, though at least no officials were shoved into the scorers’ table.

8.  B.J. Armstrong (1994):   Was Armstrong (16 points and 4 assists) one of the top five point guards in the NBA?  Top 10?  Top 20?   The only reason I put him this low, is that the fans voted him in as starter, and plus, 1994 was just a weird year for All-Stars, with first and only appearances from John Starks, Horace Grant, Mookie Blaylock, and Charles Oakley. But even Phil Jackson was surprised at Armstrong’s selection, joking that there must’ve been All-Star ballots in teen magazines.

9. Wally Szczerbiak (2002): It’s a sad day for the NBA when a spot-shooting specialist can call himself an All-Star.  There’s still a chance, J.J. Redick!  Not only were Wally World’s 19 points and 5 rebounds mediocre at best, but he was chosen over the likes of Shawn Marion and Michael Finley. And plus, I’m pretty sure there was more defense played in the 135-120 Western Conference win than in Szczerbiak’s entire career.

10.  Anthony Mason (2001):  Yet another questionable selection for the East in 2001.  Mason developed into a solid all-round player, and put up his usual 16 points, 10 boards, and 4 assists that season, but would anyone consider him as All-Star-caliber?  He was a bruising enforcer who’s more remembered for shaving logos and slogans into the side of his head and having the ugliest foul shooting form known to man.  Just kidding, Mr. Mason!

Unforgivable!

Dishonorable Mention: A few other slightly more justifiable examples of white guys being picked because they’re very tall.

Rik Smits (1998)
Vlade Divac (2001)
Brad Miller (2003, 2004)
Zydrunas Ilgauskas (2005)
Mehmet Okur (2007)