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The Lebron James Future Team Cavalcade CarouselⓇ is an ongoing project, exploring the potential destinations of a man who couldn’t beat Smiley McSmilington - Lebron James. All thirty teams (and perhaps some European squads) will be analyzed and awarded an arbitrary percentage on their odds of being Lebronorized. Past teams can be accessed here.

Today:  The Detroit Pistons..

Detroit.

Detroit.

Detroit.

It’s so cold in the D.

Why would Lebron James want to live in Detroit? The sense of adventure? A need to stay grounded? A wish to stay close to the common man? Cheap mansions out in the suburbs?

I dunno.

It may not be the most wonderful town in America. It may actually be one of the least wonderful towns in America. It may be worse than Beirut. But for every seemingly endless negative regarding Detroit, there are plenty of positives as well.

A long & prestigious franchise history; rich in tradition.

Cars.

Eminem.

Cars.

Motown.

Cars.

The biggest hurdle in Lebron James joining the Detroit Pistons would be the betrayal felt by the good people of Cleveland in their prodigal son leaving to play for one of their most hated rivals. But for a quarter of a billion dollars, I think Lebron could live with himself. And eleven giant solid-gold robots.

BACK IN YOUR CAGE, GOLDBOT!

The city was founded by a Frenchman, Antoine Laumet de la Mothe, sieur de Cadillac, early in the eighteenth century. And he just looks absolutely thrilled about living in Detroit, as everyone else does.

The automobile industry took over at the beginning of the twentieth century and poverty & sadness took over at the beginning of the twenty-first. The arrival of The Greatest Man To Ever Play The Game would quickly turn things around, morale-wise.

But I think ‘Ol Larry’s pretty comfortable in Indiana.

They might have to get rid of some of the dead weight, but a team buoyed by King James, Charlie V & Benny G would be a solid foundation for a Pistons team that would annoy the shit out of me & every other Celtics fan for years to come.

William Wesley (The Most Important Man In Sports) reportedly is one of the staunchest Lebron-to-Detroit supporters.

And, thanks to the arduous work of Mr. Henry Abbott, everyone knows that when William Wesley talks, people listen. As opposed to when Wesley Willis talked, people giggled.

Other things to do in Detroit when not Bawitdaba-ing with Kid Rock..

• become a corrupt mayor
• sell octopi outside Red Wings games
• remark upon the temperature in the D

Odds of Lebronorization:  10% It’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility. The William Wesley Willis factor can’t be ignored. There’s a good young foundation being built in Detroit that Lebron could grow with. And who would wanna pass up the opportunity to fuck T-Baby?

Next up:  The Jazz..