We Made The Mistakes So You Don’t Have To
As you probably know, lowposts.com is a wildly successful NBA blog. We didn’t get to the top without making a few mistakes, here’s a list of what to avoid.
The dreaded NBA team preview formula:
is there a difference between a formula and an equation?
Every blog site in the world has NBA team previews. Kelly Dwyer’s will be better and he doesn’t even care about your favorite team. Don’t bother.
Here’s the standard team preview:
[greetings]
[personal pledge of fandom]
[ill-advised metaphor about upcoming season]
[inane preseason babble]
[2 or 3 excuses re: last season]
[new additions, we've got 'em!]
[story about how much we've grown]
[500 words on a rookie that will not play at all this year]
[who was lost]
[good thing we didn't need them!]
[700 words on this year's locker room chemistry]
[projected starting 5]
[ranking of starting 5]
[who SHOULD be starting at point guard]
[list players who start the game on bench]
[arbitrary bench depth grade]
[Sun Tzu quote to fire up reader(s)]
[worthless prediction]
[countdown to first regular season game]
Gambling feature
Last year I went 44-22291…we’re due for a hot streak! Today’s the day we turn it around!
Nobody wants or cares about your shitty picks. Degenerate gamblers are plenty good enough at gambling to lose all of their money without your help.
Clip has nothing to do with gambling, but it’s from a movie called Casino.
PRO TIP: EVERYONE LOSES.
Fake Twitter
Played. Out.
It’s almost 2010. Time to move on.
Game previews
Acceptable previews:
- regular season game with post season implications
- playoff games
Team A gets a check mark because their bench is deeper!
Team B gets 2 check marks because they have more black guys!
Team A gets 1.5 check marks because their coach calls more time outs!Team A gets -1 check mark because of rape allegations!
Final tally: whogivesashit to whogivesashit.
I'm sorry I missed this
this picture makes me want to throw a puppy off a cliff for 100 different reasons
- pictures of the court from where you were sitting
- pictures of the jumbotron with the final score on it
- pictures of the jumbotron with your favorite player on it
- pictures of the jumbotron
- whining about 8 dollars beers. Solution: bring a flask. Then when you’re buying 8 dollar beers, you’re too drunk to care.
- story about the garbage the cheer/promo team shoots into the stand.
- the annoying people in your section that know NOTHING about basketball
- “deep thought” about seeing someone in person vs on tv (…they’re so tall!)
- crazy! story about showing up 4 hours early to meet the players (you should’ve seen the rims! 28″s I think!)
- casual reference to which jersey you purchased
- the sign you brought
6 Comments »
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Now I just want Lucky Charms..
Also, Celtics 4EVA! winking/blushing smiley face!!!!
Are indeterminate theories/curses/corollaries that are stretched to 3,000 word lengths still acceptable?
What if the jumbotron looks like this?..
http://tinyurl.com/ykru8om
@starburied: that will be covered in where nba blogs go wrong 2.0
@ethan: that’s the only acceptable jumbotron picture i’ve ever seen.
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