Hi! My Name Is…What?
There’s a lot to an athlete’s name. A professional ball player is a worldwide celebrity whose likeness appears on television, official league websites, and countless publications. While most athletes’ names sound common or “normal,” quite a few, such as Rusty Kuntz and Dick Trickle, or even Luol Deng or Rudy Gay, are hard to say with a straight face. Sometimes, even initials like B.J. end up sounding awkward and uncomfortable when they’re mentioned by TV announcers. Here are some of the coolest and funniest (non-nickname) names we’ve heard in the NBA.
1. Boniface N’Dong: I’m sure it’s not really pronounced this way (or so I hope), but I prefer to read it as “bony face and dong.” Either way, it sounds like an awful porn name or a really uncomfortable sex position.
2. God Shammgod: I’m not sure which of these things is more offensive — naming your child “God,” or guaranteeing a future identity crisis when he realizes his last name indicates that he’s, in fact, a false deity.
3. Von Wafer: On the one hand, “Wafer,” a crisp, dry biscuit, is one of the least intimidating names for an NBA player (unless he had a horrifying Communion experience). On the other hand, he could really give Count Chocula a run for his money. Von Wafers sound delicious!
4. Uwe Blab: Not only does it sound like a bad euphemism for taking care of business (”Someone left a nasty Uwe Blab in the third stall”), but it also makes me think of the old school X-Men arcade game villain that yelled, “Nobody beats the Blob!” when you fought him. Little known fact — it’s Mike D’Antoni’s pet nickname for Eddy Curry.
5. Royal Ivey: Now there’s a name I want to have when I’m picking up girls in a bar (Stromile Swift comes a close second). It sounds intriguing but still gives off that street vibe. And if that wasn’t gangster enough, his nickname is “Cheese,” a reference to the classic Pulp Fiction scene.
6. Travis Outlaw: I picture tumbleweeds rolling in the wind and a good ole fashioned gun fight in a Western. It’s also a shame he never had a chance to play on the Jail Blazers with that moniker, robbing us of some fantastic headlines.
7. World B. Free: His birth name is Lloyd Bernard Free, and I think changing it was a little gimmicky. I just wanted to use this time to once again laugh at his hilarious balding afro. This will never get old.
8. Zaza Pachulia / Kiki Vandeweghe: If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear these are the names of a couple of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models. Good luck trying to get that mental image out of your head.
9. Luther Head: Do I go with a “they paid too much for Head,” a “which team will get Head,” or a simple “I used to love Head in Houston” joke here? It’s an impossible decision. I haven’t tried, but this might also work with Wang Zhizhi.
10. Chubby Cox: Yes, he was a real NBA player. Do I really need to explain?
Honorable Mention:
*Kosta Koufos / Cheikh Samb: I like mine with vegetables and chickpeas.
The Human Beatbox
*Ruben Bomutje-Boumtje: I learned how to beatbox by repeating his name over and over again on the train to work. I think I’m ready to move on to the Kelenna Azubuike remix version.
*O.J Mayo: How did he know my favorite juice and condiment combination?
*Vinny Del Negro: Because he’s white! Ha!
*Quincy Douby: Josh Howard is a big fan.
*Carlos Boozer: Insert Vin Baker joke here.
*Zarko Cabarkapa: Cool…
*Didier Ilunga-Mbenga: …cooler…
*Nana Papa Yaw Mensah-Bonsu: …almost there…
*Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo: …classic.
16 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL
God Shammgod wasn’t his birth name.
http://alanpaulinchina.blogspot.com/2006/11/god-shammgod-and-hoops-journey-to.html
He has always been a bit of a running punch line because of his name and the story that he changed it when he arrived at Providence from Shammgod Wells to God Shammgod. It’s not true; God Shammgod is his name and he changed it unofficially in high school after being teased mercilessly as a child. When he got to college, he was told he had to use his real name or legally change it, which would have cost $600, money he says he didn’t have. He stressed this to me several times and really wants it in the story. He feels that misperception has really given him a bad rep and I’d say he’s right. That’s what I remembered first about him — the guy who changed his name to God.
Wham, Bam, Shammgod, ma’am..
How does this list exist without Luc Richard Mbah a Moute?
what about speedy claxton? the guy sounds like a villain from a comic book.
No one will beat Dikembe. No, no, no (FINGER WAGGING…)
@omar: Speedy is nickname. His real name is Craig Claxton — which is still sounds damn cool…
Pops Mensah-Bonsu’s full name is Nana Papa Yaw Dwene Mensah-Bonsu, part of which means “King Whale Killer” in the Twi language, supposedly because an ancestor killed a whale.
Dwayne Schintzius because Amad Rashad never figured out how to pronounce it.
Chubby Cox,Rusty Kuntz,God Shammgod ,daaaammmmn!! It should be illeagal to say their name out loud.But on the other hand all of them should be announcers so that said names could be referenced hundreds of times daily.
What about Martynas Andriusevici, Jake Liblinlis Tsakalidis, Zeljko Rebraca, Sarunas Jasikvicius, Maciej Lampe, Ike Diogu, Adonal Foyle, Linas Kleiza, DeSana Diop, Estaban Batista, Primoz Brezec, Emeka Okafor, Zoran Planinic, Hedo Turkuglu, Ha Seung-Jin, Shareef Abdur-Rahim, Pape Sow, Jose Manuel Calderon?? Those are really classical too!!
@Andrey: I get it, they’re funny because they’re foreign!
Good call on Turkglou though — I’ve always been fascinated by how his name sounds like his home country, and Okafor’s full name is Chukwuemeka Ndubuisi Okafor.
Foreign names are not necessarily funny in and of themselves. Only if they have a “dong” or something similar in them. Stomile only got a footnote in Royal Ivey. he deserves a place of his own. My brother named his dog Stomile but got tired of explaning so he changed it to “Woody”, I suppose after 50s non-legend Woody (The Steak) Sauldsbury. Thanik you Andrey for Adonal Foyle.
[...] Cavs are] a good team, but I don’t think they’re ready to take the next step."6th: http://www.lowposts.com. Some of the coolest and funniest (non-nickname) names in the NBA.7th: All That Jazz. 27 PPG on 51 [...]
now in my rss reader)))
————————
ads: http://semev.ru/
cooooolest domain name)))
————————
ads: http://ponon.ru/npc157x
Is there an entrance charge?
—————————————
signature: http://potet.ru