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One of my favorite hobbies as a kid was collecting Kenner Starting Lineups (SLUs).  First released in 1988, these were typically four-inch figures of the biggest stars in the four major sports.  At one point, I had over 100 of them hanging up in my old room, carefully kept in their original packages. I can only hope my parents didn’t throw them away when they remodeled the house after I moved out.  Generally, only the best and most popular players in the league were rewarded with SLUs, but once in a while, Kenner would inexplicably release a figure of someone who clearly didn’t belong on the same shelf as Jordan, Shaq, and Magic.  Here are some of the most questionable NBA Starting Lineups ever made.

1. Luc Longley (1997): Okay, so Longley was the default starting center on three Chicago Bulls championship teams, but how does a guy with career averages of 7 points and 5 rebounds get his very own action figure? I’d understand it if it was an Australia-only release, since according to Wikipedia, Luc “is widely regarded as one of the best Australian basketballers ever,” amongst such other greats as Chris Anstey, Andrew Bogut, Shane Heal, and Luke Schenscher. But none of those guys have SLUs!

2. Eric Montross (1995): The only reason Montross doesn’t get the top spot on the list is because the figure came out prior to his first NBA season, in which he averaged a respectable 10 points and 7 rebounds. But of course, he’d go on to become the poor-man’s Shawn Bradley — in fact, I’m pretty sure they just painted over his original 1994 SLU — without the blocks (think about that statement for a second). Seriously, how does a seven-footer average less than a block a game?

3. Pooh Richardson (1996): Jerome “Pooh” Richardson had a few good years in the early ’90s with the Timberwolves, but by the time this figure came out, Pooh (that nickname fits perfectly) was on his way out of the league. In 1996, he was a backup on the Clippers behind the incomparable Darrick Martin — I don’t know which of those statements is harder to believe — and averaged less than five points per game over his final three seasons. But on the other hand, his nickname still makes me giggle.

4. Loy Vaught (1997): I’m all for giving obscure and underrated players a little attention…but Loy Vaught? First of all, there should’ve been a ‘No Clipper’ policy after the, um, Pooh fiasco. And second, does anyone actually have any idea who he is? Much like Richardson, Vaught had a few solid but unspectacular years, and then sharply fell off, barely averaging three points over the next four seasons. And like the old saying goes, if a Clipper averages 16 points and 10 rebounds and no one is around to hear it…

5. Todd Day (1993): Sure, Day was a solid NBA role player who averaged 12 points over his career and would blossom into an All-ABA 1st Teamer with the Arkansas Rimrockers.  The figure was released during his rookie season, but even if the 1992 NBA Draft wasn’t too spectacular after the first three picks, how does he make the cut over Jim Jackson, LaPhonso Ellis, and Tom Gugliotta? Then again, maybe we should be thankful that no one at Kenner was a huge Adam Keefe fan at the time.

6.  Stacey Augmon (1993 & 1994): One Augmon figure would’ve probably been one too many, but two SLUs of a guy who put up less than 15 points and 5 rebounds from 1992 to 1995 and never made an All-Star Team?  Was the first one such a huge seller — it can now be yours for $0.97 — that the the public demanded more Augmon? On another note, I’ve always been mad at Kenner for missing out on a fantastic marketing opportunity with stretchable “Plastic Man” dolls.

7. Rik Smits (1998): Since 1998 marked the final year of NBA Starting Lineups, Kenner decided to go out with a bang, releasing figures of the league’s brightest stars — Shaq, Kobe, Garnett, Iverson, a throwback Magic Johnson…and Smits. Now, the Dunkin’ Dutchman had a solid NBA career and all, and also made his first and only All-Star Game appearance that season, but why in the world was he one of the 16 players in the final SLU set, especially since it’s actually his second piece?

8. Manute Bol (1992): I’m willing to bet that Bol is the only player in SLU history who averaged less than a basket that season, and has embarrassed himself on a nationally-televised celebrity boxing show (though Bryant Reeves and Harold Miner can’t be too far behind). Bol also holds the distinction of being the first and only player who freaked me out when I first saw his picture (I refuse to believe this is real), and I would’ve needed serious therapy if Kenner altered the figure’s body shape to his likeness.

Mattel Superstars of the NBA / NBA Jams: I was originally only going to focus on Kenner SLUs, but I came across a list of players from Mattel’s two follow-up releases from 1999 and 2000. ‘Superstars‘ were slightly slimmer SLU-like figurines, while ‘Jams’ put over-sized heads on the player’s bodies a la NBA Jam; personally, I think they’re some of the scariest toys ever made. Once again, most of the names in each set make sense (Kobe, Garnett, Iverson, etc), but there were a few oddities.

Shawn Kemp, Cavs: Using the words “Kemp,” “Cavaliers,” and “jams” in the same sentence is just cruel.

Shawn Bradley, Mavs: How exactly does a backup center who averages 8 points and 6 rebounds qualify as a superstar? Unless they meant, “NBA Jams…on Bradley.”

Rodney Rogers, Clippers: No insensitive jokes here (best wishes, Rodney), but  another Clipper? What’s this world coming to?

Dishonorable Mention:

Mark Eaton (1988): There were quite a few players I don’t even know in the 1988 set (Johnny Dawkins, Winston Garland, Dennis Hopson), but Eaton stands out because his figure was short-printed, making it one of the most valuable NBA SLUs ever made. That’s right, Mark Eaton’s figure is worth more than any of Michael Jordan’s.

B.J. Armstrong (1994): Which was more undeserved — the SLU or the All-Star selection?

Jeff Hornacek (1988, 1995): Two Horny’s, seven years apart…I’d make a joke here, but I’m already on thin ice with the Mormons.

Calbert Cheaney (1994): Another one of those predictions that didn’t quite pan out.

Kurt Rambis (1995): Oh, if only…