Mar
23
2010
3

Triple-Double Trouble

A triple-double is a rare and (usually) well-praised achievement. Over the last 20 years, 162 players have recorded at least one game with double-digits in three statistical categories (none of them are, of course, named Ricky Davis). While it makes sense that more than half were accomplished by point guards with high assist totals, it’s harder to explain how Mark Jackson (14), Damon Stoudamire (6), and Chris Childs (2), to name a few, have more career triple-doubles than Allen Iverson and Stephon Marbury, who have only one apiece (at least in the US).

When Rafer Alston notched his first in January — and it’s no small feat to get 10 assists on the New Jersey Nets — he joined the list of the least likely players to record a triple-double in recent NBA history.

Oliver Miller, Phoenix Suns (14 points, 15 rebounds, 11 assists - 02/09/1994): That’s right, Oliver Miller, and I won’t even make the obligatory fat joke here. That was already done for me by Dee Brown three years after Miller’s first and only triple-double, when the 350-plus-pound center vowed to get another one against the Boston Celtics. “Can you believe that? He’s going to get a triple double? A triple cheeseburger, maybe.” Miller just barely missed it, too — by 10 points, 6 assists, and 2 rebounds.

Anthony Bowie, Orlando Magic (20 points, 10 rebounds, 10 assists - 3/19/1996): Bowie grabbed his tenth rebound and called timeout with 2.7 seconds left in the game…with Orlando up by 20 points.   Desperate for a triple-double, he designed his own play in the huddle to then record his tenth assist. Outraged Pistons coach Doug Collins — clearly not from Jerry Sloan’s school of hard knocks — instructed his players to stand at the side of the court and not even contest Bowie’s cheap stat-padding.

Rodney White, Denver Nuggets (17 points, 12 rebounds, 10 assists - 03/24/2003): Number of times White recorded double-digit rebounds in his 218-game NBA career?  One. Double-digit assists?  One. To say this was the game of a lifetime for one of the biggest busts in league history would be an understatement, considering White averaged 7.1 points, 2.2 rebounds, and 1.1 assists before finding himself out of the league in 2005 at the age of 24.

Brian Shaw, Orlando Magic (11 points, 10 assists and 10 rebounds - 12/29/95): Shaw recorded his triple-double in garbage time of a 24-point blowout against the Clippers (then again, when isn’t it garbage time against the Clippers?), which lead to this “Shaw Destroys Clippers” headline the next day. Um, right. Not so fun fact: he was once traded for equally crappy, undersized PG Sherman Douglas, who somehow registered his only triple-double during the same season.

Bob Sura, Atlanta Hawks (twice - 2003/2004): It’s odd to list Sura on this list, since he narrowly missed becoming the 12th player in NBA history to post three consecutive triple-doubles before his last one was disallowed (at least he shot at the right basket). Traded from the Pistons, with whom he put up 3.8 points, 1.9 rebounds, and 1.7 assists, to Atlanta at the deadline, Sura averaged an Oscar Roberston-esque 14.7 points, 8.3 rebounds, and 5.7 assists in 27 games as a Hawk. I’m still not sure how or if it even really happened.

Chris Duhon, Chicago Bulls (18 points, 12 assists, 10 rebounds - 11/02/05):   No one would question 12 assists from a starting point guard on a good team, and maybe even a game with 10 boards (his one and only) are within reach. But there’s no way any Knicks fan who’s watched Duhon shoot a historically miserable 34% from the field in 58 games this season will buy that he once scored 18 points in a single game.

Blue Edwards, Vancouver Grizzlies (15 points, 13 rebounds, 11 assists - 3/1/1996): Edwards, who averaged a pedestrian 10.8 points, 3.4 rebounds, and two assists over 10 seasons, recorded the first triple-double in Grizzlies history. But an even more amazing stat is that he beat out Shawn Kemp to become the first NBA player to have a movie about one of his illegitimate children.  Yes, his late-90’s child custody case in Vancouver led to a 2009 film on the Canadian Television Network. Seriously.

Dishonorable Mention:

Williams has as many Raptors triple-doubles as Vince Carter...and Charles Oakley.

*Kevin Gamble, Boston Celtics (23 points, 11 rebounds, 10 assists - 3/16/1993): Fact: prior to 1997, only four players in Boston Celtics history had ever recorded a triple double –Larry Bird, Robert Parish, Dennis Johnson…and Kevin Gamble (9.5 points, 2.2 rebounds, 2.0 assists for his career).

*Rumeal Robinson, New Jersey Nets (twice, 1993): Robinson lasted six season in the NBA with six teams, averaging 7.6 points, 1.8 rebounds, and 3.5 assists, notching triple-doubles in the only two double-digit rebound games of his career.

*Alvin Williams, Toronto Raptors (11 points, 10 rebounds, 14 assists - 3/23/01): Williams, despite an injury-riddled career in which he played just three games over his final three seasons, had a few decent years in Toronto. What’s hard to believe is that his triple double from nine years ago is the most recent one recorded by a Raptor, a span during which 15 players have recorded one against Toronto.

Jan
07
2010
5

BOOM-SHAKALAKA!!

Gore-tastic!

Clintastic!

In what’s sure to make the day of everyone alive in the mid-’90’s, EA Sports is set to announce the return of the greatest video game of all time, NBA Jam, for the Nintendo Wii.   If the thought of sharp-elbowed NBA player caricatures with Barry Bonds-sized heads on Kate Bosworth-sized bodies doesn’t get you pumped, then you were either a deprived child or just aren’t human.

There’s really no way the EA execs can screw this up if they stick with the original formula, down to the George Clinton-style P-Funk soundtrack and the endearingly repetitive, poor man’s Marv Albert announcer.  My only suggestion would be having at least one old school player (of the always interesting hidden variety, perhaps) on every team, because quite frankly, I need more of Tom “The Bomb” Gugliotta and Blue Edwards in my life.

Without further ado, I present the three players  – since starting with Tournament Edition, teams could make substitutions after each quarter — who  should be represented in NBA Jam 2010, along with one old school star in parenthesis.  I mean, just imagine Mark Price lobbying one up for LeBron James, or O.J. Mayo feeding one to “Big Country” Reeves.  Whoops, bad choice of words there.

(Note that since there were only 27 teams at the time of the original game’s release, I took the liberty of choosing a retired “legend” for Toronto, Memphis, and Charlotte — the Bobcats, that is, since the 1993-94 Charlotte Hornets once featured the epic and my personal favorite duo of Alonzo Mourning and Larry Johnson.  Well, aside from the phenomenal Rookie All-Star squad that included the likes of Bill Curley, Eric Montross, and Yinka Dare.)
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Dec
08
2009
0

Bob Ryan Also Sucks..

It’s been almost two months since Bob Ryan spoke on the sport of basketball. He’s been too busy defending the elderly Bill Belichick. LEAVE GRAMPA ALONE!

Today Bob discusses Brandon Jennings and the fact that he must bow at the altar of KG, the first man to say “College is for pussies.” (Except for Reggie Harding & Spencer Haywood & Darryl Dawkins & Bill Willoughby & Moses Malone & Lloyd Daniels & Shawn Kemp; but after them, JUST KG!!)

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Dec
02
2009
0

Triumphant Returns..

(Allen Iverson strides into morning practice at the Wachovia Center..)

Iverson: I’m back, bitches!

Stefanski: (follows closely behind, throwing rose petals at his feet)

Iverson: Who wants to give AI a hug?

(more…)

Nov
04
2009
0

Stephen & Don..

(Warriors ex-Captain Stephen Jackson is hanging out in Coach Nelson’s office..)

Nelson: I know! Let’s steal a car!

Jackson: Nah, I did that this morning.

Nelson: (crosses arms grumpily)  You do everything without me!

Jackson: Coach, I got other friends that wanna do stuff. I can’t just hang out with you 24-7, like that kiss-ass Curry!

Curry: (wanders into office)  Hey Coach! Hey Stephen!

Jackson: (snicker)

Nelson: (stifled guffaw)

Jackson: (eats Snickers) (more…)

Oct
01
2009
7

LowPosts Team Previews: Los Angeles Clippers

Key Offseason Additions: Blake Griffin, Sebastian Telfair, Sebastian Telfair’s handgun, Rasual Butler, Craig Smith, Quentin Richardson’s boarding pass, Mark Madsen’s $2.8-million salary cap hit

Picture all the possibilities...

The Lowdown: After adding two overpaid and injury-prone All-Stars in Baron Davis and Marcus Camby to a young nucleus of Al Thornton and Eric Gordon last summer, many analysts considered the Clippers to be a sleeper playoff team. Well, we all know how that turned out — the same old Clippers finished with the second-worst record in the league, placing among the leaders in worst team field goal percentage and worst opponents’ field goal percentage. Trading for Zach Randolph mid-season tends to do that to a team.

Of course, the basketball gods apparently reward incompetence, since the Clippers were blessed on two fronts. First came the number one pick in an NBA Draft that had one consensus top selection that even Mike Dunleavy couldn’t possibly screw up, as much as he undoubtedly tried. And then came the jaw-dropping trade of Zach Randolph’s two-year, $33-million contract to a GM with even less common sense than Dunleavy (Chris Wallace) in Memphis. It should also be noted that the Clippers flirted with the idea of pairing Allen Iverson with Davis in the backcourt and forming the first ever team that never passes.

The Good: I can’t believe I’m about to write this, but the Clippers actually ended up having one of the best offseasons of any team in the NBA. In fact, the first key offseason addition above shouldn’t even be Rookie of the Year favorite Blake Griffin, but team chemistry, via the aforementioned subtraction of Randolph (though they do still have Ricky Davis).  Baron Davis has reportedly looked more like the player who once resurrected a struggling Warriors franchise than a Kimbo Slice lookalike who shot a putrid 37% from the field last season, while Bassy Telfair is a capable, if not underrated backup who’s amazingly still only 24 years old. If — and this is a big if — Marcus Camby and Chris Kaman can combine to play in 120 games, this could be a team on the rise in a suddenly weaker Western Conference.

Oh, who are we kidding — they’re still the Clippers.

Fantasy Sleeper Alert: Once again, because they are the Clippers, and this bears repeating over and over again, bad things can will happen. Camby and Kaman are obvious threats to go down at any time, and Griffin is already banged up with knee and shoulder injuries. Keep an eye on Craig Smith and DeAndre Jordan, both of whom have been able to produce serviceable numbers when given starter’s minutes.

Prediction: 25-57 — 5th in Pacific Division, 15th in Western Conference

Sep
09
2009
1
Sep
02
2009
0
Aug
27
2009
0
Jul
22
2009
0

Bill Plaschke Also Also Sucks..

In our second installment of “Bill Plaschke Also Also Sucks,” Bill implores the defending champions to re-sign their third-best player; a not-too-preposterous request.

But Mr. Plaschke decides this request isn’t enough to flesh out an entire column. So he decides to take some not-entirely-warranted potshots at free agent Allen Iverson.

It’s only too appropriate that Bill’s middle name is Homer.

To the Assbloatmobile! (more…)

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