Jun
02
2009
0

Bob Ryan Also Sucks..

Imagine my disappointment when the Celtics season came to a close and I realized one thing: No more Dan Shaughnessy/Bob Ryan slamfests. Non-basketball-related zingers can still be found here all summer long at the crappiest website in Crapland (where’d you learn to format? back of a cereal box), but no clean-cut pretty Wordpress posts with awesome photoshops and Bob Ryan’s trademark windbag grin.

Now, imagine my jubilant surprise when I open up the Globe this morning (the inkless version) to find…dun dunaNA! A Bob Ryan basketball column!

Must be about the Celtics somehow.. KG’s knee? Big Baby’s contract? Doc Rivers’ plummet back to mortal Earth? Rajon Rondo’s ascension to godliness?

Nope. It’s about the failure that is Lebron Cornelius James.

It’s been twenty days since I’ve hurt Irishmen’s feelings. Lemme see if I remember how..

Let the hate flow from your fingers like a thousand crystal shards.. (more…)

May
18
2009
0
May
04
2009
0

Combos® Playoff Previews: #1 Cavaliers vs. #4 Hawks

The Combos® Playoff Previews are a series of analytical breakdowns of every matchup in the 2009 NBA Playoffs. They are sponsored by Combos..

Round 2: #1 Cleveland Cavaliers vs. #4 Atlanta Hawks.. (more…)

Apr
14
2009
0
Mar
15
2009
7

Wearing the Wrong Jersey Happens

It’s rarity for an NBA player to spend his entire career with his original team. In fact, only 20 of the NBA’s 50 Greatest Players played for just one franchise (19 if you count Julius Erving’s ABA stint). Hell, nothing can be surprising if Michael Jordan can return to the United Center as a member of the Washington Wizards (both comebacks were examined here).  And yet, some images of star athletes clad in unfamiliar uniforms just seem wrong. Whether it’s a quest for an elusive championship ring, a quick layover, or simply not knowing when to walk away from the game, here are some recent examples of known NBA players suiting up in shockingly unnatural-looking uniforms.

Hakeem Olajuwon, Raptors: Olajuwon played 17 seasons with the Rockets — and 20 years overall in Houston, including his college career — before being traded to the Toronto Raptors for draft picks. He registered career lows in almost every category, averaging just 7 points and 6 rebounds in one forgettable season north of the border. Then again, he might be the only player in NBA history to willingly report to Canada after being traded (see: Alonzo Mourning, Kenny Anderson).

Patrick Ewing, Magic: The late ’90’s Knicks were looking to rebuild and the fans had started to turn against their once franchise center. Ewing himself requested a change of scenery after 15 years without a ring in New York, and was sent to Seattle in a four-team trade. The 36-year-old put up then career-lows in points (9.6) and rebounds (7.4) in one season as a Sonic. He finished his career as seldom-used reserve in Orlando — which I’m guessing has the best Gold Clubs — in an unrecognizable #6 Magic jersey.

Karl Malone, Lakers:  Malone spent his first 18 seasons in Utah, falling just short of a title in 1997 and 1998. Desperate for a championship ring, he signed with the Lakers in 2003.  After never missing more than two games in any prior season, the 40-year-old appeared in just 42 regular season games, and sat out the deciding fifth game of the Finals against the eventual-champion Pistons.  The only good thing from his Lakers stint is that I learned my best pickup moves from the Mailman, who couldn’t quite deliver with Kobe’s wife.

Alex English: Mavericks: English ripped the nets for 11 years in Denver, becoming the franchise leader in points (12th in NBA history), assists, games, and minutes.  After averaging 18 points per game in 1989/90, he was unceremoniously unsigned by the Nuggets and inked a one-year deal with Dallas.  English put up 10 points per gave as backup on an underachieving Mavs team led by Roy “The Snowman” Tarpley in his final season. But man, that rainbow Nuggets throwback still looks so sweet!

Dominique Wilkins, Magic: Wilkins put up over 23,000 points in a Hawks uniform, before being traded to the Clippers for Danny Manning. He then bounced around the globe, playing in Boston, Panathinaikos, San Antonio, and Italy, before finishing his career with his brother Gerald in Orlando. The two-time Slam Dunk champion put up just 5 points in 9 minutes per game with the Magic — more like the Human Lowlight Film, amirite? Useless fact: Wilkins and Ewing are Orlando’s only Hall of Fame inductees.

John Starks, Bulls: Best known for his days in New York — I don’t advise saying “2 for 18″ around any Knicks fans — Starks spent two seasons apiece with the Warriors and Jazz. But during the 1999/00 season, he played four games for the Chicago Bulls, the team he used to battle in epic playoff series during the mid-90’s, and the victims of his career-defining play, “The Dunk” (left). The sight of Starks in Chicago red was almost as unfathomable as Larry Bird in purple and gold…or Chris Tucker in Rush Hour 4.

Robert Parish, Bulls: Parish played 14 seasons and won three titles in Boston after four years with the Warriors. Unfortunately, he’s the definition of not knowing when to hang it up, playing riding the bench until the age of 43 just to get his name into the record books. Parish was a reserve in Charlotte for two years, and averaged just 4 points and 2 rebounds in his final season as a third-string center on the 1997 NBA champion Bulls. Parish finally retired after the season, announcing, “I think it’s time…to walk away.” Only three years too late, Chief.

Scottie Pippen, Rockets: Pippen will always be remembered as Jordan’s sidekick on the six-time champion  Bulls.  But after 11 seasons in Chicago, he was dealt to Houston for Roy Rogers (Jerry Krause is a roast beef man) and a future pick. He played 50 games for the Rockets in a lockout- shortened season, before getting traded to Portland (these parting shots at Charles Barkley imply it didn’t go so well). Pip was instrumental in the Blazers’ 2000 playoff collapse against the Lakers, perhaps because he saw old pal Toni Kokuc in the crowd.

Rasheed Wallace, Hawks: Remember Sheed’s rookie season with the Bullets — a fitting team name for the aspiring rapper — way back in 1995?  He was traded to Portland after one season, where he soon became king of Jailblazers and master of the technical foul. Before helping the Pistons win the title in 2004, Wallace played a single game for the Hawks, a 98-92 loss to the Nets. One thing’s for sure — both teams definitely didn’t play hard.

Mitch Richmond, Lakers: While it may not be as traitorous as Johnny Damon signing with the Yankees or Clay Bennett stealing the Sonics, Richmond, who spent seven All-Star seasons with the Sacramento Kings, signed a one-year deal with the Lakers in 2001 after three years in Washington. He settled for a reduced role in Los Angeles, and unlike Malone and Ewing, won a ring in his final season, even though it meant selling his soul to the devil and beating his former team in the process.


Honorable Mention
:

*Chauncey Billups, RaptorsHis tattoo reminds him of 51 games in Boston.
*Tim Hardaway, Indiana Pacers and Denver Nuggets?
*Gary Payton, Bucks:  His first of four stops after 12 and half seasons in Seattle.
*Glen Rice, Los Angeles Clippers
*Christian Laettner, 1992 Dream Team: What was the selection committee thinking?
*Sean Elliott, Detroit Pistons
*Ben Wallace, Orlando Magic and bald on the Bullets!
*Dikembe Mutombo, New Jersey Nets
*Steve Smith, Charlotte Bobcats: Not sure if he punched any teammates in the face.
*Alonzo Mourning, New Jersey Nets
*Rod Strickland, Toronto Raptors
*Glenn Robinson, San Antonio Spurs
*Jay Williams, New Jersey Nets
*Jayson Williams, Prison Orange: Maybe one day…

Mar
04
2009
1
Jan
23
2009
6

The Return of Monta..

(Monta Ellis trots onto the Oracle Arena court to the raucous applause of Warriors fans and shakes hands with the opposing Cavaliers..)

Ellis: (to himself)  Alright! I’m back on the court! This is gonna be great, I can’t wait!

(Off the tip, Lebron James penetrates the lane and dunks on Monta Ellis)

Ellis: (lands on his butt)  Oof! (more…)

Dec
14
2008
13

The McHale Files: Part I (Worst Trades)

It’s hard to believe that Kevin McHale lasted 13 seasons as the Minnesota Timberwolves’ Vice President of Basketball Operations.  Often regarded as the NBA’s worst GM this side of Isiah Thomas, he made countless terrible decisions that cost his team dearly (most notably perhaps, the infamous Joe Smith fiasco).  But we here at lowposts.com don’t kick people when they’re down — and after all, he was named the best general manager in all of sports by Forbes last season.  In honor of McHale’s firing — excuse me, “stepping down” — let’s take a look at the worst moves of his era…by other GMs.  Part I will focus on trades, and subsequent parts will explore free agent signings and draft picks.

1. Dallas Mavericks trade the draft rights to Robert “Tractor” Traylor to the Milwaukee Bucks for the rights to Dirk Nowitzki and the rights to Pat Garrity.

Yeah…that sure worked out well for the Bucks. Dirk went on to become a perennial All-Star and the first European MVP award winner, while Traylor would lead the league in Big Macs chomped per minute and tax evasion schemes. It should also be noted that the Mavs immidiately flipped the rights to Garrity — along with Martin Muursepp, Bubba Wells, and a future first round draft pick — to the Suns for Steve Nash. As horrible as that looks on paper, Phoenix made out better than exepected. The Suns selected Shawn Marion with the pick, and later brought a supposedly over-the-hill Nash back to the desert for his two MVP seasons.

2. Toronto Raptors trade Vince Carter to the New Jersey Nets for Eric Williams, Aaron Williams, Alonzo Mourning and two 1st round draft picks.

Since Alonzo “Phantom Raptor” Mourning refused to even make the trip to Canada, Toronto gave away Carter for just about nothing…unless you count Joey Graham, who was selected with one of those acquired draft picks (the other one was traded to New York). Sure, Carter wanted out and made his displeasure very obvious, but couldn’t the Raptors get a little more for a perennial All-Star? Like, I don’t know, some home-cooked food and clean drawers?

3. Chicago Bulls trade Eddy Curry and Antonio Davis to the New York Knicks for Tim Thomas, Michael Sweetney, Jermaine Jackson, and two future first round picks.

Let’s see — one the one hand, we have a one-dimensional, overpriced, overweight player who can’t grab a rebound and has a career-threatening heart condition. One the other, we have Tim Thomas, who played three games for the Bulls, and Jermaine Jackson who was cut. At least those draft picks didn’t amount to anything worthwhile — just LaMarcus Aldridge(#2 in 2006) and Joakim Noah (#9 in 2007). Impressive fleece job by Zeke, no?

4. Washington Wizards trade Kwame Brown and Laron Profit to the Los Angeles Lakers for Caron Butler and Chucky Atkins.

Remember that this trade comes on the heels of the widely-criticized Shaquille O’Neal trade, in which the Lakers acquired Butler, Lamar Odom, Brian Grant, and a first round pick for the big man.  Yet, while Shaq led Miami to a title in his second season, his skills sharply declined and he would be later moved for Shawn Marion; plus, that draft pick was used on the promising Jordan Farmar.  But Kwame for Caron Butler? The Lakers really wish they could have a mulligan on that one, since “Birthday Cake” Brown would shockingly fail to impress Phil Jackson with his toughness, while Butler blossomed into one of the top forwards in the league with the Wiz.

5.  Charlotte Hornets trade the draft rights to Kobe Bryant to the Los Angeles Lakers for Vlade Divac.

At the end of the day, it’s a bad trade when you consider that Kobe would become one of the best players in the world and team up with Shaq to win three championships in Los Angeles. But if you’re wondering why this deal isn’t ranked higher, let’s remember a few key components. Kobe was expected to be a top-five pick, until he refused to workout for any teams except the Knicks and Lakers.  He even insisted that he’d play in Europe if another team were to take him — he’s grown so much since those days.   The Hornets selected him at number 13 overall, and ended up with an All-Star caliber center in Divac, who helped Charlotte reach the postseason in both of his seasons on the team.   Oh, and isn’t it fun to watch Kobe squirm uncomfortably in his Hornets cap on draft night?

6.  New Orleans Hornets send Baron Davis to the Golden State Warriors for Speedy Claxton and Dale Davis.

Read those names again, and please tell me what the Hornets were thinking here.  It’s not like Davis was an All-Star and All-NBA team member or anything (what, you mean, he was???).  Okay, so he missed a few games games and didn’t get along with Byron Scott, but that’s the best they could do?  Not-so-speedy Claxton would play 87 games over two seasons, and 35-year-old Dale Davis contributed a whopping 3.1 points in just 35 appearances.  Baron Davis, meanwhile, helped revitalize a struggling Warriors franchise, shattered Andrei Kirilenko’s confidence, and brought more of the beautiful Ms. Alba into our lives.

7.  Houston Rockets trade Richard Jefferson, Jason Collins, and Brandon Armstrong to the New Jersey Nets for Eddie Griffin.

A lot of critics felt the Nets were making a huge mistake by trading Griffin, who appeared to have an unprecedented skillset.  And yet, Jefferson and Collins were starters on back-to-back Nets Finals teams, while Griffin (RIP) never came close to realizing his full potential…well, except for that time in his SUV.

8. Washington Wizards trade Chris Webber to the Sacramento Kings for Mitch Richmond and Otis Thorpe.

The Wizards took a huge step backwards by dealing Webber in his prime for Richmond, who was entering the downside for his career.  Although Webber missed a lot of games with a dislocated shoulder, and had off the court troubles with the law in DC, he would transform the laughing stock Kings into an instant title contender.  The Wizards, captained by Richmond, Rod Strickland, and Juwan Howard, would fail to win more than 29 games in three seasons, before Michael Jordan mercifully relinquished his title of Director of Basketball Operations and destroyed his knees on the court.

9. Memphis Grizzlies trade Pau Gasol to the Los Angeles Lakers for Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittendon, Marc Gasol, Aaron McKie’s corpse, and two future 1st round draft picks (2008 and 2010).

Call me crazy, but I don’t think this trade is as bad as everyone has made it out to be.  Yes, the Grizz could’ve gotten more, and Pau channeled his inner Vince Carter and started trying again in Los Angeles.  But the Grizzlies didn’t win a single playoff game during the Gasol era, and decided to rebuild: Brown’s expiring contract came off the books, Marc Gasol has played very well in his first season, and the 2008 pick turned out to be Donte Greene, who was shipped to the Rockets for Darrell Arthur and a 2009 second-rounder.  Plus, they have another 1st rounder next season.  Wait, did I just compliment Chris Wallace??

10. Minnesota Timberwolves trade Sam Cassell and a future first round draft pick for Marko Jaric

I know, I said no McHale trades, but come on! He made this deal right after the Wolves finally broke through and reached the Western Conference Finals, and then signed Jaric to a cap-killing five-year, $37 million extension. Plus, he refused to feed Latrell Sprewell’s family!


Dishonorable Mention:

*Detroit Pistons trade Grant Hill to the Orlando Magic for Ben Wallace and Chucky Atkins.

*Atlanta Hawks trade Rasheed Wallace to the Detroit Pistons for Bob Sura, Zeljko Rebraca, and a lottery-protected first round pick (Mil).

*Boston Celtics trade Joe Johnson, Randy Brown, Milt Palacio and a first round pick to the Phoenix Suns for Rodney Rodgers and Tony Delk.

Oct
26
2008
9

Where Did All the ‘Fros Go?

I’ve been fascinated by afros ever since I was a little kid.   When I was growing up, I wanted a ‘fro more than anything in the world, and constantly begged my mother to let me get a perm for my wavy hair.  In hindsight, I’m glad she didn’t listen, because I could never pull of a cool-looking Jewfro (at least, not as well as “Fletch“).

To make up for the lack of awesome afros in the early ’90’s — the apparent peak of the flat top era — I frequented local sports card shows, searching for new, um, hair-raising items to add to my collection.  The ABA was the jackpot of amazing afros during the 1970’s.  Among my favorites were classic styles worn by the likes of Darnell Hillman and Julius Erving, the Chia Pet on the head of Randy Denton, and Michael Jackson’s “thriller.”  The unintentionally hilarious balding ‘fro would later find its way into the NBA, courtesy of World B. Free.

Thankfully, the late ’90’s and early 2000’s marked the triumphant return of the ‘fro, starting with Ben Wallace.  Big Ben was one of the first players to switch between the increasingly popular cornrows and afro hairstyles from game to game.  Although the trend never caught on as much as one would’ve liked, it game us a handful of memorable appearances, such as the ones below.

Ben Wallace

Shaun Livingston

Ricky Davis

Darius Miles

Moochie Norris

Ronny Turiaf

Ronny Turiaf

For a short time, several NBA superstars got into the act, popularizing the ‘baby afro’ look in the mid-2000’s.  It’s a shame that Gilbert Arenas may have kept his bushy hairstyle a little longer, had it not been for an unfortunate conditioning incident.  Even the usually plain-vanilla Tim Duncan busted out a fantastic mini-fro for the beginning 2004/05 season, before eventually going back to his patented bald look.

Kobe Bryant

Kobe Bryant

Gilbert Arenas

Gilbert Arenas

Tim Duncan

Tim Duncan

Unfortunately, those hairstyles are long gone, and today’s NBA has a disturbing lack of hair creativity.  Ben Wallace’s ‘fro is tired, and it’s only a matter of time before he starts looking like the aforementioned World B. Free (sorry, I just can’t get enough of that photo).  I don’t know what Anderson Varejao, Robin Lopez, and Joakim Noah have going right now, but those are not afros.  They look more like Sideshow Bob or Corbin Bleu admirers than Dr. J fans.  To top if off, the only man who’s maintained a true ‘fro since coming into the league, Josh Childress, is now representing in Greece.  And it’ll be at least a year until we see Brandon Jennings’ old school flat top on the NBA hardwood.  We’re close to reaching a crisis stage here, people.  If David Stern needs to get involved here, I’m okay with that — whatever it takes.  Just bring back the ‘fro!

Josh Childress

Josh Childress

Anderson Varejao

Anderson Varejao

Robin Lopez

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