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A triple-double is a rare and (usually) well-praised achievement. Over the last 20 years, 162 players have recorded at least one game with double-digits in three statistical categories (none of them are, of course, named Ricky Davis). While it makes sense that more than half were accomplished by point guards with high assist totals, it’s harder to explain how Mark Jackson (14), Damon Stoudamire (6), and Chris Childs (2), to name a few, have more career triple-doubles than Allen Iverson and Stephon Marbury, who have only one apiece (at least in the US).

When Rafer Alston notched his first in January — and it’s no small feat to get 10 assists on the New Jersey Nets — he joined the list of the least likely players to record a triple-double in recent NBA history.

Oliver Miller, Phoenix Suns (14 points, 15 rebounds, 11 assists - 02/09/1994): That’s right, Oliver Miller, and I won’t even make the obligatory fat joke here. That was already done for me by Dee Brown three years after Miller’s first and only triple-double, when the 350-plus-pound center vowed to get another one against the Boston Celtics. “Can you believe that? He’s going to get a triple double? A triple cheeseburger, maybe.” Miller just barely missed it, too — by 10 points, 6 assists, and 2 rebounds.

Anthony Bowie, Orlando Magic (20 points, 10 rebounds, 10 assists - 3/19/1996): Bowie grabbed his tenth rebound and called timeout with 2.7 seconds left in the game…with Orlando up by 20 points.   Desperate for a triple-double, he designed his own play in the huddle to then record his tenth assist. Outraged Pistons coach Doug Collins — clearly not from Jerry Sloan’s school of hard knocks — instructed his players to stand at the side of the court and not even contest Bowie’s cheap stat-padding.

Rodney White, Denver Nuggets (17 points, 12 rebounds, 10 assists - 03/24/2003): Number of times White recorded double-digit rebounds in his 218-game NBA career?  One. Double-digit assists?  One. To say this was the game of a lifetime for one of the biggest busts in league history would be an understatement, considering White averaged 7.1 points, 2.2 rebounds, and 1.1 assists before finding himself out of the league in 2005 at the age of 24.

Brian Shaw, Orlando Magic (11 points, 10 assists and 10 rebounds - 12/29/95): Shaw recorded his triple-double in garbage time of a 24-point blowout against the Clippers (then again, when isn’t it garbage time against the Clippers?), which lead to this “Shaw Destroys Clippers” headline the next day. Um, right. Not so fun fact: he was once traded for equally crappy, undersized PG Sherman Douglas, who somehow registered his only triple-double during the same season.

Bob Sura, Atlanta Hawks (twice - 2003/2004): It’s odd to list Sura on this list, since he narrowly missed becoming the 12th player in NBA history to post three consecutive triple-doubles before his last one was disallowed (at least he shot at the right basket). Traded from the Pistons, with whom he put up 3.8 points, 1.9 rebounds, and 1.7 assists, to Atlanta at the deadline, Sura averaged an Oscar Roberston-esque 14.7 points, 8.3 rebounds, and 5.7 assists in 27 games as a Hawk. I’m still not sure how or if it even really happened.

Chris Duhon, Chicago Bulls (18 points, 12 assists, 10 rebounds - 11/02/05):   No one would question 12 assists from a starting point guard on a good team, and maybe even a game with 10 boards (his one and only) are within reach. But there’s no way any Knicks fan who’s watched Duhon shoot a historically miserable 34% from the field in 58 games this season will buy that he once scored 18 points in a single game.

Blue Edwards, Vancouver Grizzlies (15 points, 13 rebounds, 11 assists - 3/1/1996): Edwards, who averaged a pedestrian 10.8 points, 3.4 rebounds, and two assists over 10 seasons, recorded the first triple-double in Grizzlies history. But an even more amazing stat is that he beat out Shawn Kemp to become the first NBA player to have a movie about one of his illegitimate children.  Yes, his late-90’s child custody case in Vancouver led to a 2009 film on the Canadian Television Network. Seriously.

Dishonorable Mention:

Williams has as many Raptors triple-doubles as Vince Carter...and Charles Oakley.

*Kevin Gamble, Boston Celtics (23 points, 11 rebounds, 10 assists - 3/16/1993): Fact: prior to 1997, only four players in Boston Celtics history had ever recorded a triple double –Larry Bird, Robert Parish, Dennis Johnson…and Kevin Gamble (9.5 points, 2.2 rebounds, 2.0 assists for his career).

*Rumeal Robinson, New Jersey Nets (twice, 1993): Robinson lasted six season in the NBA with six teams, averaging 7.6 points, 1.8 rebounds, and 3.5 assists, notching triple-doubles in the only two double-digit rebound games of his career.

*Alvin Williams, Toronto Raptors (11 points, 10 rebounds, 14 assists - 3/23/01): Williams, despite an injury-riddled career in which he played just three games over his final three seasons, had a few decent years in Toronto. What’s hard to believe is that his triple double from nine years ago is the most recent one recorded by a Raptor, a span during which 15 players have recorded one against Toronto.

I wish I knew why NBA players continue to put out rap albums.  Over the last 15 years, we’ve heard over a dozen prominent athletes disgrace themselves on the microphone for our enjoyment. To be fair, not all of them are terrible…and hell, I’d take any of these guys over Lil’ Wayne. Let’s take a look back at the worst of the worst, starting with the man who started it all…Shaq-Fu.

1992: Shaquille O’Neal — For the life of me, I’ll never understand how Shaq’s first album went platinum and his second went gold. Sure, he’s one of the most recognizable athletes in the world, but he’s embarrassingly bad on mic. I’m not even going to say his lyrics are as bad as his foul shooting – that’s being too kind. Don’t let the infamous freestyle Kobe diss fool you; look no further than his debut, Shaq Diesel to get, um, a taste.

I had a hard time picking out my favorite rhymes, but here are a few gems:

“I can flow like pee, coming out yo’ know what / Or some ookey diarrhea coming out yo’ butt”
“Watch out the funky hooper / I uh er-huh er-huh, sorry, I made a pooper.” (I Hate to Brag)
“I leave a bad taste in your mouth, like boogers in coffee” (Shoot Pass Slam)
“Treat you like Spielberg / You get Jur-ASS-kicked in the park” (I Know I Got Skillz)

Oh, and whatever you do, don’t click here…you won’t feel good about yourself, trust me.

1994: Immortal Records released an amazing hip-hop album called Basketball’s Best-Kept Secret, which features songs from several recognizable ‘90’s ballers. A few of these joints aren’t even half-bad: Dana Barros informs us that he “slams like Onyx, puffing on the chronic,” Brian Shaw slow-flows through a somber track about his family’s struggles, and even Gary Payton sounds decent over a funky West Coast beat. But the two absolute worst on the record are Jason Kidd, whose uses the same monotone flow from his interviews on “What the Kidd Didd;” and Cedric Ceballos, who even graced us with a fantastic music video for his corny (Warren G-produced!?) track, “Flow On.”

Typing out lyrics doesn’t even do these songs justice, but here goes:

Ceballos: “You start to Wonder, I know yo’ name is Stevie / Don’t think about it fool, cuz you know you can’t see me”
“Tickity tock, don’t stop, yeah the clock is still tickin’ / Ya booty chicken rhymes, mine are finger lickin’”

Kidd: “At St. Joe’s, the hos treated me different / But I was good on the dribble like an infant”

1999: Chris Webber — I remember spotting C-Webb’s first single, “Gangsta Gangsta (How U Do It),” at my local Sam Goody some years back. What do you do when your favorite basketball player releases a horrible rap album? You pretend it never existed. Unfortunately, Webber couldn’t let that happen – he also shot not one, but two clichéd videos.  “Gangsta” features Kurupt and Redman, though shockingly, Juwan Howard and Jalen Rose are nowhere to be found. Oh, and he rhymes “fetish for lettuce” with “Jerome Bettis.”  Ugh.

Bonus unreleased C-Webb video: “Too Much Drama”

2000: Kobe Bryant –- Allen “Jewelz” Iverson also released a few tracks during the same year, though his album was famously disallowed by Commissioner Stern for its violent and homophobic lyrics. Either way, we can give AI a pass here, since his flow doesn’t sound that forced on “40 Bars.” Kobe, however, gets no such pass. Bryant was set to release his debut album, Visions, until that project was understandably scrapped. He did, however, cut a few tracks with Fiddy and Beanie Sigel (seriously) and made a cameo on Brian McKnight’s “Hold Me (Remix)” in 1997.

Below is a live performance of his first single, “K.O.B.E.” — with a guest verse from Tyra Banks!

And here’s my personal favorite, “Thug Poet,” featuring 50 Cent and Broady Boy (courtesy of XXLMag.com).  He can’t be serious, right?

Timeless lyrics from Black Mamba:

“Kick in the do’ wavin’ the flow flow / All you heard was stop, can’t take the hits - can’t take the hits - no more” (Thug Poet)

“If you hear me say murder, that means I’m a Thug Poet / If I say my mind kills, that means I’m a Thug Poet / If I say that I’m a glock, that means that I’m a Thug Poet,”

“But I refuse to weep / Yet when I sleep, I feel tears trickling down my cheek” (Hold Me)

2006: Ron Artest & 2008: Troy Hudson – I’m gonna group these two together, since they suffer from the same problem: lack of interest. Absolutely no one cared when their respective albums were released, as Ron-Ron sold a meager 343 copies in his first week, and T-Hud managed to one-up him by selling 78 of his own. Both sound equally awkward and off beat at times, though they’re nowhere near as bad as some their predecessors…so I guess that’s progress. Their anemic sales are punishment enough, and I wouldn’t have gone any further…had I not come across this amazing video for T-Hud’s “Tru Luv” (featuring Ray J). I’m not gonna lie to you, the song is actually kinda hot — aside from Hudson’s simplistic rapping — but I’m not saying anything further. Just watch and enjoy.

Dishonorable mention – Tony Parker. This song sounds horrendous to me, but since I don’t know French, I won’t judge…for now.