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When Andre Miller, a pass-first point guard who holds a modest 14.5 career scoring average, poured in 52 points against the Dallas Mavericks on January 30, it was one of the most unbelievable statistics in recent NBA history. In the previous three games, he’d scored 15 points combined, and in the two games following the scoring binge, he put up just eight and nine points, respectively. While he’s been an All-Star caliber player for much of his 12-year career, Miller is one of the least likely players to reach the half-century mark.  Fifty-eight players have joined the 50-point club in the last 20 years — here some of the other most unexpected and in some cases, worst members.

Willie Burton, Philadelphia 76ers (53 points, 12/13/1994): Remember good ol’ Willie “”Bringin’ the Hurtin’” Burton? Stop lying, because you don’t. He barely lasted eight seasons in the NBA, appearing in just 39 total games over his final three years. But on one magical night, Burton poured in 53 points against his former team, the Miami Heat, on only 19 field goal attempts and a whopping 24 of 28 free throws.  It’s not possible to come up with a more random player to put up fifty — not even Tim Burton could come up with a more scary tale.  And if you’re wondering, that rookie card on the right sells for 40 cents.

Tracy Murray, Washington Bullets (50 points, 2/10/1998): Murray carved out a 12-year career as a three-point shooting role player, amassing a humble 9.0 scoring average. On a night when Chris Webber and Juwan Howard were out with injuries (shocker), Murray put up 29 shot attempts a short-handed Bullet squad that featured the likes of Darvin Ham, Terry Davis, Harvey Grant, Lawrence Moten, and Chris Whitney. That part is left out on on his official website.

Tony Delk, Phoenix Suns (53 points, 1/2/2001): Another journeyman with a lowly 9.1 career scoring average, Delk poured in 53 in a loss against his former Sacramento Kings team. A renowned three-point specialist going back to his days at Kentucky, he somehow did so without hitting a single three-pointer, joining Michael Jordan and Allen Iverson as the only guards to accomplish that feat in the last 20 years. Something is very wrong with this world when Tony Delk is mentioned in the same sentence as Jordan and Iverson.

Clifford Robinson, Phoenix Suns (50 points, 1/16/2000):  The “Robinson scores 50″ headlines probably weren’t that surprising, since everyone just assumed it was David, who’d done so three times in his career. But Uncle Cliffy, who played for 18 seasons in league until the age of 40, became the oldest player in NBA history to score 50 points for the first time at 33 years and two months. He later became the oldest player to get busted for marijuana…three times at ages 34, 37, and 39.

Damon Stoudamire, Portland Trail Blazers (54 points, 1/14/2005): Perhaps as unexpected as Miller’s 52, “Mighty Mouse” scored 54 points during a renaissance 2004/05 campaign. The man who once tried to pass through an airport metal detector with marijuana wrapped in aluminum foil, also made Antoine Walker jealous by hitting five of his NBA record 21 three-point attempts in one game that season. Stoudamire was soon traded to Memphis and later signed with the Spurs, averaging 7.4 points over the next three years.

Dana Barros, Philadelphia 76ers (50 points, 3/14/1995): If this were baseball, Barros’ fluky and undeserved 1994/95 All-Star campaign, in which he averaged 20.6 points and 7.5 assists on a 24-58 Sixers team, significantly above his career marks of 10.5 and 3.3, would raise a lot of eyebrows. Even more amazing than his 50-point game, might be Barros’ 25-point, 15-assist, 10-rebound triple-double against the Magic. Yes, that Dana Barros. Then again, his best teammates were an aging Jeff Malone and the legendary Clarence Weatherspoon, so, yeah…

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In honor of St Patrick’s Day, we here at lowposts wanted to do something that was uniquely Irish, combining all the aspects of the Irish experience. After a night of heavy drinking & brain-racking, we had a eureka moment. What three things define the Irish experience more than anything else? Potatoes, green stuff & booze! The following story involves two of the three. Please, now, enjoy a day in the life of Vin Baker and the 2003-04 Boston Celtics. A heartwarming story full of spirit(s)..

Baker: Burrrrrrp!

Barros: Arrggh, gross. You smell like a lawnmower engine!

Baker: (swigs from whiskey bottle)  You smell like-a lawblower injun..

Walker: (cackles) (more…)

I wish I knew why NBA players continue to put out rap albums.  Over the last 15 years, we’ve heard over a dozen prominent athletes disgrace themselves on the microphone for our enjoyment. To be fair, not all of them are terrible…and hell, I’d take any of these guys over Lil’ Wayne. Let’s take a look back at the worst of the worst, starting with the man who started it all…Shaq-Fu.

1992: Shaquille O’Neal — For the life of me, I’ll never understand how Shaq’s first album went platinum and his second went gold. Sure, he’s one of the most recognizable athletes in the world, but he’s embarrassingly bad on mic. I’m not even going to say his lyrics are as bad as his foul shooting – that’s being too kind. Don’t let the infamous freestyle Kobe diss fool you; look no further than his debut, Shaq Diesel to get, um, a taste.

I had a hard time picking out my favorite rhymes, but here are a few gems:

“I can flow like pee, coming out yo’ know what / Or some ookey diarrhea coming out yo’ butt”
“Watch out the funky hooper / I uh er-huh er-huh, sorry, I made a pooper.” (I Hate to Brag)
“I leave a bad taste in your mouth, like boogers in coffee” (Shoot Pass Slam)
“Treat you like Spielberg / You get Jur-ASS-kicked in the park” (I Know I Got Skillz)

Oh, and whatever you do, don’t click here…you won’t feel good about yourself, trust me.

1994: Immortal Records released an amazing hip-hop album called Basketball’s Best-Kept Secret, which features songs from several recognizable ‘90’s ballers. A few of these joints aren’t even half-bad: Dana Barros informs us that he “slams like Onyx, puffing on the chronic,” Brian Shaw slow-flows through a somber track about his family’s struggles, and even Gary Payton sounds decent over a funky West Coast beat. But the two absolute worst on the record are Jason Kidd, whose uses the same monotone flow from his interviews on “What the Kidd Didd;” and Cedric Ceballos, who even graced us with a fantastic music video for his corny (Warren G-produced!?) track, “Flow On.”

Typing out lyrics doesn’t even do these songs justice, but here goes:

Ceballos: “You start to Wonder, I know yo’ name is Stevie / Don’t think about it fool, cuz you know you can’t see me”
“Tickity tock, don’t stop, yeah the clock is still tickin’ / Ya booty chicken rhymes, mine are finger lickin’”

Kidd: “At St. Joe’s, the hos treated me different / But I was good on the dribble like an infant”

1999: Chris Webber — I remember spotting C-Webb’s first single, “Gangsta Gangsta (How U Do It),” at my local Sam Goody some years back. What do you do when your favorite basketball player releases a horrible rap album? You pretend it never existed. Unfortunately, Webber couldn’t let that happen – he also shot not one, but two clichéd videos.  “Gangsta” features Kurupt and Redman, though shockingly, Juwan Howard and Jalen Rose are nowhere to be found. Oh, and he rhymes “fetish for lettuce” with “Jerome Bettis.”  Ugh.

Bonus unreleased C-Webb video: “Too Much Drama”

2000: Kobe Bryant –- Allen “Jewelz” Iverson also released a few tracks during the same year, though his album was famously disallowed by Commissioner Stern for its violent and homophobic lyrics. Either way, we can give AI a pass here, since his flow doesn’t sound that forced on “40 Bars.” Kobe, however, gets no such pass. Bryant was set to release his debut album, Visions, until that project was understandably scrapped. He did, however, cut a few tracks with Fiddy and Beanie Sigel (seriously) and made a cameo on Brian McKnight’s “Hold Me (Remix)” in 1997.

Below is a live performance of his first single, “K.O.B.E.” — with a guest verse from Tyra Banks!

And here’s my personal favorite, “Thug Poet,” featuring 50 Cent and Broady Boy (courtesy of XXLMag.com).  He can’t be serious, right?

Timeless lyrics from Black Mamba:

“Kick in the do’ wavin’ the flow flow / All you heard was stop, can’t take the hits - can’t take the hits - no more” (Thug Poet)

“If you hear me say murder, that means I’m a Thug Poet / If I say my mind kills, that means I’m a Thug Poet / If I say that I’m a glock, that means that I’m a Thug Poet,”

“But I refuse to weep / Yet when I sleep, I feel tears trickling down my cheek” (Hold Me)

2006: Ron Artest & 2008: Troy Hudson – I’m gonna group these two together, since they suffer from the same problem: lack of interest. Absolutely no one cared when their respective albums were released, as Ron-Ron sold a meager 343 copies in his first week, and T-Hud managed to one-up him by selling 78 of his own. Both sound equally awkward and off beat at times, though they’re nowhere near as bad as some their predecessors…so I guess that’s progress. Their anemic sales are punishment enough, and I wouldn’t have gone any further…had I not come across this amazing video for T-Hud’s “Tru Luv” (featuring Ray J). I’m not gonna lie to you, the song is actually kinda hot — aside from Hudson’s simplistic rapping — but I’m not saying anything further. Just watch and enjoy.

Dishonorable mention – Tony Parker. This song sounds horrendous to me, but since I don’t know French, I won’t judge…for now.