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There are two rules for being a successful NBA franchise. The first is don’t hire Isiah Thomas as your general manager. The second is steer clear of rookies who don’t want to play for your team. At least the Timberwolves got one of those right. As much as David Kahn wants to insist that drafting Ricky Rubio was the right move, it’s strikingly reminiscent of the Clippers drafting Danny Ferry in 1989, who immediately bolted to Italy (best decision he’s ever made), and more recently, the Magic drafting Fran Vázquez in 2005, who much like Rubio, gave no initial indication that he’d return to Spain rather than play in the NBA. The fact is, history has shown that drafting players against their wishes rarely ends well for teams who try to test their luck.

The Grizzlies selected Steve Francis second overall in the 1999 NBA Draft (over Baron Davis, Lamar Odom, and Shawn Marion) despite the fact that the Maryland guard publicly announced that he had no intention of playing in Vancouver. After nearly convincing him to sign with the team — Francis even filmed a shelved ESPN commercial where he revealed that his holdout was over his dislike of Canadian bacon — the Grizzlies were forced to trade the future three-time All-Star to the Rockets. In return, Vancouver acquired the poo-poo platter of Michael Dickerson, Othella Harrington, Antoine Carr and Brent Price, and shockingly began losing fan support and money. The team moved to Memphis within two years, all because “The Franchise” ruined, well, the franchise. In an ironic twist of fate, Francis was dealt by Houston back to the Grizzlies last season, but once again never suited up after immediately getting bought-out and waived.

Two years ago, the Bucks decided to draft Yi Jianlian, even after his agent Dan “Jack Woltz” Fegan insisted that his client would never play in Milwaukee. Yi eventually received an offer he couldn’t refuse — a guaranteed starting job and significant playing time. He put up a paltry 8.6 points on a 26-win Bucks team, and turned out to be (at least) three years older than the listed age on his Chinese documents. Milwaukee traded Yi to the Nets for Richard Jefferson after one disappointing season, and a year later, managed to turn the sixth pick in a strong 2007 draft class into three expiring contracts.

Going back further, in 1992, Jim Jackson, drafted fourth overall by the Mavericks, refused to report to the team and missed the majority of his rookie season after a lengthy contract dispute (this was, of course, before the days of the rookie salary cap, implemented after Glenn “Big Dog” Robinson demanded a ludicrous 13-year, $100 million contract). Jackson and Jason Kidd, two of the three “J’s” who were supposed to lead the Mavs back to prominence, allegedly became involved in a love triangle with R&B singer Toni Braxton and insisted they’d never breathe again on the same team. Jackson, along with Sam Cassell, was traded to the Nets for Shawn Bradley and Ed O’Bannon. Needless to say, the Mavs received the short end of that deal and would go on to have five consecutive losing seasons.

Which brings us back to Rubio. By drafting a player who, by all indications, doesn’t want to play in Minnesota, Kahn has all but guaranteed that his team will suffer, even if Rubio eventually ends up donning the green and blue. Call it a self-fulfilling prophecy or a final destination, but Minnesota’s fate was decided the moment David Stern announced the fifth pick in the 2009 Draft. Need more proof? How about those same lovable Clippers finally convincing their 1988 top pick, Danny Manning, to sign his contract, only to watch him blow out his knee 26 games into his rookie season and never live up to expectations?

Then again, it might be fun reading Kevin Love’s angry Twitter updates about the floppy-haired Spanish kid macking on his girlfriend…

Maybe they meant the next Bird, based on how Larry would play today?

Magic Johnson once said, “There will never, eva be another Larry Bird.” Tell that to the media. Every couple of years, a successful white player enters the NBA and instantly becomes anointed as the second coming of Larry Legend (I’m looking at you, Tyler Hansbrough). Forget about Bird’s underrated court vision, defensive anticipation, leadership, and downright cockiness — the only prerequisite for drawing a comparison to the legend is being tall and Caucasian. While some players, such as Dirk Nowitzki and Chris Mullin, carved out Hall of Fame-worthy careers in Bird’s shadow (even Tom Chambers had five 20-point seasons), most haven’t fared quite so well. Here’s a look at the ten worst players who were once labeled as “The Next Larry Bird.”

1. Adam Morrison: A 6′8″ white guy with floppy hair and a prebubescent mustache is bound to draw comparisons to Bird.  Morrison averaged 11.8 points per game as a rookie on 38% shooting, placing him last among regulars in John Hollinger’s PER rankings. After missing the entire 2007/08 season with a torn ACL, he was traded to the Lakers because he “couldn’t handle the pressure” of being the third pick — completely out of character for a man who once cried on the court. Morrison averaged 1.3 points in six minutes per game for Los Angeles.

2. Andrew Gaze: The greatest Australian baller this side of Luc Longley was cut by the Sonics in favor of the legendary Scott Meents in 1990, and went on to play 26 games in the NBA with the Bullets and Spurs, scoring 46 points — total (1.7 per game). He was given a championship ring by the Spurs despite being left off the playoff roster 1999, putting him somewhere between Jack Haley and Darko Milicic on the all-time undeserved ring recipients list. But according to Donn Nelson, Gaze has “the full international package,” which if nothing else makes him the Aussie Dirk Diggler.

3. Eric Montross: Prior to the 1994 Draft, Boston general manager M.L. Carr said the 7′0″ stiff was “cut from the same cloth” as Larry Legend.  Yes, that Eric Montross, who put up 12 points, seven rebounds, and zero three-point attempts at UNC. Even more remarkable is the fact that Bird himself was working as a Celtics special assistant and gave him a strong evalutation. Montross averaged 4.9 points, 4.6 rebounds, 0.6 blocks over 11 seasons, and Carr’s Celtics won 35, 33, and a franchise-worst 15 games in his three seasons as GM and head coach.

4. Danny Ferry: You know it’s a sad day when Danny Ferry comes in fourth on a “worst” list. After refusing to play for the Clippers, Ferry signed an absurd 10-year, $37 million contract with the Cavs, and averaged seven points and three rebounds per game in 13 seasons. He was tall, painfully slow, and had an ugly lean-in set shot. While Bird wasn’t afraid to fight Julius Erving and Bill Laimbeer, Ferry’s career-defining moment was bitch-slapping Marcus Camby and ducking behind Jeff Van Gundy to avoid a retaliatory roundhouse punch.

5. Austin Croshere: Croshere averaged career highs of 10.3 points and 6.4 rebounds in 1999/00 while playing under Bird in Indiana. He was rewarded with a cap-killing, seven-year, $51 million contract, making him the second highest-paid player on the conference champions. He predictably fell out of the Pacers’ rotation and never came close to living up to his contract. Shockingly, he’s still in the league, putting up 2.9 points and 2.3 rebounds in 14 games with the Bucks and Spurs last season.

6. Wally Szczerbiak: Once described as having a “Larry Bird game” along with “a Tom Cruise smile” (I feel a little dirty just writing that), Szczerbiak made one undeserved All-Star appearance in 2002. He’s since bounced around the league and put up career lows of seven points and 3.1 rebounds per game with Cleveland last season. But at least both Szczerbiak and Bird played for the Celtics and wore double digits on their jerseys, which is more than most of the other guys can say.

7. Troy Murphy: Murphy might’ve ranked higher had it not been for his career season in 2008/09, when he averaged 14.3 points (45% from beyond the arc), 11.2 rebounds (second in the NBA), and 2.4 assists. It’s probably no coincidence that Bird brought him to Indiana, either. While he’ll still never come close to Larry Legend territory, I should admint that I’ve had an inflated perception of Murphy ever since he demolished me in a high school pickup game.

8. Keith Van Horn: The second overall pick in 1997 had his best years with the Nets, even appearing on the cover of NBA Jam ‘99, before playing for four teams in his final four years in the league. Van Horn averaged 16 points per game for his career, and is best remembered for wearing high knee socks. While Bird had a guaranteed contract when he retired and forfeited his last two paychecks, Van Horn came out of “retirement” to accept $4.3 million to stay home. Because that $73 million contract he once signed couldn’t feed his family.

9. Mike Dunleavy Jr. / Mike Miller: After putting up 5.7 points per game as a rookie, Dunleavy shed the bust label by registering a career best 19.1 points in 2007/08. Last I checked, however, he’s still a Dukie. Miller is a solid role player and has established himself as a terrific long-range shooter. Then again, I can say the same things about Pat Garrity or Jason Kapono, who (hopefully) never drew Bird comparisons. Either way, I’m grouping Dunleavy and Miller together because they share their sisters’ hair bands.

10. Christian Laettner: Laettner never emerged into the superstar many expected, putting up 13.3 points per game and 6.9 rebounds per game for six teams. A one-time All-Star reserve in 1997, he was inexplicably selected to the 1992 Dream Team based on his collegiate accomplishments, leading Charles Barkley to note that “the only thing Christian Laettner has in common with Larry Bird is they both pee standing up.” Yep, that’s why we love you, Chuck.

Honorable Mention:

*Joe Alexander: It didn’t take long for Alexander to get compared to both Larry Bird and Jerry West in one ESPN telecast. This is just a classic example of announcer idiocy.

*Eric Piatkowski: I’m not sure if Piatkowski was ever actually referred to as a Bird heir, but it wouldn’t be surprising. I just wanted to show some love for “The Polish Rifle,” who was once fined for wearing his shorts too low. Dude’s as gangsta as Larry.

Many children follow in their fathers’ footsteps, looking to uphold a family tradition of excellence.  Perhaps the most well-known father-son duo in sports is the Griffeys, who not only played on the same major league team, but also famously hit back-to-back home runs.  The NBA’s had its fair share of familiar surnames, and will soon see a new wave of former players’ sons once Stephen Curry, Ralph Sampson III, and Shawn Kemp Jr. (pretty good odds on at least one), among others, reach the next level.  We’ll tackle the best father-son combos another time, but for now, let’s take a look at the least successful offspring of former NBA stars.

1.  Patrick Ewing Jr.: While his father is one of the greatest centers in league history, junior is yet to play a minute in the regular season.  After being drafted by the Kings in 2008, he was a throw-in to the Ron Artest trade with Houston and was then shipped to New York for the rights to Frederic Weis, who’s reportedly still spitting out Vince Carter’s pubes. Ewing averaged 3.7 points and 1.7 rebounds in three preseason games and was cut in favor of Anthony Roberson and Jerome James.  He was recently waived by his D-league team after spraining his MCL.

2. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Jr.: Best as I can tell, the 32-year-old son of the NBA’s all-time scoring leader is no longer playing basketball, solely based on this informative section on Abdul-Jabbar Sr.’s Wiki page. The only other evidence of junior’s professional career is his Delta Jammers profile, which along with a terrific scouting report, gives him an ever-slight edge over Ewing Jr. by virtue of his two NBA Summer Pro League Championships.  His father must be so proud.

3. Drew Barry: Rick Barry is one of the league’s 50 greatest players, a five time All-NBA team member, and an eight-time All-Star. Drew? Not so much. But he gets credit for appearing in 60 games with the Hawks, Sonics, and Warriors, averaging 2.2 points and 1.9 assists, which can’t be said for his brother Scooter.  It’s a shame that he never emerged into a star, robbing the back-page sports editors of “Drew Barry-More!” headlines.  And since I can’t find a picture of Barry in the pros, that’s what you’ll get.

4. Danny Schayes: His father Dolph, a 12-time All-Star and eight-time All-NBA Teamer, held the league scoring record at the time of his retirement (19,249). While Danny put up modest averages of 7.7 points and five rebounds per game in 18 seasons, the only thing I remember is getting him confused with Andrew DeClercq. Although it should be noted that both Schayes were inducted it into the ultra-exclusive Hall of Fame of Jewish Athletes.

5. Luke Walton: Yet another Hall of Fame father, Bill Walton won an MVP Award and two championships despite a multitude of injuries. Luke Walton had a career season in 2007/08, putting up 11.4 points and five rebounds per game, but has steadily regressed over the following two years, averaging just five points in 65 games last season. He’s often praised for his “basketball IQ,” which is the equivalent of saying he has a nice personality, and holds the distinction of being the worst professional athlete to ever have his own stalker.

6. Danny Ferry: Bob Ferry played 10 seasons in the NBA, averaging 16.2 points and 9.4 rebounds per game, and won a title as the general manager of the Washington Bullets in 1978. Danny is one of the biggest busts in NBA history, who spurned the Clippers after being drafted and went on to average 7.0 points and 2.8 rebounds in 13 seasons. After riding the bench on the 2003 champion Spurs, he was hired as the GM of the Cavaliers, where he promptly signed Larry Hughes to a five-year, $70 million contract.

7. Sean May: Scott played seven seasons in the NBA, averaging 10.4 points and 4.1 rebounds per game, and won a gold medal in the 1976 Summer Olympics. Sean has nearly matched his father’s production with career averages of 8.5 points and five rebounds, but has played in 82 out of a possible 246 games because of injuries and “conditioning issues.” Let’s put it this way: there’s a huge problem when the first suggested Google search result for your name isn’t your NBA profile, but that you’re fat. I’m serious — go ahead and check.

8.  Jon Barry: Forget his father Rick, Jon couldn’t even measure up to his younger brother Brent, whose 2005 championship with the Spurs made the Barrys only the second father-son duo to win NBA titles.  Jon had an unspectacular career as an NBA journeyman, averaging 5.7 points over 14 NBA seasons with eight teams, after refusing to report to the Celtics over a contractual dispute (seriously).

9. Damien Wilkens: Though he’s shown flashes of solid play, Damien’s career has been marred by inconsistency. After registering a career-best 9.3 points per game in 2007/08, he shot only 36% from the field on his way to just 5.3 points in 41 appearances this year (maybe it was that kidnap attempt). It must get pretty uncomfortable at family dinners when your father is Gerald Wilkins, who averaged 13 points per game in 13 seasons, and your uncle is legendary Hall of Famer Dominique Wilkins.

10. Coby Karl: Although it’s very hard to imagine now, George Karl was once a 185-pound point guard on the Spurs, and put up 6.5 points and three assists per game in six pro seasons. Coby averaged just 1.8 points in 17 games with the Lakers in 2007/08 and was cut prior to the start of last season. Here’s hoping that Coby, who’s overcome two thyroid cancer surgeries, makes it back to the NBA in time for his father’s next playoff collapse.

Dishonorable Mention:

*Dajuan Wagner: Milt Wagner lasted two seasons in the NBA, averaging 4.1 points in 53 games and winning a title with the 1988 Lakers.  Dajuan’s once promising career was derailed by a serious illness and he’s appeared in just 12 games since being out with a colon.

*Matt Guokas, Jr.: Matt Jr. put up 5.8 points per game in 10 seasons, while his father averaged 1.7 points in one year in the the Basketball Association of America (later absorbed into the NBA). The Guokases were technically the first father-son duo to win (undeserved) NBA championships.

Once the offseason begins in a few months, basketball headlines will be dominated by news of NBA players being lured by big money in Europe.  While it still seems unlikely that superstars in their prime such as LeBron James or Kobe Bryant would seriously consider playing overseas, many key players such as Josh Childress, who averaged 10 points and 5 rebounds in 15 games for Olympiacos this season, have jumped over to the Euroleague.  The common perception has been that even unspectacular and over the hill NBA players would dominate the inferior competition.   Part I will take a look at how a few stars, as well as a couple of busts, have fared in Europe after playing in the NBA.  Part II will focus on European players who’ve come over to the US.

Dominique Wilkins: It was all Greek to ‘Nique when he signed with Panathinaikos in 1995 at the age of 35. He was named the Final Four MVP after putting  up 21 points and 7 rebounds per game and leading the team to its first European Championship.  Wilkins returned to the NBA in 1996 and led San Antonio in scoring, though Spurs fans likely appreciate him more for the 20-62 record that allowed them to draft Tim Duncan.  Wilkins played in Italy in 1997, and at 39, finished his career with one non-Highlight season in Orlando.

Magic Johnson: After Magic retired from the Lakers for a second time in 1996, he bought and played for Magic M7, a team from the Swedish town of Borås (high-five!). Two seasons later, the 42-year-old bought a Denmark team, the Great Danes, and always the modest one, once again renamed it after himself. Johnson suited up for two games on the Magic Great Danes, averaging 9 points, 12 rebounds, 13 assists and 9 turnovers.  It doesn’t look like anyone was going for that ball-fake though.

Scottie Pippen: When Pippen failed to land with an NBA team in 2007 after a three-year retirement, he took his game to Finland at the age of 42. He averaged 11 points and 8 rebounds in two games for ToPo, going a Starks-esque two for 16 from behind the arc, and then put up 21 points, 12 rebounds, six assists in his final game for the Sundsvall Dragons. Pippen said his motivation was to “inspire young Scandinavians.”  I’m sure it had nothing to do with trying to avoid bankrupcy.

Bob McAdoo: A three-time scoring champ in his early years, McAdoo averaged less than 12 points per game over his final six injury-plagued NBA seasons. At the age of 35, he signed with Tracer Milan and went on to average over 25 points and 8 rebounds per game, winning two league titles in six seasons.  When he retired in 1992 at the age of 41, McAdoo worked as the basketball technical adviser (whatever that means) for the classic Kevin Bacon movie, “The Air Up There” (seriously).

Trajan Langdon: The most famous Alaskan athlete of all-time (sounds like an oxymoron), Langdon was drafted by the Cavs in 1999 and averaged five points per game on 41% shooting over three seasons . He’s since played in Italy, Turkey, and Russia, where he was named Euroleague Finals MVP in 2008. Langdon was cut by the Clippers in training camp in 2004, which pretty much sums up his chances of making an NBA comeback at the age of 31.

Anthony Parker: Parker was out of the NBA by 2000 after averaging just two points per game in three seasons with the 76ers and Magic. He signed with the Israeli club Maccabi Tel Aviv, where he led the team to numerous titles, including two Euroleague championships,and won two MVPs. He returned to the NBA in 2006 after a six-year absence, and has become one of the league’s best shooters with the Raptors. However, he’ll always have to live with the shame of not being able to beat his little sister in a game of one-on-one.

Bonzi Wells: Wells put up 12 points per game in 10 NBA seasons before signing a $40-thousand contract (you read that correctly) with a team in China. The 32-year-old quickly became a Chinese Basketball Association legend, averaging over 34 points in 14 games. However, ‘Banzai’ became an unfortunate victim of the Chinese Sports Illustrated cover jinx (yes, that’s a real magazine) when he failed to return to the team after the Chinese New Year and lost his roster spot to Tim Pickett.

Dennis Rodman: Where hasn’t the Worm been? And we’re just talking about basketball here. Rodman played three games for the UK Brighton Bears in 2006, one game for Pippen’s Finland team the following year, and two exhibition games in the Philippines in 2006. Not to mention, that since appearing in 12 games with the Mavericks in 2000, he’s had brief stints with three different ABA teams and was negotiating with another club as recently as last season at age 46 (!). In a completely unrelated story, he’s broke.

Quick Hits:

*Roy Tarpley: was twice banned from the NBA for cocaine and alcohol abuse, and put up solid numbers over seven years in Greece and Cyprus. He again filed for reinstatement in 2003, but was denied reentry. In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to list Vin Baker as his sponsor.

*Reggie Theus: spent one year in Italy in between 13 years in the NBA and four with the Deering Tornadoes.

*Kenny Anderson: was released by the Clippers and then the Zalgiris Kaunas (Lithuania) in successive seasons. I’m not sure which is the bigger insult.

*Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf: played in Russia, Italy, and Greece, and is currently in the Saudi Arabian league. Apparently none of those countries’ flags are symbols of oppression and tyranny.

*Eddie Johnson:  led Olympiakos to the Greek Championship in 1994/95, before playing four more years in the NBA and debating a name change, .

*Tom Chambers: played for Maccabi Tel Aviv during the 1995/96 season before returning to the NBA for two more years, and is um, currently planning a comeback at the age of 49.

*Byron Scott:  led Panathinaikos to a Euroleague title and won the Finals MVP award in 1997 after his final season in the NBA with the Lakers.  Then again, just about anything would’ve be better than playing with Kobe Bryant again.

*Darryl Dawkins: Chocolate Thunder barely drizzled in Italy for five years after retiring from the NBA in 1989. He later attempted two unsuccessful comebacks with the Nuggets in 1994 and the Celtics in 1995.

*Rolondo Blackman: won the Italian Champion with Stefanel Milano in 1996 after a short stint in Greece. Contrary to popular belief, he and Renaldo Balkman are two different people.

Bird and Laimbeer share a laugh.

Back in the ’70s, NBA fights were routine, and players were rarely fined, much less suspended for their actions.  That all changed when Kermit Washington delivered “The Punch” to Rudy Tomjanovich’s skull, earning him a 60-day league-mandated suspension.  In the 80’s, Bill Laimbeer of the Detroit Pistons’ Baby Boys was known more his fighing than his rebounding (and he got his butt kicked on more than one occasion).  And of course, we all know about the “The Malice at the Palace,” which was the most serious and damaging brawl in NBA history.  But what about the most memorable minor scuffles and slap-fests of the last 20 years?  Let’s take a look.

1.  Alonzo Mourning vs. Larry Johnson (with Jeff Van Gundy) - 4/30/98:

In the final seconds of Game 4 of the 1st Round playoffs (2:35 mark in the video), Larry Johnson shoved his former Hornets teammate, and Zo retaliated by attempting to throw a punch. The two swung and missed more times than Ryan Howard, but neither was able to connect. The best part is that Knicks coach Jeff Van Gundy dived to the ground and grabbed Mourning’s leg while being dragged along the court. This will never be topped. The fight came on the heels of a 1997 brawl, when P.J. Brown flipped Charlie Ward over his head and body-slammed him, resulting in a bench-clearing melee and multiple suspensions for both teams.

2. Chris Mills vs. Bonzi Wells - 12/20/02:

Oh, if only we had video. Mills and Wells were ejected after getting into a shoving match on the court as the game ended, but it didn’t stop there. After Mills couldn’t break into the Blazers’ locker room to confront his enemy, he and and his cousin parked their car in front of Portland’s team bus as it was pulling away from the stadium. He challenged Wells to come out, and then followed the bus all the way out to the airport before driving away. Mills has denied that he was carrying a gun, but would that really surprise anyone? He was suspended three games and Wells was suspended for two.

3. Shaquille O’Neal vs. Brad Miller (with Charles Oakley) - 1/12/02:

Shaq didn’t appreciate a few hard fouls by the Bulls, and took his frustrations out on an unsuspecting Brad Miller. After a flagrant foul courtesy of Charles Oakley, the Diesel reacted by throwing a haymaker at the back of Miller’s head. Luckily, he didn’t connect, or the the Kings wouldn’t have their starting center today. A brawl spilled into the stands, resulting in multiple suspensions; Shaq was suspended for three games, Oak and Miller received one game each.

4. Carmelo Anthony vs. Nate Robinson/Mardy Collins - 12/16/06:

Isiah warned you not to go into the lane! Marty Collins fouled J.R. Smith towards the end of the game, and the two exchanged shoves and had to be separated. And then for some reason, Nate Robinson came into the picture and tackled Smith into the stands. Just when it looked to be over, Melo decided to throw a sucker-punch at Collins, and then back-pedaled away from an irate Robinson. Don’t worry Melo, we all see the Bitch in Yoo for that one. The suspensions were lengthy (games): Anthony (15), Robinson (10), Collins (6), Jared Jeffries (4), plus one game for Jerome James and Nene for leaving the bench area.

5.  Kevin Johnson vs. Doc Rivers (with Greg Anthony) - 3/24/93:

Kevin Johnson body-blocked Doc Rivers to the floor with a stiff forearm, and Rivers charged after him. That precipitated a bench-clearing brawl, that escalated to new heights when Greg Anthony, wearing street clothes, ran in to throw a cheap shot at Johnson just when the fight was being diffused. Anthony was suspended for five games; Johnson and Rivers for two games apiece. Remember that this was 1993 — just imagine what kind of penalties they’d receive today…

6. Kenyon Martin vs. Corey Maggette - 1/6/04:

After Martin committed a hard foul on Maggette, Corey sprung back up and shoved K-Mart to the floor. So, what does Martin do to retaliate? He doesn’t run away like some punk (*cough* Melo *cough*), but jumps back up and gives Maggette a deadly right and left combination before being restrained by his teammates. Maggette, meanwhile, gets held back by Richard Jefferson and takes his beating. Both players were suspended for two games.

7. Kobe Bryant vs. Chris Childs - 4/3/00:

I could’ve put Kobe vs. Ray Allen or Reggie Miller instead but they’re really all the same. Some shoving from both sides and much more talk than action. This one is probably my favorite, just because Childs retaliated to Kobe’s weak elbow with some kind of forearm/punch to the throat (see here) that Kobe seemed to just take. A few more punches were thrown, but of course none of them landed. It’s just a typical NBA scuffle, highlighted only by the star name involved.

8. Marcus Camby vs. Danny Ferry (with Jeff Van Gundy) - 1/15/01:

After getting poked in the eye by Danny Ferry, Marcus Camby took a running start and and threw a windmill punch, despite being held back by several teammates. He ended up missing, because his coach, Jeff Van Gundy (who else), jumped between the two players to break it up. The man is like a bodyguard taking a bullet for the president. Camby was suspended for five games, Ferry for one (not really sure why), and Van Gundy ended up receiving 15…stitches.

9. Karl Malone vs. Dennis Rodman (with Hulk Hogan) - 7/12/98:

Rodman and Malone had so many memorable battles in the Bulls/Jazz Finals on 1997 and 1998, that they decided to settle it once and for all in the wrestling ring. Despite being staged and fake, it remains one of the better fights among NBA players. Here’s a clip from Bash at the Beach 1998 — um, enjoy?

10. Shareef Abdur-Rahim vs. Kenny Thomas - 1/19/02:

Punches slaps were thrown, and both players were ejected and received one-game suspensions. Only mentioned because they’d go on to be teammates in Sacramento and would fight for the starting forward job. Just imagine the locker room tension.

Honorable Mention:

*Latrell Sprewell vs. P.J. Carlesimo - 12/4/97: Spree chocked his coach and earned a 68-game suspension. It didn’t happen on the court, and it’s too bad that we’ll never know how it really went down. Also see: Sprewell vs. yacht wall.

*Matt Bonner vs. Kevin Garnett - 12/15/04:  Yeah, that doesn’t seem like a fair fight. But who knew the Red Rocket had it in him?

*Candace Parker vs. Plenette Pierson (WNBA) - 7/23/08:  I’d rather not talk about this…