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It’s common knowledge that Robert Horry-Will Smith is up there with Stan Van Gundy-Ron Jeremy and Omar Epps-Mike Tomlin as the most uncanny athlete-celebrity resemblance of all-time.   But as it also turns out, Smith and Horry are hardly the only NBA player and famous rapper lookalikes.  Let’s take a look at a few notable examples from recent history.

Kenyon Martin

Method Man

I’ve also always thought that Marcus Camby looked like Method Man, even though he looks nothing like Kenyon Martin. I have no idea how that makes sense.

Ricky Davis

Andre 3000

Hey ya…look just like each other!

Corey Maggette

Xzibit

Pretty sure Mr. X to the Z’s crew represents the West Coast a little better than Maggette’s team…

Josh Smith

The Game

The bigger question is, who’s more overrated?

Devean George

Ice Cube

Fittingly, Ice Cube is as much a rapper nowadays as Devean George is an NBA player…

(more…)

Hello. And welcome to Y’all Don’t Know. I’m your host, Anthony Mason.

Y’all Don’t Know is an ongoing exploration into all that is sinister, weird, creepy-crawly and loosey-goosey around us.

Did you know that there are mysterious, unexplainable energies whirling all around us as we speak? NO! ‘Cause Y’all Don’t Know!

Today on Y’all Don’t Know, we’re gonna talk about the Moon landing! (more…)

I'm not sure Brent Price got the memo here... (Image courtesy of SactownRoyalty.com)

While Hedo Turkoglu shouldn’t quit his day job to start a rap career, he certainly wouldn’t be the first former Sacramento King to venture into a new area of business.  In fact, Eze of A Royal Pain and I have once again joined forces to uncover what some of the teams’ best players have been up to in their post-Kings days.  Let’s take a look.

Jason Williams:  Williams couldn’t stay retired for long, and soon became a respected professor of Chinese Studies at a local university. “I went from confused to Confucius, homes!” he shouted when reached by phone. Word has it that J-Will refuses to allow his students to call him by his last name, and instead prefers to be called, “Professor White Boy.”

Read the knuckles to find out Professor Williams' name of choice.

Mike Bibby:  Bibby finally combined his two loves, basketball and manicures, to release “Bibbalicious Nail Clippers,” a grooming set designed to be used during games.  ”There were times when Rick [Adelman] would sub me back in, but I had to tell him, ‘Nah, man, not ’til I finish the acrylic tips.  I didn’t want someone to have to go through that again.”

Vlade Divac:  Vlade had a difficult time after leaving Sacramento, and his smoking habit was out of control.  ”I was smoking five packs a day, and needed help,” he confesses in his latest commercial for “Vlade’s Patch,” Nicoderm’s biggest rival.  He adds, “this is the only nicotine patch you can trust, because you know it won’t flop,” with a wink to the camera.

Vlade's Patch won't ever flop...

Scot Pollard:  Pollard opened a barbershop that specialized in Color Me Badd hairstyles and goatees, but was forced to shut down operations when Kevin Love was his best and only customer.  He then began moonlighting as a D.A.S.E. (Drug Abuse Submission Education) officer, encouraging kids to do drugs.

Brad Miller: Although he doesn’t remember how he came up with the idea, Brad’s line of snack products, “Miller’s Munchies,” has become one of the best sellers on the market. “It’s because it’s high on flavor,” he claims, before giggling uncontrollably. “Just don’t tell them who my best customer is, or he’ll end up confistacting this tape.”

Miller's Munchies are high on flavor...

Chris Webber: Still fuming after a rehabilitation center used his name without permission — “Webber’s Wehab: Knee Braces & More” — C-Webb declined to take time out for an interview.

Doug Christie: After the Christies left Sacramento, Doug’s wife was no longer able to keep tabs on her husband’s every move.  Out came, “Doug Jackie Christie’s Dog Leashes,” designed to “keep your man in check when he’s actin’ wild…like talking to some hoochie.”

This is an actual promo shot from their reality show, "Committed." I kid you not.

Bonzi Wells:  Wells took his contract negotiating skills to the financial world.  He turned down a multi-year offer from Goldman Sachs to become a Lehman Brothers intern.  When that failed to work out, he opened his own Goodwill store and is waiting for your donation.

Lawrence Funderburke:  Funderburke opened “Fundy’s Bench & Chair Shop,” the only local retailer specializing in making custom benches.  ”It’s what I know best from my time with the Kings.  I’m actually recruiting Mateen [Cleaves] to come cheer for us.  No one waves a towel like that dude.”

I'm too sexy for my shirt...

We Also Hear:

*Ronnie Price: Capitalizing on his own 15 minutes of fame, Price is now working as a celebrity acting coach for reality stars.

*Cuttino Mobley:  Mobley, along with co-founder Steve Francis, opened a highly profitable male strip club, “Anal Gleen’s.” Peja Stojakovic is their top dancer.

When a new basketball vidya game hits the shelves, Lowposts’ resident vidya game experts Jason Williams & Olivia Munn give us the 411-hella-scoop!

This week:  EA Sports’ Ballinest-Ass Ballerz 4 Realz for the XBox 360..

Williams: What up people, White Chocolate in the house!

Munn: And…Olivia Munn in the house?

Williams: Word! (more…)

Today’s 2009 NBA-NCAA Challenge Finally Four, Brought to you by Pepperidge Farm matchup between the #1 Florida Gators and the #4 UCONN Huskies is coming to you from beautiful Venus, which is where women are from. (more…)

NBA Lessons will bring famous basketball celebrities, past and present, into your home to teach you important life lessons that simply can’t be learned in the streets.

Today’s lesson will be taught by former Chicago Bulls #2 draft pick Jay Williams.. (more…)

Quick, who’s the biggest draft bust in NBA history? LaRue Martin, Chris Washburn, and Dennis Hopson might merit some consideration, but I’m guessing you thought of Sam Bowie. Selected second overall by the Portland Trail Blazers in 1984 — ahead of Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, and John Stockton –he had a mediocre and injury-plagued career that serves as a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of drafting for need over potential. While many consider him to be the biggest bust in NBA history, Bowie actually had a serviceable career, especially in his later years with the Nets. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for many of the other players on this list. Here are the biggest draft blunders of the Kevin McHale era.

1. Michael Olowokandi (No. 1 by the Los Angeles Clippers, 1998): Do you think Paul Pierce, Dirk Nowitzki, Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, Rashard Lewis, or Mike Bibby might’ve been the better pick? How about Al Harrington, Jason Williams, or even Nazr Mohammed? You get the point. Olowokandi averaged 8 points and 7 rebounds over his nine-year career, and shot a putrid 43% from the field and under 60% from the foul line. The Clippers traded him to Minnesota after five seasons, and he’d finish his NBA career as a lowly reserve in Boston, playing behind the likes of Brian Scalabrine and Kevinn “Not A Typo” Pinkney. At least those guys picked after him didn’t amount to anything worthwhile.

2. Kwame Brown (No. 1 by the Washington Wizards, 2001): Already a member of the worst trades club, Kwame barely escapes top bust honors. After being selected first overall by then-GM Michael Jordan, Brown had a hard time handling pressure from the media, and especially from Jordan himself. He holds career averages of 7 points and 6 rebounds per game, including one double-figure scoring season in 2003. Although he’s still just 26 years years old, no one is foolish enough to trade Caron Butler or Pau Gasol for him again (okay, who am I kidding — this is still the NBA). Oh, and in addition to the birthday cake incident I mentioned before, Kwame once skipped a playoff practice because his tummy hurt — only to be spotted at a local Chinese restaurant the same night.

3.  Darko Milicic (No 2. by the Detroit Pistons, 2003):  As much as he wants to deny it, Joe Dumars regrets this pick every day.  Sure, the Pistons won a title that season, but would they have been worse off with Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, David West, or Zarko Cabarkapa coming off the bench?  Darko appeared in just 96 games with the Pistons, averaging less than 2 points and barely a rebound, before being traded to Orlando for a mid-range first round pick.  It’s only a matter of time before Hamed Haddadi becomes his, um, daddy in Memphis. Shouldn’t he at least be dating a hot European model or something?

4. Nikoloz Tskitishvili (No. 5 by the Denver Nuggets, 2002): This pick actually makes the Milicic selection look even worse, since it’s hard to imagine a GM gambling on a European big man after watching Tskitishvili. Taken ahead of Amare Stoudemire, Caron Butler, and Carlos Boozer, he played only four seasons in the NBA, averaging less than 3 points and 2 rebounds per game. But at least it’s fun to say Skita, Skita, Skita! No, wait, that’s not that fun either…never mind.  DaJuan Wagner (No. 6 by the Cleveland Cavaliers) also deserves to be mentioned here, but at least he had a decent rookie season (13 ppg)…and um, he no longer has a colon.

5. Rafael Araujo (No. 8 by the Toronto Raptors, 2004): Saying the Raptors blew this pick is an understatement. Here are just a few players taken after “Hoffa:” Andre Iguodala, Al Jefferson, Josh Smith, Andris Biedrins, Kevin Martin, Beno Udrih, and Anderson Varejao. I love how his Wikipedia entry says that he “left the NBA” to play in Russia. Right…he left the NBA of his own volition; it had nothing to do with the 2.8 points and 2.8 rebounds he averaged over three seasons.  Araujo attended Minnesota’s training camp this summer, but couldn’t beat out Jason Collins or Calvin Booth for a roster spot on one of the worst teams in the league.

6.  Rodney White (No. 9 by the Detroit Pistons, 2001): Take a look at the 2001 NBA Draft, and scan the players taken after White. I’ll give you a minute. Let’s see, there’s Joe Johnson, Richard Jefferson, Zach Randolph, Gerald Wallace, Tony Parker, Gilbert Arenas, Troy Murphy, Samuel Dalembert, Kedrick Brown…okay, maybe not Kedrick.  White played one season with the Pistons, before being traded to the Nuggets for Menk Bateer, Don Reid and a future first round pick. Yep, I think that just about says it all. He’s been out of the league since 2005, finishing his 218-game career with career averages of 7 points and 2 rebounds.

7. Jonathan Bender (No. 5 by the Toronto Raptors [traded to Indiana Pacers], 1999): Bender gets a slight pass here because it’s hard to be mad at the guy now. After retiring at the age of 25 due to a debilitating knee condition, he established the Jonathan Bender Foundation, a nonprofit initiative that builds and restores homes in poor New Orleans neighborhoods and offers free classes and basketball clinics.  Nonetheless, Bender averaged just 6 points and 2 rebounds over his nondescript career, appearing in 31 games over his final three seasons.  He was selected ahead of Shawn Marion, Corey Maggette, Wally Szcerbiak, Andre Miller, and Richard Hamilton, and even the man he was traded for, Antonio Davis, somehow became an All-Star.

8. Ed O’Bannon, Nets (No. 9 by the New Jersey Nets, 1995): Ed lasted only two seasons in the NBA after a spectacular career at UCLA, averaging a quiet 5 points for the Nets and Mavericks.  His only saving grace is that, aside from Michael Finley, only a few prominent players were selected after him (Kurt Thomas, Corliss Williamson, Brent Barry).  Oh, and he’s now a car salesman in Nevada — and proud of it!.  I also could’ve gone with Shawn Respert (No. 8 by the Milwaukee Bucks) in this spot, but he later revealed that he battled — and courageously beat — cancer during his disappointing four-year pro career.

9. Marcus Fizer (No. 4 by the Chicago Bulls, 2000):  Let’s make one thing clear:  2000 was a historically bad draft class.  Of the lottery picks, only Kenyon Martin, Mike Miller, and Jamal Crawford have had solid NBA careers.   But Stromile Swift, DeMarr Johnson, Chris Mihm, and Jerome Moiso?  Any of these guys can claim a spot on this list, so, why did I choose Marcus Fizer?  Because he’s the only one who’s been an NBA Development League MVP. Ha, take that, critics!  Oh, and in addition to Miller and Crawford, Michael Redd (taken at #43!), Hedo Turkoglu, and Joel Pryzbilla were also drafted after him.

10.  Shelden Williams (No. 5 by the Atlanta Hawks, 2005):  I don’t want to diss Mr. Candace Parker yet again, so I’ll keep this brief.  Brandon Roy, Randy Foye, and Rudy Gay were taken after him in succession.  His numbers have decreased in each of his first three seasons, and he can’t get off the Kings’ bench during a rebuilding year.  Oh, and he’s ugly as all hell (sorry, I couldn’t help myself).

Dishonorable Mention:

Fran Vasquez (No. 11 by the Orlando Magic, 2005)
Trajan Langdon (No. 11 by the Cleveland Cavaliers, 1999)
Todd Fuller (No. 11 by the Golden State Warriors, 1996)
Luke Jackson (No. 10 by the Cleveland Cavaliers, 2004)
Tony Battie (No. 5 by the Denver Nuggets, 1997)
Frederic Weis (No. 15 by the New York Knicks, 1999)
Saer Sene (No. 10 by the Seattle SuperSonics, 2006)

The NBA is obviously a hotbed of crazy tattoos.  But while some are creative works of art, others are as generic and unoriginal as they come.  The majority of NBA tats can be grouped into several categories, ranging from standard nicknames to the increasingly-popular use of Chinese characters.  Let’s take a look at each of these and decide which player pulls it off better than the others.  You know, kinda like that US Weekly feature, Who Wore it Best?  Um, wait, forget I said that…

Cartoon Network

Greg Ostertag

Brad Miller

Tim Duncan

Thanks for playing, Brad and Greg (and Damon “Mighty Mouse” Stoudamire), but Timmy is the clear winner here. A serious Dungeons & Dragons fanatic, Duncan has a tattoo of Merlin the Magician (his “alter-ego”) on his back, and another one of Skeleton Jester on his chest. According to the San Antonio Express-News, he actually wanted the back of his NBA jersey to read, “Merlin,” but was denied by the league.  The NBA — where amazing nerdiness happens!

Esoteric Chinese Characters

Shawn Marion

Marquis Daniels

Marcus Camby

We’ll need to consult the fantastic website hanzismatter.com for help with this one. Marion’s tat is supposed to read, “Matrix,” but the literal Chinese translation is “Demon Bird Moth Balls.” Similarly, Daniels’ tattoo is supposed to be of his initials (MAD), but turns out to mean “Healthy Woman Roof.” Camby somehow managed to get his message across correctly (his tattoos mean “strive to be the best” and “clan”), but he makes the cut over a few others for choosing Chinese characters because he “was into a lot of [kung fu] movies.”  His former Nuggets teammate, Kenyon Martin, has a tattoo that’s he thinks means “never satisfied,” but actually reads something a tad less noble: ”to worry about personal gains and losses.”  Daniels gets the prize here — only because he’ll make another appearance right about now…

Fun With Guns

Stephen Jackson

Marquis Daniels

Cherokee Parks

Once again, Daniels wins easily — his tattoo features a guy blowing his head off with a shotgun, while pulling the trigger with his toe. Um…yeah, not much to add here.  Jackson added a tattoo of a pair of praying hands holding a gun on his stomach — in hopes of never using a weapon again — and Parks has an inexplicable (but somehow fitting) gun-toting naked woman on his leg.

My Neck, My Back…

Jameer Nelson

DeShawn Stevenson

LeBron James

Back: It’s a close call, because Jameer Nelson’s 2Pac shout-out scores major points here. But I’m giving it to the originator, LeBron, whose hairy back needed to be waxed four times before that modest message could be applied.

Allen Iverson

Matt Barnes

Kenyon Martin

Neck:  If we’ve learned anything here, it’s that anyone who gets a neck tattoo is not messing around.  I’m going to declare this an unprecedented three-way tie.  Iverson has A LOT of tattoos, and all of them have special meanings, but Matt Barnes is giving AI a run for his money with his staggering collection of bodily art.  Not to be outdone, the pair of lips on Kenyon Martin’s neck are apparently dedicated to his girlfriend (not sure which one).  Dishonorable mention goes to Amare Stoudemire’s choice of lame nickname, which he tattooed in script, and Delonte West, who really creeps me out for some reason.

What’s My Name?

Richard Jefferson

Jason Williams

Mike Bibby

Another tough one. As much as I like the fact that Bibby (who really likes being tattooed) has not one, but two separate tats with his name (plus a couple of others that we’ll discuss shortly), I have to give this one to “White Chocolate.”  You can’t go wrong with a guy who spells out “white boy” across his knuckles.  Props to Jefferson for busting out his etch-a-sketch to make a design, and I’m obligated to mention Lonny Baxter’s shoulder initials, just so he won’t kill me…let’s move on.

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful Cover-Up

Chauncey Billups

Mike Bibby

Mike Bibby

A second pair of tats from Bibby — he may not play in Sacramento anymore, but he’s still a King…of Bad Tattoos.  Look closely on the first one, and you’ll notice that yet another “Bibby” is covered up by the cross; the second one has “Tone R.I.P” within the net in memory of a friend, which is admirable, but doesn’t really make much sense.  Nonetheless, he loses out to Billups here.  Chauncey claims the “King of the Hill” tattoo is a reference to his old neighborhood, Park Hill.  Yet, it bears a striking resemblance to the logo of the team that drafted him back in 1997 — the Boston Celtics.  Hmm…is he actually fooling anyone?

Mr. Rodman, you have company…

Robert Swift: 2005

Robert Swift: 2006

Robert Swift: 2007

Honestly, I have no words…