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And now, the 2009 return of The Absolute Zero Award, brought to you by various colas, in which I try to get all statistically analytical. Going by Efficiency Rating, which is really the only stat that matters (It says Lebron is #1! It must be true!), we try to figure out who the worst basketball players are in the league that actually still get playing time. I’ve added a new wrinkle this year, where they have to play in nearly every game. I take the team who’s played the least games this season (18, as of today) and only select players who have played that many games or more.

Just to put it all in perspective, Lebron’s got a rating of 30.0. That’s good. Tony Allen’s got a rating of -2.0 (through one game). That’s not good. Somewhere in the middle is Anthony Parker with a rating of 8.6, which is average-ish. The five men listed below are below average. The closer to zero, the better (or worse).

So. Who’s the worst in the league? Who’s the Absolute Zero? To the abacus!

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Everybody loves the tasty flavors of Caffeine-Free Sprite! (more…)

Legendary soul-singer Nappy Brown is not only a basketball aficionado; he’s a bit of a football buff as well. Every week Nappy will make his NFL predictions..

Week Four

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At the suggestion of the fine gentlemen over at freedarko.com (fine in the gentlemanly sense, not in the “Goddayamn, look’t dat sweet ass!” sense), I have decided to revise the requirements for The Absolute Zero Award (Brought to you by Crystal Pepsi). Ten games simply isn’t enough of a sample size in order to properly analyze who is the worst player in the NBA. A ten-day contract here or there can get you some pretty crappy players. But we here at lowposts.com are looking for a different kind of crappy. A special kind of crappy.

Every day crappy. The kind of crappy that steps on that hardwood floor for a couple minutes every other day, just stands there and says “Man, I’m crappy.” And then gets dunked on by a 48-year-old Vince Carter. Now that’s crappy. (more…)

In the third installment of The Absolute Zero Award (Sponsored by Crystal Pepsi) - Lowposts’ epic quest to find the worst player in the NBA - we are going to study the psychology of a crappy player. What makes them crappy? Their own lack of talent? The coach’s system? Society?

Actually, it’s probably mostly just the first one.

Most of the time, the player is young and hasn’t quite arrived. Frankly, they very well may never arrive. Other times, there are too many players at the same position playing in front of them. And sometimes, they were signed simply because the team needed a white guy so they don’t look like a bunch of dirty filthy racists. (more…)

It’s time, once again, for me to don my statistical analysis cap (which looks unsettlingly like a Klan hood; really should get a new cap..) and delve into the magical world of numbers.

A month ago, I introduced The Absolute Zero Award (Sponsored by Sprite). Through a complicatingly-stupid explanation of the concept of mathematical limit and with the help of NBA.com’s Efficiency Rating, I attempted to determine the worst player in the NBA. (Closest player to a 0 rating in Efficiency, playing in at least ten games. 30 is great. 0 is very not great.) That player turned out to be New Jersey’s Maurice Ager. (more…)

Efficiency Rating is a basketball statistic that combines nearly every other statistic into a tasty stat pie, chock full of statty goodness. (Which tastes so much better than staphy goodness. Or Steffi Graffness for that matter..)

It’s essentially an all-encompassing statistic that tells us Lebron James and Chris Paul are better at basketball than we are; and it gives John Hollinger a steady paycheck. (more…)