The Lebron James Future Team Cavalcade CarouselⓇ is an ongoing project, exploring the potential destinations of a man who insists you capitalize the ‘b’ - Lebron James. All thirty teams (and perhaps some European squads) will be analyzed and awarded an arbitrary percentage on their odds of being Lebronorized. Past teams can be accessed here.
Today: The Utah Jazz.. (more…)
There’s a thin line between being a tough, aggressive defender and playing dirty. Oftentimes, an accused player’s teammates and fans will defend his actions, while opposing coaches decry them as inexcusable and thuggish. Although today’s NBA is considerably less dirty as a result of crackdowns on overly physical play (and shady referees), there are still a quite a few players who love to sneak in a timely push or jab to the stomach. Here are some of the worst offenders in recent NBA history.
1. Bruce Bowen: Spurs fans will insist that Bowen is only playing rough, hard-nosed defense and isn’t intentionally trying to injure other players. Why don’t we just let the video evidence of Mr. Bowen’s ‘tricks’ speak for itself. Stick your foot underneath a descending jump shooter? Check. Knee a player in the groin? Check. Kick the defender in the face? Check and check. But of course, much like his other Spurs teammates, Bowen insists he’s never committed a foul in his life.
2. Karl Malone: The All-Defensive Team selections aren’t fooling anyone — Malone was a legendary cheap short artist. In fact, his elbow has as many career highlights as the Mailman himself, including ending a player’s college career by destroying his face, causing Isiah Thomas to get 40 stitches on his forehead, knocking David Robinson unconscious for two minutes, breaking Joe Kleine’s nose, and being Steve Nash’s dentist. And then there are those “accidental” kicks to the man region…
3. Bill Laimbeer: The “Bad Boy” Pistons of the late ’80’s were collectively known for their aggressive style of defense, and Laimbeer was the enforcer, angering his opponents with constants pokes, slaps, and shoves in the back. After a vicious take down of Larry Bird in the playoffs, Robert Parish retaliated by punching Laimbeer in the face…and wasn’t even ejected! In an unforeseen turn of events, Laimbeer’s Detroit Shock team instigated the first brawl in WNBA histroy last season.
4. John Stockton: Malone’s partner in crime, the NBA’s all-time leader in assists and steals also set the most illegal screens in NBA history, routintely getting away with all kinds of low blows when the referees weren’t looking. Stockton was known for excessive holding, delivering hard elbows to the ribs, and pulling a defender down after a shot. Thankfully, his patented short shorts left no room for Stockton to hide a shiv.
5. Dennis Rodman: Remembered more for his craziest antics, Rodman had more subtle tactics to get into players’ heads. He’d pull on shorts, sneak in grabs and pushes, and extend his foot to trip a player running down the court. Rodman was once named the NBA’s dirtiest player in a poll of NBA players, coaches and execs, leading the commissioner to order The Worm to change his physical playing style. Too bad Stern never asked him to stop shopping at Victoria’s Secret.
6. Kobe Bryant: While Laker fans continue to insist it’s the defenders who keep attacking Kobe’s elbow with their faces, the whack to Ron Artest’s throat in the playoffs was hardly new territory. Over the last few years, Kobe’s been suspended for similarly elbowing Mike Miller and striking Manu Ginobili and Marco Jaric on his “extended follow through,” and earned a flagrant one for hitting Kyle Korver in the jaw. Apparently, the Black Mamba has a preference for white meat.
7. Rick Mahorn: When Mahorn and teammate Jeff Ruland, collectively known as McFilthy and McNasty, were on the Washington Bullets, players driving down the lane would finish layups on their backs. Mahorn later perfected a dirty defensive maneuver where he’d wait for a player to post him up, and then step away while tugging on the player’s jersey to make him fall down on the court. And of course, he showed Lisa Leslie how to fight Detroit-style last summer.
8. Charles Oakley: Michael Jordan’s personal bodyguard in Chicago, the Oak-man later enforced the Knicks’ “no easy layups” mentality with means picks, sharp elbows, and occasional punches. A rough physical presence, he always fouled hard, and wasn’t afraid to slap the likes of Jeff McInnis, Tyrone Hill, and even Shaquille O’Neal. Oakley was so ruthless that he’ll undoubtedly throw those ‘bows at the retirement home.
9. Reggie Evans: For all we know, it was an isolated incident (unless you count spanking Kyle Korver on the butt), but if there’s one rule on the basketball court, it’s never grab another guy’s testicles. Unfortunately, Evans did just that to gain a positional advantage during the 2006 playoffs, violating an unsuspecting Chris Kaman by putting his hand up his shorts and “pulling hard.” We still haven’t received word on whether it was the beans or the frank.
10. Robert Horry: Intentional or not, the biggest shot of Horry’s storied career came in the closing moments of Game 4 of the 2007 Western Conference Finals, when Horry mistook Steve Nash for Martin St. Louis and body-checked him into the scorers’ table, leading to suspensions for two Suns starters. The sequel came in 2008, when “Cheap Shot Bob” forced David West out of the game by blindsiding him in the back on a moving pick.
Quick (But Painful) Hits:
*Dikembe Mutombo: More clumsy than dirty, Deke’s teammates made him wear elbow pads in practice for their own protection.
*Isiah Thomas: Zeke didn’t just do the Knicks dirty — he subtly stepped on players’ feet when they dribbled the ball.
*Kenyon Martin: Notorious for vicious flagrants earlier in his career, K-Mart also has quite the dirty mouth!
*Charles Barkley: Never known for being much of a defender, Barkely used his elbows to his advantage on the court, and especially at the buffet line.
*Xavier McDaniel: Players knew not to mess with the X-Man — Al Bundy found out the hard way.
*Danny Fortson: the poor man’s Bill Laimbeer (not a compliment), Fortson did little on the court besides push, shove, and elbow — while sporting some mean pigtails.
*James Posey: Not afraid to deliver a blindsider and shoulder-block players when they’re least suspecting it.
*Raja Bell: Here at lowposts, we’ve got nothing but love for you, Raja.
*Peja Stojakovic: Whoops, we’re not talking about that kind of dirty…
It’s been a while since we emotionally & physically destroyed a round Irishman..
In case you forgot: Bob Ryan is a pompous windbag.
To the zingers!..
Game-Changing Developments
Snappy title. Was “Basketball Game I Watched While Fumbling Through Cushions For Last Frito” already taken?
You’re an NBA rookie named Doc Rivers,
No I’m not. I’m a jerk who works for an insurance company (and makes fun of past-their-prime ovals) named Ethan Booker.
and someone tells you the day will come when you will be a coach in this league and the opposing team in a playoff series will have a starting front line as follows:
It will be 6-11, 6-10, 6-10.
Who is this magical shaman who uses his mystical powers to infer the size of my formidable opponent! He’s a witch! Off with his head!
The 6-10 forwards will each be certified 3-point shooters.
It’s true. Stan Van gave them gold stars and everything.
Two of them will never have gone to college and the third will be a native of Turkey.
Oh yeah, and your lymphnodes will be the size of guava fruit and it’ll sound like you’re having a hernia every time you talk.
And your 1983 response would have been?
“Isn’t Turkey currently under a State of Emergency? How did he get out? I READ THE PAPER!”
“Not possible,” Rivers says. “I wouldn’t have thought that possible.
Whoa, holy shit. Bob actually went back in time to ask him? Maybe he still is a good journalist. Going to all that effort to create time travel and all..
If a guy like that took a three back in those days, he’d probably be suspended. I know he wouldn’t be playing.”
They’d probably just take him out behind the arena and shoot him.
“You’re tall! You don’t shoot threes! Stop it!”
Unfortunately for Doc, Orlando Magic counterpart Stan Van Gundy is not likely to be benching Rashard Lewis and Hedo Turkoglu before this series is over.
I don’t know. He’s getting that glint in his eye. I wouldn’t put it past him.
“My star player’s gonna push me out this summer. Fuck it! Battie, you’re running the point!”
They’re his guys, and firing up threes is a very big part of their games.
That and complaining about foul calls. That’s the other part.
As for Dwight Howard, he’s no 3-point shooter.
Or is he?..
Dum dum dummmm….
He’s just a modern version of an old-fashioned, butt-kicking, low-post center.
I can’t believe he never gets T’d up for kicking all those butts. Glen Davis’ ass is redder than a Cherokee in August. Not that I’ve been filming him change from across the alley..
If he’s shooting a three (0 for 2 this season, 1 for 12 lifetime), it means he has somehow been stuck with the ball in a very bad place with the shot clock running down.
Help me! I’m lost and I’m behind the three point line!
/shoots flare gun
The 23-year-old Howard and the 29-year-old Lewis were each drafted out of high school. The 30-year-old Turkoglu is a Turk.
You know what rhymes with Turk? Jerk! ‘Nuff said.
Easily my least-favorite Turk since this guy: 
Neither of these phenomena would have been imaginable to the 1983 Doc Rivers, either.
It’s been recorded as fact that Doc Rivers didn’t develop an imagination until watching an episode of Murphy Brown in early 1991. After hearing another of Charles Kimbrough’s classic sass-backs, Doc was heard to exclaim, “Eureka!”
The Magic starting front line represents a microcosm of the 21st-century NBA.
Overrated & on steroids?
Actually that sounds about right..
The 3-point shot’s evolution is a fascinating story.
It didn’t exist. And then it existed.
FASCINATION!
In Doc’s rookie year of 1983-84, his Atlanta Hawks made 23 three-pointers all season.
Their team slogan that year was: Not Much Huckin’.
This season, Lewis made 226 and Turkoglu made 134.
That 226 (actually 220, Bob’s eyes are still recovering from the face explosion) looks good until you see the 554 he hoisted. DWIGHT HOWARD NEEDS HIS TOUCHES!
That Atlanta ‘83-84 total is a shocking revelation to a contemporary NBA fan,
I am shocked, and a little gassy.
but it was not out of line.
I am not as shocked!
That wasn’t even the lowest total in the league.
I am utterly unshocked!
The Bulls made only 20 threes.
Zounds! Statistics!
Other amazing totals: San Diego 24, Portland 25, Seattle 27, Philadelphia 29. The league leader, and by a wide margin, was Utah, with 101, the reason being Darrell Griffith, who had 91 of them.
Three-Hog.
(If you had been awarded extra points for shot arc, Griffith might have led the league in scoring.)
What other arbitrary aspects of peoples’ games can we come up with?
If you had been awarded extra assist totals for crotch-bunchage, John Stockton would still be the all-time leader.
If you had been awarded a better shooting percentage for having a poor shooting percentage, people with very poor shooting percentages would have better shooting percentages.
If you had been awarded cake for eating lots of cake, Bob Ryan’s belly would have exploded long before his face did.
Power forwards knew their place, and it wasn’t out by the arc.
It was in the kitchen, making me dinner!
“Stop boxing me out and pass the carrots, woman!”
“Fours [power forwards] and 5’s [centers] were all bangers,” notes Rivers.
They were all British sausage? Oh my God..
“British sausage is people! Very large people!!!”
“We had Dan Roundfield at 4 and Tree Rollins at 5. Roundfield didn’t go very far from the basket [he was 0 for 11 on threes], and we didn’t throw Tree the ball at all.
Yeah, fuck you Tree!
“The skill level has changed, especially at the 4 spot. Now you run pick-and-rolls with 4’s and 5’s. And it’s not usually a pick-and-roll; it’s a pick-and-pop.
“Sounds like my herpes sore removal process!” - Delonte West
That’s all you hear: pick-and-pop. That’s essentially what Baby [Glen Davis] did to get that big shot in Game 4. It was a pick-and-pop.”
Danny Ainge feels all that business may have started right here with Larry Bird.
And then his heart exploded.
“Larry was a small forward, but he played a lot of power forward,” Ainge points out. “Larry wasn’t a guy who grew up shooting the three. He was just a great shooter, period. But guys now grow up shooting the three. It has become an integral part of the game. It’s a priority of many offenses.”
We call them “Shitty Offenses.”
We now have a totally different basketball world, one in which Cleveland has a 7-3 Lithuanian center (Zydrunas Ilgauskas) who’d rather launch an 18-footer than plant his large carcass down in the paint
Fuckin’ Lithuanians! They’re worse than the Turks!
and in which Dallas has a 7-foot German
(ahem) Nazi! (ahem)
(Dirk Nowitzki) whose 3-point shooting is a devastating weapon.
And notice, please, the nationalities.
Notice, please, that they’re all filthy Europeans.
“I couldn’t have envisioned that when I was a rookie, either,” says Rivers. “I guess I kind of knew some Europeans were legit,
Some were even too legit. And some would, in fact, not quit.
and you knew some would wind up playing in our league, but you couldn’t imagine it becoming as worldwide as it is.”
“When I was in college [BYU], we played the Russian national team, and they had some good players,” says Ainge.
If ya like dirty red Commies!
“I had respect for the good European players. But now it is completely global, with the best players from France, Germany, Canada, and China all playing here.
Doesn’t get anymore globaler than Canada.
That’s why this is the best league in the world.”
Better than that one full of extraordinary gentlemen? My!
Ainge and Rivers are reasonably contemporary, with the GM preceding his coach as an NBA player by two years. That was the in-between period, when no high school players were entering the draft. That small first crop (Moses Malone, Darryl Dawkins, Bill Willoughby, etc.) were making their mark,
And what a helluva mark ‘ol Bill WIlloughby made!
and the second wave, led by Kevin Garnett, had yet to materialize.
The world wasn’t yet ready for this level of intensity..
In the early ’90s, it was generally agreed that what those first three had done was an isolated phenomenon and the NBA would never have to deal with teeny-boppers again.
With their juice boxes and their cassette tape players and their complicated shoes!
Then came Garnett, a young man from South Carolina via Chicago who believed he was good enough to play in the league right now.
Wait, he thought then that he was good enough to play now? Why did he enter then, then? Why didn’t he wait ’til now?
“My first thought was, ‘No way!’ ” says Rivers,
And then I was like, “Oh no you din’n't!” And then I was like, “Awwwww sheeeeyitttt!”
who had entered the 1983 draft following his junior year at Marquette. “There’s no way you can play coming out of high school.”
Then he saw Garnett play.
“I actually did say, ‘OK, I was wrong. The kid can play.’ “
Lewis offered himself up for the 1998 draft after a successful career at Alief (Texas) High School. The Sonics took him in the second round, and he is now concluding his 11th season. He is a three-time 20-ppg scorer, and you’d certainly have to say his career choice was wise.
Yeah, he duped the Magic out of hundreds of millions of dollars and has never been out of the second round; when he could’ve gone to a school like Texas for four years, taken them to a couple Final Fours and come into the NBA as one of the premier forwards in the league and still gotten all that money and probably have taken a team to the Conference Finals by now and not been such a whiny immature bitch every time a ticky-tack foul is called. Wise career choice.
Howard was the ultimate, the first pick in the 2004 draft. The Magic had to choose between this sculpted kid from Southwest Atlanta Christian Academy
Whoa, easy there Bob.
“And you should see his ass. Cut. Out. Of marble.”
and the best college player on the best college team, Connecticut center Emeka Okafor.
God bless you.
The latter has had an OK career for the Charlotte Bobcats,
The Charlotte What-Nows?
and he keeps getting better, but he’s not close to an All-Star.
Actually, he’s sorta very close. If Ree-Shard Lewis can be an All-Star, Emeka can.
Howard is, by acclamation, the best center in the league,
Bold statements, brought to you by the Boston Globe: In business for the next three months.
a shot-blocking and rebounding machine who can also get you 30 points if not monitored properly in the low post.
Thanks for the plug, Bob. Much appreciated.
He has had five great seasons in the league, and he won’t turn 24 until Dec. 8.
And he smiles a lot. Don’t forget the smiles!
Turkoglu began playing professionally in Turkey at age 17.
Ugh, Turkey? Might as well play in a trash dump.
At least he didn’t play in that whore factory known as Lithuania! Or Nazi Germany, for that matter!
He was a 2000 No. 1 pick (16th overall) by the Sacramento Kings. He has been a mainstay of the Turkish national team, and his entire profile is that of a modern player, from the extensive international background to his proficiency with the three.
Howard-Lewis-Turkoglu: It’s the quintessential futuristic NBA front line, except that the future is now.
The Future Is Now.
I give you…FUTURE ORLANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob Ryan is a Globe columnist and can be reached at ryan@globe.com. 
~~~
Random Bob Ryan Face ‘Splodin’ pic: 
If the Magic frontline is the future I’m getting in Bob Ryan’s time machine back to 1983 lickity-quick.
Besides, Future Orlando’s always under constant surveillance for the ongoing threat known as Space Bear.
Bob Ryan is a pompous windbag. But you knew that already..
Did you know that Bob won the prestigious seven-year-old Dick Schaap Award for Outstanding Journalism in 2006? Other recipients? Bob Costas & Mitch Albom. There must be a height requirement.
But Bob Ryan? Really? As Bobby Knight might say, “I know Dick Schaap; and you, sir, are no Dick Schaap.” Of course I don’t know Dick Schaap. And for all I know he might be Dick Schaap. Is he Dick Schaap?
Today, Bob Ryan invites us into his time machine. C’mon in, there’s candy! The year? 1959. The place? Well…Boston, I guess. Adjust the flux Bobryaner! To infinity & beyond!
(Bob Ryan’s pompous windbaggery in bold, my snappy zingers in plain.)
Filling It Up
Goodness gracious, Bob!
Whatever else happens at the TD Banknorth Garden when the Celtics play the Indiana Pacers on Friday night,
Like Stephon Marbury repeatedly stabbing Mike Dunleavy Jr. in the face..
it’s not likely to match what took place at the original Boston Garden when the Celtics took on the Minneapolis Lakers and their sensational rookie Elgin Baylor 50 years ago to the day.
So you’re saying Troy Murphy is not as good as Elgin Baylor?
That is, unless someone is planning scoring 173 points. Yes, the Celtics set all kinds of scoring records that Saturday afternoon
“They even scored on my mom!”
– Feb. 27, 1959 —
Hey! That date is also today’s date!!
as they established a franchise single game scoring record that still stands by beating the Lakers, 173-139.
Yeah! Suck it, LA! Or…Minneapolis..
It was the Celtics’ 17th consecutive victory over the Lakers, who were playing their final year in the Twin Cities before relocating to Los Angeles, where you might say a few good things have happened.
Yeah, Magic got all that AIDS..
The times were a bit different then.
Less AIDS.
Do you think we could ever have a circumstance today in which a game with the Lakers is preceded by a basketball clinic sponsored by this newspaper?
NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Now we’re lucky they don’t charge us to get in).
Because nationally-published sportswriters don’t get paid nearly enough..
But that’s what we had at the Garden that day. Not only did Red Auerbach, Frank Ramsey and Sam Jones provide instruction for the 4,000 or so young’uns assembled for the 9th annual Globe/Celtics Basketball Clinic, but so, too, did both Lakers veteran Vern Mikklesen (a power forward before we had that term)
Back then, we called them “Polish Shortstops”..
and the aforementioned Mr. Baylor, who was busy reinventing the game of basketball for us all by turning what had always been a strict horizontal or vertical game into a diagonal demonstration of athleticism heretofore unseen. In case no one has told you, Elgin Baylor is the most important figure of the last 60 years in shaping the actual artistry of the game.
He’s also revolutionized making shitty draft picks.
From Elgin Baylor sprang Dr. J,
Like..out of him?
and then Michael and now Kobe and LeBron.
It’s like a Russian Babushka doll of personalitylessness!
Trust me on this one.
Nope.
Anyway, can you imagine coming to the next Celtics-Lakers game and getting, free of charge, a clinic with Doc, KG, Paul, Ray, Pau and Kobe?
MY BRAIN CANNOT FATHOM SUCH MADNESS!
I’m not sure if defense was addressed during that clinic. Let’s hope not.
LOL! Cuz they scored lots of points, you guyz!
The Celtics were expecting to win, of course, but there was some pregame angst because Bill Russell was nursing a strained tendon in his right leg and couldn’t play.
Pussy.
It did not turn out to be a problem.
Or did it?..
It just kinda happened.
“My penis just kinda flopped out of my trousers and everyone in the schoolyard saw it. It was an honest mistake, Officer!”
The Celtics started out hot and never cooled off.
They should’ve had some refreshing Nestea Iced Tea! Now with lemon!
They led 40-30 after one, 83-64 at the half and 121-95 after three. Meanwhile, Bob Cousy was piling up the assists, and after a while people realized he had a shot at the existing one-game record of 21, held by Richie Guerin of the Knicks.
Yeah! Suck it, Guerin!
He was taken out of the game with the record tied, but when someone apprised Auerbach of the situation, the redhead immediately put The Cooz back in the game.
The Redhead & The Cooz, coming to ABC. Sundays this fall.
Soon he had number 22. And then numbers 23, 24, 25, 26, 27 and 28. The record was tied four years later by Philadelphia’s Guy Rodgers.
Aw screw you, Guy!
John Stockton also had a 28 in 1991.
You’re cool.
It still stands at number three, behind Scott Skiles’s 30 and Kevin Porter’s 29, but in the eyes of ultra-purists it remains number one because it was not puffed up by semi-bogus assists on such tomfoolery as three-pointers, which didn’t even exist in Cousy’s day.
Back in my day, we scored two points and we liked it!
And forget about three-pointers.
Done.
The concept of what merits an assist has been significantly broadened
Like my waist.
– some would say cheapened —
Like my career.
over the years so badly that it’s safe to say Cousy would easily average 13 or 15 a game today. In those days an assist pretty much meant a lay-up and would never be attached to anything requiring more than one, or possibly two, dribbles after reception.
Dribbles After Reception (DAR). I guarantee you Daryl Morey keeps that stat.
As for Guy Rodgers, a very good player whom many think belongs in the Hall of Fame, he had the benefit of throwing the ball into Wilt Chamberlain.
The jerk..
Anyway, The Cooz finished that game with a gaudy 31 points and 29 assists, thereby accounting for 89 of those 173 all by himself.
Maths!
“I never saw anything like that in my 13 years of professional basketball,” Auerbach said. “I heard he had a chance to break the record. So I rested him for a minute and sent him right back to bust it.”
An’ he bust the shit out it!
The teams combined to hoist it 267 times.
I don’t ever need to hear Bob Ryan say “hoist it” again.
Tom Heinsohn had 28 of Boston’s 143 attempts, making 18 en route to a career-high 43.
He gets a Tommy Point.
The Celtics placed seven men in doubles, while the Lakers had six. There were 183 rebounds available.
For sale?
The 173 has since been surpassed, of course. The current record high game is Detroit’s 1983 186-184 triumph over Denver, a game in which four men had 40 or more (Kiki Vandeweghe and Alex English for Denver; Isiah Thomas and John Long for Detroit.) But that one took four overtimes.
So it sucks. Ours is better.
What does remain, however, is Boston’s 72 field goals in a 48-minute game. This figure has never been surpassed.
And never shall! I declare it, in the name of all that is good & Bob Ryan!
Commissioner Maurice Podoloff was not amused when he heard the score.
That’s too many points! Raaaaaaaaaaarrrrr! Score less!
In fact, he was infuriated, so much so that he said he would summon the officials to inquire if the teams had been “goofing off” rather than trying to play defense.
K.C. Jones was just doing somersaults up & down the court.
Minneapolis coach John Kundla took his beating like a man.
I whimpering, sniveling shell of a man.
“I just hope we can shake the effects of this one,” he said. “There was little we could do about their phenomenal shooting, although after staying with them for a while. We really played bad defense over the second half.”
This was the 50’s. Shouldn’t he have ended that by popping the collar on his leather jacket and saying “Ayyyyyyy.”
A 52-point Celtics fourth quarter might be what he was alluding to.
The Lakers did “shake it off.”
And then properly zipped up their flies and washed their hands thoroughly.
Playing the Philadelphia Warriors the next night in Camden, NJ (I said things were different then),
Caucasians weren’t afraid to go into Camden!
they pulled one out.
Hey now!
As for the Celtics, they lost a 104-102 game the next night in St. Louis when, according to them, Bob Pettit goaltended a potential game-tying shot by Cousy at the buzzer.
You will burn in hell, Pettit! In hellllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!
“AUERBACH CLAIMS ‘GOALTENDING’”, read the headline. “It was goaltending as flagrant as anything I’ve ever seen,” he fumed.
He then put his cigar out in a towel boy’s eye.
Well, not everything has changed.
Zing.
~~~
Thanks for the trip down Memory Lane, Bob. Just wish you hadn’t held my hand the whole way..
Quick, who’s the biggest draft bust in NBA history? LaRue Martin, Chris Washburn, and Dennis Hopson might
merit some consideration, but I’m guessing you thought of Sam Bowie. Selected second overall by the Portland Trail Blazers in 1984 — ahead of Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, and John Stockton –he had a mediocre and injury-plagued career that serves as a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of drafting for need over potential. While many consider him to be the biggest bust in NBA history, Bowie actually had a serviceable career, especially in his later years with the Nets. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for many of the other players on this list. Here are the biggest draft blunders of the Kevin McHale era.
1. Michael Olowokandi (No. 1 by the Los Angeles Clippers, 1998): Do you think Paul Pierce, Dirk 
Nowitzki, Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, Rashard Lewis, or Mike Bibby might’ve been the better pick? How about Al Harrington, Jason Williams, or even Nazr Mohammed? You get the point. Olowokandi averaged 8 points and 7 rebounds over his nine-year career, and shot a putrid 43% from the field and under 60% from the foul line. The Clippers traded him to Minnesota after five seasons, and he’d finish his NBA career as a lowly reserve in Boston, playing behind the likes of Brian Scalabrine and Kevinn “Not A Typo” Pinkney. At least those guys picked after him didn’t amount to anything worthwhile.
2. Kwame Brown (No. 1 by the Washington Wizards, 2001): Already a member of the worst trades 
club, Kwame barely escapes top bust honors. After being selected first overall by then-GM Michael Jordan, Brown had a hard time handling pressure from the media, and especially from Jordan himself. He holds career averages of 7 points and 6 rebounds per game, including one double-figure scoring season in 2003. Although he’s still just 26 years years old, no one is foolish enough to trade Caron Butler or Pau Gasol for him again (okay, who am I kidding — this is still the NBA). Oh, and in addition to the birthday cake incident I mentioned before, Kwame once skipped a playoff practice because his tummy hurt — only to be spotted at a local Chinese restaurant the same night.
3. Darko Milicic (No 2. by the Detroit Pistons, 2003): As much as he wants
to deny it, Joe Dumars regrets this pick every day. Sure, the Pistons won a title that season, but would they have been worse off with Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, David West, or Zarko Cabarkapa coming off the bench? Darko appeared in just 96 games with the Pistons, averaging less than 2 points and barely a rebound, before being traded to Orlando for a mid-range first round pick. It’s only a matter of time before Hamed Haddadi becomes his, um, daddy in Memphis. Shouldn’t he at least be dating a hot European model or something?
4. Nikoloz Tskitishvili (No. 5 by the Denver Nuggets, 2002): This pick
actually makes the Milicic selection look even worse, since it’s hard to imagine a GM gambling on a European big man after watching Tskitishvili. Taken ahead of Amare Stoudemire, Caron Butler, and Carlos Boozer, he played only four seasons in the NBA, averaging less than 3 points and 2 rebounds per game. But at least it’s fun to say Skita, Skita, Skita! No, wait, that’s not that fun either…never mind. DaJuan Wagner (No. 6 by the Cleveland Cavaliers) also deserves to be mentioned here, but at least he had a decent rookie season (13 ppg)…and um, he no longer has a colon.
5. Rafael Araujo (No. 8 by the Toronto Raptors, 2004): Saying the Raptors 
blew this pick is an understatement. Here are just a few players taken after “Hoffa:” Andre Iguodala, Al Jefferson, Josh Smith, Andris Biedrins, Kevin Martin, Beno Udrih, and Anderson Varejao. I love how his Wikipedia entry says that he “left the NBA” to play in Russia. Right…he left the NBA of his own volition; it had nothing to do with the 2.8 points and 2.8 rebounds he averaged over three seasons. Araujo attended Minnesota’s training camp this summer, but couldn’t beat out Jason Collins or Calvin Booth for a roster spot on one of the worst teams in the league.
6. Rodney White (No. 9 by the Detroit Pistons, 2001): Take a look at the 2001
NBA Draft, and scan the players taken after White. I’ll give you a minute. Let’s see, there’s Joe Johnson, Richard Jefferson, Zach Randolph, Gerald Wallace, Tony Parker, Gilbert Arenas, Troy Murphy, Samuel Dalembert, Kedrick Brown…okay, maybe not Kedrick. White played one season with the Pistons, before being traded to the Nuggets for Menk Bateer, Don Reid and a future first round pick. Yep, I think that just about says it all. He’s been out of the league since 2005, finishing his 218-game career with career averages of 7 points and 2 rebounds.
7. Jonathan Bender (No. 5 by the Toronto Raptors [traded to Indiana Pacers], 1999): Bender gets a slight 
pass here because it’s hard to be mad at the guy now. After retiring at the age of 25 due to a debilitating knee condition, he established the Jonathan Bender Foundation, a nonprofit initiative that builds and restores homes in poor New Orleans neighborhoods and offers free classes and basketball clinics. Nonetheless, Bender averaged just 6 points and 2 rebounds over his nondescript career, appearing in 31 games over his final three seasons. He was selected ahead of Shawn Marion, Corey Maggette, Wally Szcerbiak, Andre Miller, and Richard Hamilton, and even the man he was traded for, Antonio Davis, somehow became an All-Star.
8. Ed O’Bannon, Nets (No. 9 by the New Jersey Nets, 1995): Ed lasted only
two seasons in the NBA after a spectacular career at UCLA, averaging a quiet 5 points for the Nets and Mavericks. His only saving grace is that, aside from Michael Finley, only a few prominent players were selected after him (Kurt Thomas, Corliss Williamson, Brent Barry). Oh, and he’s now a car salesman in Nevada — and proud of it!. I also could’ve gone with Shawn Respert (No. 8 by the Milwaukee Bucks) in this spot, but he later revealed that he battled — and courageously beat — cancer during his disappointing four-year pro career.
9. Marcus Fizer (No. 4 by the Chicago Bulls, 2000): Let’s make one thing
clear: 2000 was a historically bad draft class. Of the lottery picks, only Kenyon Martin, Mike Miller, and Jamal Crawford have had solid NBA careers. But Stromile Swift, DeMarr Johnson, Chris Mihm, and Jerome Moiso? Any of these guys can claim a spot on this list, so, why did I choose Marcus Fizer? Because he’s the only one who’s been an NBA Development League MVP. Ha, take that, critics! Oh, and in addition to Miller and Crawford, Michael Redd (taken at #43!), Hedo Turkoglu, and Joel Pryzbilla were also drafted after him.
10. Shelden Williams (No. 5 by the Atlanta Hawks, 2005): I don’t want to diss Mr. Candace Parker yet again, so I’ll keep this brief. Brandon Roy, Randy Foye, and Rudy Gay were taken after him in succession. His numbers have decreased in each of his first three seasons, and he can’t get off the Kings’ bench during a rebuilding year. Oh, and he’s ugly as all hell (sorry, I couldn’t help myself).
Dishonorable Mention:
Fran Vasquez (No. 11 by the Orlando Magic, 2005)
Trajan Langdon (No. 11 by the Cleveland Cavaliers, 1999)
Todd Fuller (No. 11 by the Golden State Warriors, 1996)
Luke Jackson (No. 10 by the Cleveland Cavaliers, 2004)
Tony Battie (No. 5 by the Denver Nuggets, 1997)
Frederic Weis (No. 15 by the New York Knicks, 1999)
Saer Sene (No. 10 by the Seattle SuperSonics, 2006)
Karl Malone is perched up in a tree - decked out in full hunting gear - overlooking a quiet field in Northern Mexico, when his cellphone rings. He checks the number, rolls his eyes and lowers his rifle.
“Mail Man here,” he answers.
“Mail Man. It’s Pick & Roll Boy, the Board needs to meet with us immediately! Where are you?”
“I’m hunting little–er, deer.”
“Well the hunt’s over, Mail Man. Pack up your things and meet me at the Board Room by 0900 hours.”
Stockton hangs up the phone and assures one of the board member’s assistants in the lobby that Malone is on his way.
Just as Karl finishes disassembling his rifle and putting it back in its case he spots a little girl run from one end of the field to the other and disappear over the horizon.
“Damn.” (more…)
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