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In a sport where players get extreme close-ups on every trip to the foul line (although Hedo Turkoglu might single-handedly put a stop to that), the NBA still manages to maintain some highly questionable grooming habits. Whether it’s a fashion statement, a gentleman’s bet, or just pure laziness, we’ve seen some truly awful facial hair over the years. But before we get to the league’s worst offenders, let’s take a quick look at some of the smoothest, best-groomed, and most big pimpin’ beards in NBA history.

Baron Davis

Walt Frazier

Larry Johnson

Baron Davis: Boom-Dizzle took cues from fellow bay-area players Ice Cube and Rick Ross, and sported a well-groomed beard that would make Kimbo Slice proud.

Walt “Clyde” Frazier: There’s no way Clyde would get “re-jected” when he was shakin’ and bakin’ with that classic ’80s specimen of a beard. No play for gray, indeed.

Larry Johnson: I truly believe the famous four-point play never happens without this beauty. Even Grandmama wishes she had one like that back in the day.

Kurt Rambis: Because when has a caterpillar mustache ever not looked good?

And now, without further adeu, it’s time to introduce the pantheon of the ugliest NBA facial hair of all-time. Players received bonus points for multiple beard styles and/or blatant disregard for hygiene.

Drew Gooden: The Osama Bin Gooden was one thing, but this half-Dave-Navarro-rocker, half-octopus concoction is outrageous…ly awesome. But at least he, um, “won” the beard-growing contest with Deshawn Stevenson (more on him later).

Pau Gasol: I’m curious to know what inspired Pau to go from clean-shaven straight to Eurotrash. Maybe he saw Castaway for the first time that summer. At least his brother Marc is somewhat trying not to look like the Geico caveman’s body double. Okay, on second thought, not really.

Scot Pollard: We covered the many looks of Scot Pollard once before, from the crazy mutton chops to the colorful dye jobs, but this monstrosity warrants another look. It’s a beard and it’s braided. Need I say more?

Zydrunas Ilgauskas: Big Z sported a massive playoff beard in 2006, until he “got [tired of having] to comb it” in the morning.  Gross. It looked like the combined forces of time and gravity gradually pulled the hair off his head and onto his face.

Brian Skinner: Is Skinner’s King Tut-throwback, Ying Yang Twins-approved, half-blond goatee enough to officially make him the Black Scot Pollard? I say, yes. And that’s not a compliment by any stretch of the imagination.

Bill Walton: Walton himself proclaimed it was “the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan’s beard look good.” Little known fact: the character of Teen Wolf was actually inspired by Walton’s fire-red Abe Lincoln beard.

DeShawn Stevenson: Clearly, DeShawn couldn’t feel his face because it was covered with a used Brillo pad. But perhaps he should grow it back after shooting a putrid 31% from the field when he finally shaved last season.

Gregg Popovich: Pop was either trying to intimidate Spurs’ opponents and arch-nemesis Joey Crawford by looking like the Unabomber on the sidelines, or simply decided to grow a Chia pet on his chin.

Yao Ming: Yao promised he’d shave his patchy um, “beard” if the Chinese team made it to the Olympic semifinal, but inexplicably believing scraggly, prepubescent peach-fuzz was en vogue, continued to sport it during the following NBA season (as much as he tried to cover it up).

Mark Eaton: Sure, Eaton kept his thick beard clean and neatly-trimmed, but it’s not often that a seven-footer gets routinely mistaken for a lumberjack off the court.

Dishonorable Mention:

*Adam Morrison: Speaking of wispy mustaches, we don’t want to get on (NBA champion!) Morrison yet again, but that barely-visible lip sweater made him look like a sixth-grader who desperately wanted to look “grown up” in middle school.

*Brian Winters: I’m not sure I understand what’s going on here, but I believe Winters’ chin gave birth to a beehive.

*Phil Jackson: Phil may have more rings than Popovich, but his Colonel Sanders beard doesn’t hold candle to Pop’s masterpiece. Although this old school look sure comes close.

*World B. Free: Much like Big Z, Free’s wasn’t actually losing hair on his head…it was just migrating down his cheeks and resting on his face.

*Greg Oden: slowly on its way to reaching Gooden proportions.

People tell me we are currently in an economic recession. I wouldn’t know, as I am a wealthy haberdasher. (more…)

It’s hard to believe that Kevin McHale lasted 13 seasons as the Minnesota Timberwolves’ Vice President of Basketball Operations.  Often regarded as the NBA’s worst GM this side of Isiah Thomas, he made countless terrible decisions that cost his team dearly (most notably perhaps, the infamous Joe Smith fiasco).  But we here at lowposts.com don’t kick people when they’re down — and after all, he was named the best general manager in all of sports by Forbes last season.  In honor of McHale’s firing — excuse me, “stepping down” — let’s take a look at the worst moves of his era…by other GMs.  Part I will focus on trades, and subsequent parts will explore free agent signings and draft picks.

1. Dallas Mavericks trade the draft rights to Robert “Tractor” Traylor to the Milwaukee Bucks for the rights to Dirk Nowitzki and the rights to Pat Garrity.

Yeah…that sure worked out well for the Bucks. Dirk went on to become a perennial All-Star and the first European MVP award winner, while Traylor would lead the league in Big Macs chomped per minute and tax evasion schemes. It should also be noted that the Mavs immidiately flipped the rights to Garrity — along with Martin Muursepp, Bubba Wells, and a future first round draft pick — to the Suns for Steve Nash. As horrible as that looks on paper, Phoenix made out better than exepected. The Suns selected Shawn Marion with the pick, and later brought a supposedly over-the-hill Nash back to the desert for his two MVP seasons.

2. Toronto Raptors trade Vince Carter to the New Jersey Nets for Eric Williams, Aaron Williams, Alonzo Mourning and two 1st round draft picks.

Since Alonzo “Phantom Raptor” Mourning refused to even make the trip to Canada, Toronto gave away Carter for just about nothing…unless you count Joey Graham, who was selected with one of those acquired draft picks (the other one was traded to New York). Sure, Carter wanted out and made his displeasure very obvious, but couldn’t the Raptors get a little more for a perennial All-Star? Like, I don’t know, some home-cooked food and clean drawers?

3. Chicago Bulls trade Eddy Curry and Antonio Davis to the New York Knicks for Tim Thomas, Michael Sweetney, Jermaine Jackson, and two future first round picks.

Let’s see — one the one hand, we have a one-dimensional, overpriced, overweight player who can’t grab a rebound and has a career-threatening heart condition. One the other, we have Tim Thomas, who played three games for the Bulls, and Jermaine Jackson who was cut. At least those draft picks didn’t amount to anything worthwhile — just LaMarcus Aldridge(#2 in 2006) and Joakim Noah (#9 in 2007). Impressive fleece job by Zeke, no?

4. Washington Wizards trade Kwame Brown and Laron Profit to the Los Angeles Lakers for Caron Butler and Chucky Atkins.

Remember that this trade comes on the heels of the widely-criticized Shaquille O’Neal trade, in which the Lakers acquired Butler, Lamar Odom, Brian Grant, and a first round pick for the big man.  Yet, while Shaq led Miami to a title in his second season, his skills sharply declined and he would be later moved for Shawn Marion; plus, that draft pick was used on the promising Jordan Farmar.  But Kwame for Caron Butler? The Lakers really wish they could have a mulligan on that one, since “Birthday Cake” Brown would shockingly fail to impress Phil Jackson with his toughness, while Butler blossomed into one of the top forwards in the league with the Wiz.

5.  Charlotte Hornets trade the draft rights to Kobe Bryant to the Los Angeles Lakers for Vlade Divac.

At the end of the day, it’s a bad trade when you consider that Kobe would become one of the best players in the world and team up with Shaq to win three championships in Los Angeles. But if you’re wondering why this deal isn’t ranked higher, let’s remember a few key components. Kobe was expected to be a top-five pick, until he refused to workout for any teams except the Knicks and Lakers.  He even insisted that he’d play in Europe if another team were to take him — he’s grown so much since those days.   The Hornets selected him at number 13 overall, and ended up with an All-Star caliber center in Divac, who helped Charlotte reach the postseason in both of his seasons on the team.   Oh, and isn’t it fun to watch Kobe squirm uncomfortably in his Hornets cap on draft night?

6.  New Orleans Hornets send Baron Davis to the Golden State Warriors for Speedy Claxton and Dale Davis.

Read those names again, and please tell me what the Hornets were thinking here.  It’s not like Davis was an All-Star and All-NBA team member or anything (what, you mean, he was???).  Okay, so he missed a few games games and didn’t get along with Byron Scott, but that’s the best they could do?  Not-so-speedy Claxton would play 87 games over two seasons, and 35-year-old Dale Davis contributed a whopping 3.1 points in just 35 appearances.  Baron Davis, meanwhile, helped revitalize a struggling Warriors franchise, shattered Andrei Kirilenko’s confidence, and brought more of the beautiful Ms. Alba into our lives.

7.  Houston Rockets trade Richard Jefferson, Jason Collins, and Brandon Armstrong to the New Jersey Nets for Eddie Griffin.

A lot of critics felt the Nets were making a huge mistake by trading Griffin, who appeared to have an unprecedented skillset.  And yet, Jefferson and Collins were starters on back-to-back Nets Finals teams, while Griffin (RIP) never came close to realizing his full potential…well, except for that time in his SUV.

8. Washington Wizards trade Chris Webber to the Sacramento Kings for Mitch Richmond and Otis Thorpe.

The Wizards took a huge step backwards by dealing Webber in his prime for Richmond, who was entering the downside for his career.  Although Webber missed a lot of games with a dislocated shoulder, and had off the court troubles with the law in DC, he would transform the laughing stock Kings into an instant title contender.  The Wizards, captained by Richmond, Rod Strickland, and Juwan Howard, would fail to win more than 29 games in three seasons, before Michael Jordan mercifully relinquished his title of Director of Basketball Operations and destroyed his knees on the court.

9. Memphis Grizzlies trade Pau Gasol to the Los Angeles Lakers for Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittendon, Marc Gasol, Aaron McKie’s corpse, and two future 1st round draft picks (2008 and 2010).

Call me crazy, but I don’t think this trade is as bad as everyone has made it out to be.  Yes, the Grizz could’ve gotten more, and Pau channeled his inner Vince Carter and started trying again in Los Angeles.  But the Grizzlies didn’t win a single playoff game during the Gasol era, and decided to rebuild: Brown’s expiring contract came off the books, Marc Gasol has played very well in his first season, and the 2008 pick turned out to be Donte Greene, who was shipped to the Rockets for Darrell Arthur and a 2009 second-rounder.  Plus, they have another 1st rounder next season.  Wait, did I just compliment Chris Wallace??

10. Minnesota Timberwolves trade Sam Cassell and a future first round draft pick for Marko Jaric

I know, I said no McHale trades, but come on! He made this deal right after the Wolves finally broke through and reached the Western Conference Finals, and then signed Jaric to a cap-killing five-year, $37 million extension. Plus, he refused to feed Latrell Sprewell’s family!

Dishonorable Mention:

*Detroit Pistons trade Grant Hill to the Orlando Magic for Ben Wallace and Chucky Atkins.

*Atlanta Hawks trade Rasheed Wallace to the Detroit Pistons for Bob Sura, Zeljko Rebraca, and a lottery-protected first round pick (Mil).

*Boston Celtics trade Joe Johnson, Randy Brown, Milt Palacio and a first round pick to the Phoenix Suns for Rodney Rodgers and Tony Delk.