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Legendary soul-singer Nappy Brown is a bit of a football buff. Every week Nappy will make his NFL predictions..

Week Fourteen

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We’ve previously touched upon fascinating tie-ins between hip-hop and the NBA, where ballers want to be rappers and rappers want to be ballers. Yet another example of the connection between the two cultures comes courtesy of LeBron James’ brief cameo in Jay-Z’s video for “D.O.A. (Death of Auto-tune),” which is by no means random or unexpected, since the Cavaliers superstar just happens to be best buds with the part owner of the New Jersey (Brooklyn) Nets. The real fun comes when our favorite NBA players make very odd and at times completely inexplicable appearances in popular music videos.

Shaquille O’Neal, Alonzo Mourning, Larry Johnson, Tom Gugliotta, LaPhonso Ellis, Harold Miner, Steve Smith, Christian Laettner — Naughty by Nature, “Hip Hop Hooray (NBA Remix):” Okay, so it’s not an official music video, but a basketball-themed remix recorded for NBA Inside Stuff. Meh, close enough. Tom “The Bomb” Gugliotta’s fake punching is hilarious in itself, but this is an unintentional comedy classic thanks to Christian Laettner, decked out in a beige turtleneck and waving his arms as he lip syncs, “I live and die for hip hop.” This can never be topped.

Alonzo Mourning, Alex English, Walt Williams, Muggsy Bogues, Charles Smith — Hootie and The Blowfish, “I Only Wanna Be with You:” Hooping with the spectacular NBA Jam: T.E. combo of Zo and Muggsy is one thing, but what in the world are Alex English, who’d been retired for three years, and Charles Smith, notorious for his four straight missed lay-ups, doing there? Was Cherokee Parks not available? Anthony “Pig” Miller? Zan Tabak? On the other hand, Hootie gets major props for showcasing Walt Williams, one of very few wins for the mid-90’s Kings.

Magic Johnson — Michael Jackson, “Remember the Time:” This must’ve been the moment when Michael Jackson made Magic a better point guard. Playing one of the Pharaoh’s (Eddie Murphy) bare-chested guards — or aids, if you’re as bad a person as I am — Magic for once escapes without completely butchering the English language in his four lines of dialogue. As is our custom, let’s now take a few minutes to watch a classic clip from the brilliance that was and always will be ”The Magic Hour.”

Larry Hughes — Nelly, “Dilemma:” Kelly Rowland of Destiny’s Child is seeing Hughes, but can’t stop creeping with Nelly on the side…hence the dilemma in the title. True story: Nelly started wearing his trademark band-aid after repeatedly getting hit in the face by errant Hughes bricks on the basketball court.

Kobe Bryant — Destiny’s Child, “Bug A Boo:” Beyonce and the ladies (they really like ballers, apparently) walk into a male locker room, stroll past a few half-naked men, and then get a stare-down from Kobe Bryant, who’s furiously tying his shoes on the bench. Much like Bryant’s ill-fated rap career, there’s no rhyme or reason to it whatsoever, though thankfully Mr. K.O.B.E. doesn’t pick the up mic here.

Corey Maggette, Baron Davis — Common, “Drivin’ Me Wild:” Okay, so maybe the NBA cameos sort of makes sense, since Common raps about a woman being with “the ball player from the Clippers,” Maggette’s team at the time, and in a bit of a stretch, Baron Davis became a Clipper himself a year later. I’m just disappointed that Chris Kaman couldn’t land this part…that would’ve been epic.

Jalen Rose — Styles P,“Good Times (I Get High):” I mentioned this once before, but are my eyes deceiving me, or is that Jalen Rose DJing at the 2:41 and 3:06 marks? I’m sure David Stern was ecstatic that one of his players was in a song promoting smoking marijuana on a daily basis.

UPDATE: Anthony Mason tears it up on the court in some short shorts in Diamond D’s “Best Kept Secret:”

We’ve previously looked at one side of the unique connection between rap and basketball — NBA players who’ve tried to (unsuccessfully) release rap albums.   A much more common phenomenon in today’s hip-hop/hoops era finds rappers mentioning basketball players in their lyrics.  In fact, it’s almost impossible to listen to a rap album and not hear a musician compare himself or his counterparts to his favorite players, usually with something lame like, “I’m number one like Tracy McGrady.”  There were probably more clichéd references to Shaq missing free throws in the mid-’90’s than, well, the actual number of missed free throws by the big man.  While Michael Jordan, LeBron James, and Allen Iverson, to name a few, have been name-dropped hundreds of times (according to Slam, Jordan has been acknowledged over 150 times himself), here are some of the more original and memorable rap lyrics that mention NBA stars.

Clyde, Rick Barry, and Pistol Pete,
Now these players, could never be beat,
Isiah, and Iceman too,
Just give ‘em the ball, and then you talk up too,
Dantley and Wilkins are on the scene,
And Ralph Sampson is really mean,
Bill Russell didn’t take no junk,
And Darryl Dawkins got a monster dunk

– Kurtis Blow “Basketball” (1984)

A hip-hop pioneer and a knowledgeable NBA fan, Kurtis Blow referred to dozens of other NBA superstars such as Julius Erving, Wilt Chamberlain, and Magic Johnson in his hit single. While the lyrics and video are badly outdated — not to mention that Blow is a dead-ringer for Dave Chappelle’s Prince — the song was monumental in establishing an early connection between rap and basketball. It’s since been used in commercials, including the Lil’ Penny ads, and was unfortunately remade by Lil’ Bow Wow in 2002 . Let’s just pretend that never happened.

Max mostly, undivided, then slide in, sickenin’
Guaranteed, made em jump like Rod Strickland

– Wu-Tang Clan “Triumph” (1997)

I have no idea why rappers love Strickland so much. Not only is he also mentioned on “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing Ta F’ With,” but his name appears on Pharoahe Monch’s “Official,” (”I walk the earth with my Rod in this Strick-land”), DMX’s “Sincerity” (”straight to the hole, like Rod Strickland”), and Method Man’s “Evil Streets” (”then the plot thickens, on point like Rod Strickland”). Is it just because his name is so easy to rhyme?  It’s too bad that Strick’s propensity to puke hot dogs during Wizards games (I actually saw this live once) never made it into a song.

“Who slam harder? Onyx or Vince Carter? (ONYX!)” – Onyx, “Slam Harder” (2002)

Carter’s name is found on countless rap songs, including the chorus of this commercial single. The funny thing is that by 2002, Vince wasn’t really slamming anymore, sitting out with a knee injury and eventually declaring that he “[didn't] want to dunk anymore.” “Slam Harder” was supposed to be Onyx’s comeback anthem, a follow-up to their 1993 hit “Slam,” but never translated into good album sales. The lesson here, as Raptors fans will be quick to tell you, is don’t rely on Vince Carter for anything.

Worry, I’m not Mike Jordan, of the mic recordin’
Hovi, baby, you Kobe, maybe Tracy McGrady
Matter fact, you Harold Miner, J.R. Rider, washed up on marijuana
Even worse you a Pervis Ellis, you worthless, fella
You ain’t no athlete, you Shawn Bradley

– Jay-Z “Pump It Up [Remix]” (2003)

Jay-Z is no stranger to NBA similes, foreshadowing his own comeback on “Encore,” (”come back like Jordan, wearing the 4-5“), and likening his competitors to Sam Bowie on “Hola Hovito.”  His verse on the remix of Joe Budden’s “Pump It Up” prompted rumors of a feud between the two rappers. If Jay-Z was really battling Budden, himself no stranger to “NBA” allusions, then throwing in four of the biggest busts in league history (including, quite fittingly, Baby Jordan) in a four-bar span was a knock-out punch.

During last season’s playoffs, a war of words between DeShawn Stevenson and LeBron James, who compared the Wizards guard to rapper Soulja Boy, led Jay-Z back in the booth.  The part owner of the New Jersey Nets recorded a Stevenson diss track, “Blow the Whistle,” and is currently working on a new record for LeBron, “To Live and Die in NJ,” to be released in the summer of 2010.

And y’all scared, I can tell / that Im’a get Bucks like Milwaukee, cause like Sam, I Cassell.  – Jadakiss, Put Ya Hands Up (2001)

It’s interesting to hear Cassell’s name pop up so often, since like Strickland, he was never a star player. He’s renowned for being clutch and looking like an alien, both of which are prominently covered by rappers: Drag-On (”And keep a guard wit ya that shoot, like Sam Cassell”); Cassidy (”And if I don’t sell, and plans should fail, man it’d get ugly like Sam Cassell”); and Redman (”Call me the Sam Cassell, shots two minute on the clock, cops know the SL handle well”). I only have one request — can someone make a testicle dance video before Sam retires?

“I’m just Kidd-in’ like Jason.” — Nelly, “Hot in Herre” (2002)

Nelly made a quick (and not particularly witty) play on words using Jason Kidd’s name on his biggest hit. Seriously though, Nelly, is that the best you could do, considering all we know about the husband of the year? How about, “I spit rhymes like J-Kidd spits french fries?” Yeah, this is probably why I’m not a rapper.

Quick Hits:

Snoop Dogg, Hoop Dreams (1999): Snoop imagines playing point guard for the Lakers and even makes a couple of transactions: “And we traded for a few players, some Pacers, Miller and Mullin, and now they Lakers.” Maybe the Clippers should consider hiring him instead of Isiah for that executive position?

Jay-Z, “La, La, La (Excuse Me Again)” (2004): “And I’m the Franchise like the Houston Rockets…” Just imagine Steve Francis’ excitement here, right before Jay finishes the line with, “…Yao Ming!”  Burn!

Wu-Tang Clan, “Starter” (2007):  “You’s starter, like Candace Parker, take flight like Skywalker, might wolf it on ya father.”  The whole first verse is about Candace Parker, and believe me, it only gets worse from here.

Wu-Tang Clan, “Soul in the Hole” (1999): “Sore losers take off they jersey, cause they ain’t James Worthy.”

Public Enemy, “Rebel Without a Pause” (1988): “I’ll throw it down your throat like Barkley.”

The Roots, “Ain’t Sayin’ Nothing New” (1999):  “I just back-slap that ass like Shaq did Ostertag.”

Nas, “These Are Our Heroes” (2004): “From OJ to Kobe, uh let’s call him Tobe … Yo, you can’t do better than that? The hotel clerk who adjusts the bathroom mat?”

Nelly Furtado: “Promiscuous,” (2006): “Is your game MVP like Steve Nash?”  It’s not rap, but it features and is produced by Timbaland.

Gnarls Barkley: the group name; Cee-Lo was a rapper in his former life.

Styles P, “Good Times (I Get High)” (2005): No rap references in the lyrics, but, um, is that Jalen Rose DJing at the 2:41 and 3:06 marks??

The only rapper who’s come close to playing in the NBA is Percy “Master P” Miller — hard as it is to believe now — who was on the preseason rosters of the Charlotte Hornets in 1998 and the Toronto Raptors in 1999.  Although he never appeared in a regular season game, he put out a mixtape in honor of his achivements.  Maybe one day, his son, Lil’ Romeo, a rap artist in his early teens who currently plays for USC will become the first true rapper-turned-baller. (Checks Romeo Miller’s stats).  Maybe not.

People tell me we are currently in an economic recession. I wouldn’t know, as I am a wealthy haberdasher. (more…)