“I think us being there really made a statement to him,’’ maintains Ray Allen. “A player can hear things from Danny and Doc, but he heard it from our mouths, face to face.’’

Starring Tom Skerritt.

Doc likes the college recruiting analogy.

Ubuntu U?

“I talk to John Calipari a lot,’’ Rivers says,

Alienating his entire fanbase in one fell swoop.

“and when I told him what was happening he said, ‘Just make sure you don’t leave the campus without his commitment.’ And he never did go to another campus.’’

Ainge, the orchestrator of this whole thing, is now downplaying it.

Rasheed? Meh, he sucks.

“I don’t think that was the difference,’’ he insists. “He was on an emotional high right afterward, but he didn’t make his decision for a few days. I think it came down to who these guys are on the court. He had witnessed it from afar, and he wanted to be part of it.’’

He wanted to be a part of our old, injured action.

The GM also claims there is nothing very unusual about players being part of personnel discussions, at least in Boston.

“Red [Auerbach] would talk with Larry [Bird], Kevin [McHale], and DJ [Dennis Johnson] about players,’’ Ainge says. “We would all say, ‘We don’t want to play with this guy,’ or “We’d like to play with that guy.’ ’’

And then he’d just go out and sign some white guy, anyway.

Red was always ahead of the curve. The main reason he plucked Don Nelson off waivers was that Tom Heinsohn, among others, told Red they did not like to play against him.

He was always trying to bite us and screaming “Nnnnnellie Ball!” And don’t get near that guy at a cockfight.

But that was Red, and this is Boston. It’s not like that everywhere, as he knows, Doc knows, and the players know.

And you know. And I know. And the moon knows. Goodnight, moon.

This organization sees the management-player relationship as a partnership.

LOL, gay..

“They understand our needs and we understand their needs,’’ Allen says.

Goodness!

In all candor, it’s easy for everyone to say this now, one championship later. It wasn’t all that long ago that Pierce was afraid he’d be playing out his career as the best player on a bad, or, at best, mediocre, team. Then Ainge was able to trade for Allen, and thus KG, who would never have remotely entertained a move to Boston otherwise, agreed to come here and - Voila! - a Big Three and championship No. 17.

You might even say that anything is possible.

Now Paul, KG, and Ray are senior members of the firm, and are included in policy planning.

Teehee! It’s like their businessmen!

“My belief is that players know a lot,’’ Ainge says.

Oh, Danny! What a card!

“They’re bright, very bright.

He’s on a roll!

They have great insights.

I’d be stupid not to listen to Kevin, Paul, and Ray. I may not always agree, but I’ve got to listen.’’

You know, Ubuntu and all that shit.

There weren’t any disputes on this one. The Big Three wanted Rasheed. The coach, the GM, and the managing partner wanted Rasheed. And Rasheed decided that joining the Celtics was likewise in his best interest.

“He was only going to a team he thought could win,’’ Rivers says. “So I hope he’s right. I hope he’s a good talent evaluator.’’

Because if he isn’t, HE’S FUCKIN’ FIRED!

But those other teams are all pretty good. There was really only one big thing separating them.

“San Antonio, Cleveland, Orlando, none of those other teams brought players,’’ points out Allen.

And that’s a fact.

And that’s..

Bob Ryan is a Globe columnist and host of Globe 10.0 on Boston.com. He can be reached at ryan@globe.com.

~~~

Welp. Another Bob Ryan drivelin’ devil down. I was shocked & mildly appalled that Bob Ryan wasn’t shocked & mildly appalled by the ‘Sheed trade. But I guess, after last season, as a Celtics fan you’ll talk yourself into a lotta things. I just hope next season we stay a little more healthy and nobody gets sick. Because that could be…

…fatal.

Boston’s star of the day was Rajon Rondo (29 points, 9 rebounds, 7 assists), but he was countered by Rookie of the Year-in-waiting Derrick Rose, who scored 36 points with 11 assists. Part of the University of Memphis’s meltdown at the free throw line in last year’s NCAA championship game (which caused many sleepless nights for John Calipari),

And The Door..

Rose went 12 for 12 from the stripe against the Green.

Yeah, but how did he do against the Celtics?

Playing in his first NBA tournament game,

Who are you Dan, my wife?

“Oh, are you watching the NBA tournament? Why did they blow that whistle? Did he score a touchdown-goal?”

Rose was absolutely fearless.

Ditto for Noah, who snatched 17 rebounds. The Bulls were not intimidated.

Not even by Big Baby? He’s so doughy, he could give them a yeast infection. Heyo!

They were not afraid. And they shocked the Garden masses, who expect only victory when the Celtics play at home in the playoffs.

Masses: “Your performance was substandard to our expectations! We are angry masses! Raar!”

It’s always convenient to blame the officials when your team loses

Which I will..

- and Bennett Salvatore certainly had his moments -

…right there.

but Rivers wasn’t having any of that, either.

I ain’t havin’ none a dat, Shaqueesha! Hold my weave, I’m-a slap this bitch!

“Our guys were complaining, and it’s the first thing I squashed,” said the coach. “It ain’t the refs. The refs had nothing,

Nothing?

nothing to do with this game. It was us. And we’ve got to compete. We’ve got to play.”

We have to play offense & defense and sometimes both. We have to play basketball better than the other team plays basketball or we will lose basketball games!

Pierce said the fellows got an earful from their coach.

Better than a mouthful.

“He just didn’t feel like the sense of urgency was there,” said the captain.

I’d rather hear Tennille’s take on this loss.

“We understood that, so we have to expect a better game [in] Game 2 and the rest of the series now that we got hit in the mouth first game.”

The whole day was a horrid reminder of just how much Garnett changed everything. Nobody was fired up about a Boston team led by Pierce and Allen

Again, we were you stupid man. Anything’s better than Ricky Fucking Davis.

- and that’s when they had a fantastic young talent in Al Jefferson. Garnett is the man who made the Celtics champs. And now he is gone and this playoff quest feels doomed.

People wonder why newspapers are dying. Maybe it’s the air of negativity and pessimism surrounding everything they publish. Sports sections (the most important/popular part of any newspaper) across the nation are full of reporters who always try to find the negative in a story. They feel they aren’t producing unless they’re cutting down and exposing the evils of society (This coming from a guy ripping apart a reporter with a post full of negatives). I’m not saying we should live in Happy Disneyland; but maybe more people would read & enjoy the Globe if they employed some writers who inspired things in their readers, besides pitchforks & torches. Maybe they could sign some young talent that could write something looking ahead to the rest of the series and inciting the fans to get on their feet and believe in this team again. Maybe the Globe needs some damn positivity. A writer that looks ahead rather than behind. If you’re obsessed with bringing up the past, bring up the games we won last year in the spring, when it looked like we were on our way out. Go to celticsblog.com. Read Steve Weinman and the gang over there. Go to CelticsHub, Red’s Army; read those fellas. Maybe if these guys were getting paid to write for the Big Guy, the newspaper could at least tread water for a few more years. All Shaughnessy & Ryan do is cut down and spit on everything we New Englanders hold dear and believe in. We don’t have a lot. It’s cold & dreary half the time. The girls stay bundled up longer. All the industries that whole towns were built on are crashing down around us. Hell, most people think Maine’s in Canada. All we have are the Sox, Pats, Celts & Bruins. When they’re losing, we don’t need Shaughnessy & Ryan dwelling on every mistake and bad memory. I’d say, “Maybe if we ignore them, they’ll go away.” But that’s unrealistic. And then what would I do with this piece? The only solution to the newspaper problem is new blood. Instead of fighting the blogosphere and deriding it at every turn; embrace it and steal from it. The internet’s been stealing the best paper-men from you guys for years; it’s time to steal back. Or just go away and die. Your choice, Newspapers..

Once mighty and feared, the 2009 playoff Celtics are the Little Train That Could.

Sure, they can come back and beat the Bulls. First-round extinction remains unlikely.

Hey, some optimism! Hurrah! Hooray! Huzzah!

But the thrill is gone. No happy ending this time.

Nope, there it goes. Optimism out the window..

Cedric Maxwell, the ex-Celtic and team radio analyst, thinks he might have the answer.

A systematic carpet-bombing of the city of Chicago.

“I’ve got this stalker guy,” said Max.

In my mind!

“He’s about 47 years old and he followed me home the other night.

Doesn’t a stalker have to follow you home on more than one occasion to technically be considered a stalker?

He says he’s been hearing voices and that the voices are telling him he needs to play for the Celtics.

That narrows it down to every 47-year-old in the Greater Boston Area.

He keeps asking me for Wyc’s number and Danny’s number [managing partner Wyc Grousbeck and president Danny Ainge].

Danny’s sorta preoccupied at the moment, Stalker Guy.

He asked me if I’d pay for his mother’s apartment.

Blah! Blogger jokes!!!

“Then he showed up at my place and asked if I would shoot hoops with him.

Aww..

I keep telling him, ‘You can’t follow me home. I cannot help you.’

Help me, Cedric Maxwell. You’re my only hope!

But he says the voices are telling him to play for the Celtics. Imagine that story: ‘Max finds guy on street to replace KG.’ “

Wait a minute. Forty-seven years old. Nothing better to do than follow Cedric Maxwell around. Convinced he can still play..

GET AWAY FROM ME, CRAIG EHLO!!

Rivers doesn’t want to hear about it. Garnett is not walking through that door. And as Game 1 demonstrated, the Celtics aren’t going anywhere. That’s what the voices in our own heads are telling us.

The voices in Dan’s head are saying, “Wow, it’s so roomy in here! I could move in my duvet!”

Dan Shaughnessy is a Globe columnist. He can be reached at dshaughnessy@globe.com.

~~~

Last week, Bob Ryan tells us to “stop whining.” This week, Dan Shaughnessy tells us there’s no hope. Next week, Dan-Bob Ryanessy explains how it would’ve been better if we had just let the British win..

Have some fuckin’ faith, Boston.