www.lowposts.com

Emperor Dong Bong Long of the 19th Century Qing Dynasty and his concubine Mushi Mushi run down the Eastern Conference..

(more…)

Since you can never get enough of LowPosts on your computer screen, check out our my second appearance on The Phoenix Pub podcast with First Derivative and James Brown.  Yep, ebooker and FEAST flaked as always.  Among the topics we discussed on the show, which can be found in the sidebar (Episode 7), as well downloaded on iTunes:

• Michael Beasley’s horrific tattoo and the curious timing of his “rehab”
• Could Allen Iverson become the Brett Favre of the NBA?
• Are the Denver Nuggets for real and is it really possible to get enough of watching the Birdman fly? (That was a rhetorical question, of course.)
• My uncomfortable man crush on Ricky Rubio…
• Taking bets on the disaster Isiah Thomas will inflict on Florida International
• Stephen Jackson’s trade request and the roots of his ever-growing insanity
• Five good minutes on the good guys of the NBA, including Tim James and Kevin Martin.

Upon hearing the news that Ricky Rubio plans to play for Barcelona this season, Minnesota Timberwolves GM David Kahn committed seppuku today..

(Timberwolves President David Kahn is in Spain for the second time trying to bring Ricky Rubio with him back to Minnesota..)

Kahn: (muttering to himself)  Alright Kahn-y, you can do this. Hail Mary time, baby. Let’s get this Spaniard to Minnesota. Toothsweet, I say! Toothsweet!

Rubio: (enters hotel suite with agent)  Hola.

Kahn: Olé!

Agent: (scowls at Kahn)

Kahn: (gulp)

(more…)

There are two rules for being a successful NBA franchise. The first is don’t hire Isiah Thomas as your general manager. The second is steer clear of rookies who don’t want to play for your team. At least the Timberwolves got one of those right. As much as David Kahn wants to insist that drafting Ricky Rubio was the right move, it’s strikingly reminiscent of the Clippers drafting Danny Ferry in 1989, who immediately bolted to Italy (best decision he’s ever made), and more recently, the Magic drafting Fran Vázquez in 2005, who much like Rubio, gave no initial indication that he’d return to Spain rather than play in the NBA. The fact is, history has shown that drafting players against their wishes rarely ends well for teams who try to test their luck.

The Grizzlies selected Steve Francis second overall in the 1999 NBA Draft (over Baron Davis, Lamar Odom, and Shawn Marion) despite the fact that the Maryland guard publicly announced that he had no intention of playing in Vancouver. After nearly convincing him to sign with the team — Francis even filmed a shelved ESPN commercial where he revealed that his holdout was over his dislike of Canadian bacon — the Grizzlies were forced to trade the future three-time All-Star to the Rockets. In return, Vancouver acquired the poo-poo platter of Michael Dickerson, Othella Harrington, Antoine Carr and Brent Price, and shockingly began losing fan support and money. The team moved to Memphis within two years, all because “The Franchise” ruined, well, the franchise. In an ironic twist of fate, Francis was dealt by Houston back to the Grizzlies last season, but once again never suited up after immediately getting bought-out and waived.

Two years ago, the Bucks decided to draft Yi Jianlian, even after his agent Dan “Jack Woltz” Fegan insisted that his client would never play in Milwaukee. Yi eventually received an offer he couldn’t refuse — a guaranteed starting job and significant playing time. He put up a paltry 8.6 points on a 26-win Bucks team, and turned out to be (at least) three years older than the listed age on his Chinese documents. Milwaukee traded Yi to the Nets for Richard Jefferson after one disappointing season, and a year later, managed to turn the sixth pick in a strong 2007 draft class into three expiring contracts.

Going back further, in 1992, Jim Jackson, drafted fourth overall by the Mavericks, refused to report to the team and missed the majority of his rookie season after a lengthy contract dispute (this was, of course, before the days of the rookie salary cap, implemented after Glenn “Big Dog” Robinson demanded a ludicrous 13-year, $100 million contract). Jackson and Jason Kidd, two of the three “J’s” who were supposed to lead the Mavs back to prominence, allegedly became involved in a love triangle with R&B singer Toni Braxton and insisted they’d never breathe again on the same team. Jackson, along with Sam Cassell, was traded to the Nets for Shawn Bradley and Ed O’Bannon. Needless to say, the Mavs received the short end of that deal and would go on to have five consecutive losing seasons.

Which brings us back to Rubio. By drafting a player who, by all indications, doesn’t want to play in Minnesota, Kahn has all but guaranteed that his team will suffer, even if Rubio eventually ends up donning the green and blue. Call it a self-fulfilling prophecy or a final destination, but Minnesota’s fate was decided the moment David Stern announced the fifth pick in the 2009 Draft. Need more proof? How about those same lovable Clippers finally convincing their 1988 top pick, Danny Manning, to sign his contract, only to watch him blow out his knee 26 games into his rookie season and never live up to expectations?

Then again, it might be fun reading Kevin Love’s angry Twitter updates about the floppy-haired Spanish kid macking on his girlfriend…

The 2009 NBA Draft is nearly upon us.

‘Tis nigh. ‘Tis nigh!

And what better way to ring in draft week than with our very own Anthony Charles Xavier Mason.

Let the mocking and drafting begin.. (more…)