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(Warriors ex-Captain Stephen Jackson is hanging out in Coach Nelson’s office..)

Nelson: I know! Let’s steal a car!

Jackson: Nah, I did that this morning.

Nelson: (crosses arms grumpily)  You do everything without me!

Jackson: Coach, I got other friends that wanna do stuff. I can’t just hang out with you 24-7, like that kiss-ass Curry!

Curry: (wanders into office)  Hey Coach! Hey Stephen!

Jackson: (snicker)

Nelson: (stifled guffaw)

Jackson: (eats Snickers) (more…)

(Warriors rookie Stephen Curry runs into Coach Don Nelson’s office..)

Curry: Coach!

Nelson: (swivels around in chair)  Gahhh–I wasn’t masturbating!!

Curry: Um..

Nelson: (looks down, zips up fly)

Curry: Coach, Andris is hitting people over the head with a mallet. Says it’s for some sort of Latvian holiday, but it really hurts!

Nelson:  Now, Young Stephen. Nobody likes a tattletale.

Curry: But Coach, Rony Turiaf is on the floor bleeding!

Nelson: Probably just his dreadlocks. What did you want to see me for?

Curry: Um, that. What I just told you.

Nelson: Right, now my thing. (more…)

(One afternoon, in Coach Don Nelson’s office..)

Jackson: I wanna trade!

Ellis: No, I wanna trade!

Jackson: I wanna trade more! (more…)

Nelson: Easy boy. Easy..

Crocodile: Hissssssssss!

Nelson: Bad Croc! Bad!

Crocodile: Hisssssssssssss!

Curry: Hey Coach, I–oh, c’mon!  (leaps back)

Nelson: Watch out, Young Stephen. Croc’s angry. (more…)

(Warriors Coach Don Nelson is in his office when Stephen Curry enters..)

Curry: Hey Coach, you wanted to–what in the world?

Nelson: (hollering)  HEY STEPHEN, CHECK OUT MY ROBOT!

Robot: (whirs loudly)  Beep boop.

Curry: Wow, is that where all that noise has been coming from?

Nelson: (hollering)  SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU YOUNG STEPHEN! THIS ROBOT’S LOUD AS HELL!

Robot: (whirs even louder)  Beep beep boop.

Nelson: (hollering)  SHUSH, ROBOT! (more…)

(Warriors Coach Don Nelson is playing the NASCAR pinball machine in his office, when rookie Stephen Curry enters..)

NASCAR Pinball Machine: TILT! TILT! TILT!

Nelson: (incredulous)  What? I’ll show you a tilt!  (tips pinball machine over, glass shatters everywhere)

Curry: (standing awkwardly in doorway)  Uhhh…

Nelson: Ah! Young Stephen! Come in, come in..

Curry: (sits down)  What’s up, Coach?

Nelson: We’ve got badgers. (more…)

(Warriors rookie Stephen Curry is awoken at five in the morning by his phone..)

Curry: Ughh, hello?

Nelson: Stephen, come here at once! I need you!

Curry: Mmph, Coach? What’s happening?

Nelson: Adventure! (more…)

(Stephen Curry is called into Coach Don Nelson’s office..)

Nelson: (playing with a paddleball unsuccessfully)  Fuckin’ thing’s broken.

Curry: You wanted to see me, Coach?

Nelson: Manuel! Manuel!

Manuel: (runs into office)  Yes, meester?

Nelson: (hands over paddleball)  Get this to the shop, will ya Manuel?

Manuel: Yes, meester.

Curry: Ummm..

Nelson: (turning to the rookie 2-guard)  Stephen Curry! (more…)

(Coach Don Nelson is sitting at his desk staring off into space, when Anthony Randolph enters his office..)

Nelson: I’m going to fucking kill you..

Randolph: Um…Coach?

Nelson: Oop, hey there Slim. Sorry, I was just talking to myself. (more…)

Nelson: So Steve, how’s the family?

Steve: (shrugs)

(Anthony Randolph enters Coach Nelson’s office..)

Randolph: Hey Coach, we’re out of toilet pap– Whoa. (more…)