(Golden State Warriors head coach Don Nelson is putting the finishing touches on his office Christmas tree..)
Nelson: Stephen, is this too many swastikas?
Curry: Jesus, Coach..
Nelson: (chuckling) Yeah, I’m tryin’ to get fired. So, you finished your Christmas shopping?
Curry: Yeah, actually I–
Nelson: Great. (thrusts a finger in the air) To the mall!
(Don Nelson returns to Oracle Arena after a multiple-week bout with pneumonia..)
Nelson: Stupid stray dog won’t stop following me.. (bursts into office) I’m back!
Nelson: …
Nelson: Hello?..
Nelson: (reads post-it note attached to computer screen) “Gone on road trip. Back on Wednesday. Food in fridge. Sincerely, Coach Smart.”
Nelson: (crumples note) So we’ve taken the team on a little road trip, have we Keith? Gonna have some fun without old Donnie ’cause he was outside in the rain in his underwear for too long? Fine. I can have fun all by myself!
(Warriors Coach Don Nelson is in his office, gossiping with Stephen Curry..)
Nelson: And he ate the whole thing! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Curry: …
Nelson: C’mon, that’s funny!
Curry: I don’t even know what you’re talking about. All you said was ‘and he ate the whole thing’ and then you laughed for a while.
Nelson: (chuckles) Yeah, that was great.
(Warriors Coach Don Nelson is in his office, listening to Kenny Loggins’ “This Is It” & crying..)
Nelson: (sniffle)
Curry: (saunters into office) Hey Coach!
Nelson: (erupting) GO AWAY, YOUNG STEPHEN! IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU THIS WEEK!
Curry: (backs out of office slowly)
Nelson: (sniffle)
(Warriors ex-Captain Stephen Jackson is hanging out in Coach Nelson’s office..)
Nelson: I know! Let’s steal a car!
Jackson: Nah, I did that this morning.
Nelson: (crosses arms grumpily) You do everything without me!
Jackson: Coach, I got other friends that wanna do stuff. I can’t just hang out with you 24-7, like that kiss-ass Curry!
Curry: (wanders into office) Hey Coach! Hey Stephen!
Jackson: (snicker)
Nelson: (stifled guffaw)
Jackson: (eats Snickers) (more…)
(Warriors rookie Stephen Curry runs into Coach Don Nelson’s office..)
Curry: Coach!
Nelson: (swivels around in chair) Gahhh–I wasn’t masturbating!!
Curry: Um..
Nelson: (looks down, zips up fly)
Curry: Coach, Andris is hitting people over the head with a mallet. Says it’s for some sort of Latvian holiday, but it really hurts!
Nelson: Now, Young Stephen. Nobody likes a tattletale.
Curry: But Coach, Rony Turiaf is on the floor bleeding!
Nelson: Probably just his dreadlocks. What did you want to see me for?
Curry: Um, that. What I just told you.
Nelson: Right, now my thing. (more…)
(One afternoon, in Coach Don Nelson’s office..)
Jackson: I wanna trade!
Ellis: No, I wanna trade!
Jackson: I wanna trade more! (more…)
Nelson: Easy boy. Easy..
Crocodile: Hissssssssss!
Nelson: Bad Croc! Bad!
Crocodile: Hisssssssssssss!
Curry: Hey Coach, I–oh, c’mon! (leaps back)
Nelson: Watch out, Young Stephen. Croc’s angry. (more…)
(Warriors Coach Don Nelson is in his office when Stephen Curry enters..)
Curry: Hey Coach, you wanted to–what in the world?
Nelson: (hollering) HEY STEPHEN, CHECK OUT MY ROBOT!
Robot: (whirs loudly) Beep boop.
Curry: Wow, is that where all that noise has been coming from?
Nelson: (hollering) SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU YOUNG STEPHEN! THIS ROBOT’S LOUD AS HELL!
Robot: (whirs even louder) Beep beep boop.
Nelson: (hollering) SHUSH, ROBOT! (more…)
(Warriors Coach Don Nelson is playing the NASCAR pinball machine in his office, when rookie Stephen Curry enters..)
NASCAR Pinball Machine: TILT! TILT! TILT!
Nelson: (incredulous) What? I’ll show you a tilt! (tips pinball machine over, glass shatters everywhere)
Curry: (standing awkwardly in doorway) Uhhh…
Nelson: Ah! Young Stephen! Come in, come in..
Curry: (sits down) What’s up, Coach?
Nelson: We’ve got badgers. (more…)
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