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Carroll: I can’t believe you’re gosh-darn leavin’, Joshua J. Howard the Third!

Howard: Belee dat.

(more…)

(Josh Howard is sitting on an old futon in the North Dallas apartment he shares with teammate Matt Carroll..)

Howard: (tokes)

Carroll: (enters apartment, throws down duffel bag)  Fancy meeting you here!  (chortles)

Howard: (tokes, nods)

Carroll: You haven’t moved since I left for morning practice!

Howard: (tokes, nods) (more…)

(Matt Carroll rushes into the Mavericks locker room..)

Carroll: (excitedly jumping up & down) Joshua Jay Howard! You’ll never guess what i’m gonna be for Halloween!

(more…)

(Matt Carroll is dribbling a basketball in a corner of the Mavericks’ practice arena, facing the wall watching paint dry..)

Carroll: Is that azure or cyan?..

Mysterious Voice: MATTHEW CARROLL!

Carroll: (dribbles ball off foot and it rolls away)  Oh, fer cryin’ out loud! (more…)

Howard: Ay, man. Check out what these Chinese sayin’ ’bout you!

Carroll: (peruses Chinese paper)

Carroll: Loose-skinned? Orange? Smelly?

Howard: Shit’s hilarious! (more…)

(Matt Carroll enters the American Airlines Center during the first Dallas Mavericks practice of the preseason..)

Carroll: (waving, bumps into rim support)  Hey gang!

Howard: Ay man, what happened to yo eyeballs?

Carroll: I got Lasik eye surgery! (more…)

Carroll:  Hey Josh! Ya hear the news? I might get traded to the Toronto (Ontario) Raptors of the Canadian Basketball Association! (more…)

(Matt Carroll is sitting in his Dallas studio apartment Saturday morning, watching cartoons, when teammate Josh Howard lets himself in..)

Carroll: (chortles)  Oh, Bugs! You got ‘em again!

Howard: Ay man, I been readin’.

Carroll: Nerd!

Howard: Dis mothafucka right ‘ere sayin’ you might not be in Dallas next year!  (drops the newspaper in Matt’s lap)

Carroll: What the who-now? (more…)

Carroll: Hey Josh, look out the window! There’s a corn-flippin’ eclipse going down!

Howard: N*gga what?

Carroll: (looking through eclipse viewing box)  Check her out. What a beaut!

Howard: (stares directly into solar eclipse)   GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (goes blind)

Carroll: (chortles)  You’re blind now, ya goof! (more…)

Carroll: Hello, Marcin Gortat.

Gortat: Hello.

Carroll: May I call you Gorty?

Gortat: Um.. (more…)