We’ve all made bad fashion choices here and there. Watch any TV show from the mid-90’s, and you can’t help but get distracted by some of the unbelievably bad outfits. I recently came across a picture of myself in middle school, in which I’m dressed in a purple Larry Johnson Hornets jersey with the matching shorts. I now realize that wasn’t a good look. And of course, the NBA has seen its own share of forgettable trends…
1. Who Wears Short Shorts? Okay, so this one isn’t really fair. That was the style in the ’80’s, and plus, the NBA has always frowned on (and fined) shorts that extended below the knee. I only mention it for two reasons.
Worst. Idea. Ever.
- What will it take for someone to upload that old ‘NBA on NBC’ commercial with the women from “Friends” talking about how Stockton looked sexy in his short shorts on YouTube? That right there, is comedy at its finest.
- Just in case someone out there wasn’t convinced that short shorts were a bad idea, the Lakers hammered home the point by bringing them back for one game last season. The results were astonishingly bad, though at least we can all be thankful that Shaq (no stranger to the phenomenon himself) was no longer on the team.
Tight Night!
2. Men In Tights: To the untrained eye, these look absolutely ridiculous, but what do we know? Megastars such as Kobe, Wade, and LeBron donned multi-colored tights on a regular basis during the 2005/06 season — the trend became so big, that ESPN even kept a tidy list of offenders. Supposedly, they help prevent injuries, though even LeBron once admitted that it was more of a fashion statement for most players. The NBA predictably banned wearing full-length tights under uniform shorts, but really, isn’t looking like a ballerina punishment enough?
3. Long Beautiful Hair: …or not. Look, I have nothing against long hair (especially the ‘fro), but as they say, everything ain’t for everybody. Mike Miller looks (ever more) like a middle school girl with his hairband, while Walter “Fabio” Herrmann belongs on the cover of a trashy romance novel with those golden locks. Thankfully, Chris Kaman cut his thinning “I Married an Axe Murder” hair, though I strongly advise you to not click on the thumbnail for your own safety.
Honorable mention goes to Sasha Vujacic’s hair net and Mike Dunleavy Jr., Miller’s hair apparent (ha).
Mike Miller
Walter Herrmann
Chris Kaman
4. Scot Pollard: Yes, Scot(t) gets his own category — it’s like a lifetime achievement award for his body of work over the years. Sit back and enjoy the many looks of The Talented Mr. Pollard, along with my personal nickname for each (you’re welcome)…
Blond Soul Man
Semi-Samurai
Ivan Drag-o
Why So Serious?
Double Mohawk
Vlade Throwback
5. The Suits: No NBA fashion entry would be complete without mentioning the draft-day suits. There have been many instant classics over the years, and observing the draftees’ outfits remains one of, if not the most entertaining part of the evening. Here are a handful of my favorites that truly illustrate what makes the NBA so damn amazing…
Karl Malone
Hakeem Olajuwon
Jalen Rose
Samaki Walker
Drew Gooden
Maurice Taylor
Tim Thomas
Bobby Jackson
Joakim Noah
