LowPosts Team Previews: Los Angeles Lakers
Key Offseason Additions: Ron Artest, Insanity, Khloe Kardashian’s upcoming divorce papers, the curse of Sun Yue
Your title hopes rest with this man, Laker fans...
The Lowdown: If I had to choose an obscure hip-hop song to characterize the Lakers’ offseason, I’d have to go with Atmosphere’s, “Smart Went Crazy.” After winning their first championship in seven years, the Lakers opted to swap a younger and far less b-a-n-a-n-a-s Trevor Ariza for the mental case known as Ron Artest. The obvious theory is that Ron-Ron respects Kobe Bryant too much to get out of line, and Phil Jackson’s zenful therapy sessions will keep him sane enough for the Lakers to make another title run. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
Perhaps the bigger issue is that there’s little evidence to even suggest that the 29-year-old Artest is a better player than Ariza at this stage of their careers. Last year, Artest hoisted up more bad shots than all of Jack Bauer’s enemies combined to the tune of 40% from the field, and was also noticeably slower on the defensive end, posting the fewest number of steals per game since his rookie season . Clearly on the downside of his career, he’ll now be forced to share the ball with Kobe Bryant (ha!), while the steadily-improving, 24-year-old Ariza plays with T-Mac Yao Brent Barry in Houston. Oh, and Artest is signed for five years. Good luck with that one, L.A.
In other offseason Laker news, chocaholic Lamar Odom married the Kardashian sister without the big ass, and is all set to make his acting reality show debut on the E! network. There’s no way this will be a distraction or negative influence — anyone who’s owned Reggie Bush in a fantasy league over the last few years can attest to this.
The Good: It goes without saying that the Lakers would be serious contenders regardless of whether Ron Artest or Brian Scalabrene started alongside Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol. Be that as it may, they remain the consensus title favorites by essentially retaining the same roster as last season, and at least on paper, improving their arsenal.
Fantasy Sleeper Alert: It doesn’t seem logical to put Jordan Farmar in this spot, despite the fact that Derek Fisher retired three years ago, since he hasn’t progressed the way the Lakers have expected and was outplayed by Shannon Brown at the end of last season. Nonetheless, he’ll get minutes when the Lakers are forced to go with a smaller lineup during the inevitable Andrew Bynum injury, and there is no way D.J. Mbenga can be recommended anywhere besides a Goonies fantasy league.
Prediction: 62-20 — 1st in Pacific Division, 1st in Western Conference
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Hilarious as always, my man. Love that Goonies link.
As one of our seven readers, your kind words are greatly appreciated…
Artest has been good, but are the lakers really any better than last year? Even with the increased skills of Bynum, the lakers look flat and unmotivated. Artest is still playing great defense and jacking up stupid shots, but the Lakers simply haven’t improved.