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Tiger Woods has begun looking to the sports world for advice on his recent “auto accident”..

Baker: Now, whatcher need to do s’find a good defensler!

Woods: A good what?

Baker: A good defensler!

Woods: I’m not catching any of that.

Richardson: A defense lawyer. He wants you to get a good defense lawyer. But don’t listen to him, he’s wasted. Important question: How did you hide from the police the fact that your kids were in the car and were not buckled in properly?

Woods: They weren’t in the car, it was just me. What kind of monster would do something like that?

Richardson: (strokes chin, averts eyes)  Yeah, monster..

Taurasi: I got a question for ya, Tiger. (hiccup)

Woods: What’s that, Diana?

Taurasi: Where yo bitch at?

Woods: Jesus..

Barkley: You guys are trrrrble! Yrrr not helping this man at all. First of all, ya gotta admit you was wrong, Tiger.

Woods: Yeah I did that already, Charles.

Barkley: And above all else, you have to admit you have a problem.

Woods: I don’t have a problem. I got in a car accident in the middle of the night. I wasn’t drunk.

Barkley: Sure, you weren’t. Ooh, you trrrble, Tiger!  (wink)  Was the hooker okay? If not, I know a guy..

Woods: What.

Williams: I woulda just shot the car in the chest.

Woods: Aw, fer cryin’ out loud!  (storms off, hops in Lamborghini, crashes into lamppost)