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Hello. And welcome to Y’all Don’t Know. I’m your host, Anthony Mason.

Y’all Don’t Know is an ongoing exploration into all that is sinister, weird, creepy-crawly and loosey-goosey around us.

Did you know that there are mysterious, unexplainable energies whirling all around us as we speak? NO! ‘Cause Y’all Don’t Know!

Today on Y’all Don’t Know, we’re gonna talk about Time Travel!

Time Travel has been a popular theme in science fiction literature since the dawn of time. From HG Wells to Stephen King, the concept of traveling between dimensions has been an interesting analogy for the constant struggle of man: to find himself and to find true happiness in this world.

But is it fiction or fact? Can time travel truly be achieved? What would become of us if we gained the power to travel between worlds? We could learn so much if we had the ability to view history firsthand.

Plus, it’d be cool to punch Hitler in the face.

Some scientists say it can’t be done. Some say it can, but we are centuries away from nearing the technology needed to achieve it. And some say it’s been done already.

Whatta y’all say? NOTHIN’! ‘Cause Y’all Don’t Know!

The Philadelphia Experiment was a secret government time traveling test in which they made a big boat disappear and travel to another dimension for a short period of time. That happened to me once too..

The Chronovisor is a machine owned & operated by the Catholic Church that can see into past & future events.

Don’t know why that ‘ol boy’s watchin’ Hitler, but he don’t look Italian to me! Why ain’t he flippin’ no pizza pies?

Mmm, pies..

Oop, wait. Gotta stop that. My parole officer said I wasn’t even allowed to think about white women.

Billy Meier is a Swiss who claims to be a UFO contactee. He states that he is routinely picked up by these aliens, known as Plejaren, and taken to different times & worlds.

Sounds like a buncha tomfoolery to me! Hey Swiss, stick to what ya know. Chocolate.

Mmm, chocolate pies..

Darren Daulton is a former Major League Baseball player who believes that he has undergone astral travel and “skipped through time.” All I know is, when I travel through time, I don’t skip. THAT’S HOW GIRLS TIME TRAVEL!

John Titor was a time traveler from the near future who traveled back to our time in order to post on message boards. His posts included pictures of his time machine & glimpses into the near future. My message board posts usually include “A/S/L?” and “Who’s into angry sex?”

That ain’t a Delorean! That’s a Deplorable-ean!

Tonight, our guest is noted time traveler Michael J. Fox.

Mason: Thank you for traveling here from the future, Mr. Fox.

Fox: Um, I think you’ve actually got me confused with a movie character I portrayed.

Mason: Is that why yo hands is shakin’? Because the dangers of time travel have ravaged your body?

Fox: No, I have Parkinson’s Disease?

Mason: Parkinson? Who dat?

Fox: Parkinson’s Disease is a degenerative brain disorder that–

Mason: Have you met any famous historical figures in your travels?

Fox: Again, I haven’t actually traveled through time. I’m pretty sure that’s impossible.

Mason: Did the government tell you to say that?

Fox:  No..

Mason: Blink twice if your life is in danger.

Fox: I actually blink uncontrollably now, so I’ll just say that my life is not in danger even if I do blink twice..

Mason: …

Fox: (blinks twice)

Mason: I’ll save you, Michael Jackson Fox!  (dives across the stage and covers Fox with his body)

Fox: Ooof! Urrgghh!!

Mason: We’ll be right back!

~~~

Hello, I’m Jordan Crawford.

You might remember me from such mystery tapes as the “Lebron Gets Dunked On” tape, spirited away by Nike henchmen.

Someone at the office bothering you? Maybe he needs to get dunked on.

Neighbor’s lawn getting too long? Maybe he needs to get dunked on.

Someone cut you off in traffic? Follow him home, maybe he needs to get dunked on.

I’ll even dunk on you and a loved one in the bedroom, if that’s what you’re into..

Feel free to call me at 1-800-DUNK’D-ON for all your getting-dunked-on needs.

~~~

And we’re back. Once again, another guest has stormed off the set. Even after I saved him from assassination by government agents! He was shaking all over as he left, scared to death of those bastards in the government.

Well, I hope everyone has learned a valuable lesson tonight about time travel. It’s real. And it’s real cool. You can ride dinosaurs, or even ride Albert Einstein! The possibilities are limitless!

Join us next time as we delve into more mysteries that…

Audience: Y’all! Don’t! Know!